Stand up. Never. Back. Down.

Stand up. Never. Back. Down.

Story by: Hannah Cairns (based on true events)

    She made a mistake. Well that’s what she called it. I don’t blame her though, it wasn’t her fault. I wish I told her that when I had the chance. I could have changed her life, I could have helped her, but I didn’t. And I will continue to blame myself for that for the rest of my life. 

    Hello my name is Becca and i’m going to share something with you. A very scary thing that happened in my best friends life. I am going to tell you this from her point of view. So pay attention. 

 1

    Hi my name Danielle and my life has been really terrible but it’s finally getting better. Why you ask? Me and my family have been homeless for the past 2 years. The town we live in doesn’t have many jobs. My father got fired two years ago because he was missing work because my mom got cancer. My father had to stay home to help her. I tried to help as much as I could but I was only 14 and had school. 

    I am 16 now, my father recently got a new job that pays well. It pays so well that we just got a house that is 2 stories with 4 rooms, 4 bathrooms, a hot tub, and a pool. It’s an amazing house. I got an Iphone. I already had a phone but it was awful. It had cracks all over it and the storage was always full when there was barely anything on it. My Iphone is awesome. I have been taking all sorts of photos on it. My house, my backyard, the sunsets, and of me. 

I decided to create a new instagram account. I followed all of the friends I have. I have lived in this town my whole life so I knew a lot of people. Most of them followed me back. Then I thought about it I barely knew any of them except for my best friend Becca. Becca has been with me through everything that went wrong in my life. 

I got a lot of likes on my photos (which made me happy because I want to be a photographer after High School). It also bugged me because most of the likes were on my photography photos and not many were on my selfies. I tried not to think about it though.

2

I was laying in my new bed in my own room when my mom called me down for dinner. It surprised me, we have always ate fast food because we had no place to cook food (we went hungry half the time). I was so excited to sit at a dinning table for the first time in what feels like forever. I got up, left my phone on my bed, and tied up my long black hair and went down the stairs to eat dinner.

I sat down with all of my family. My father put food in the middle of the table and we all started to eat.

“So how was your first day of junior year Danielle?” my father asked.

“Same old same old,” I said while trying not to talk with food in my mouth.

“How’s Becca doing?” my mother asked. My mother knew Becca very well. I have known Becca since kindergarten.

“She’s going on a date tonight.”

“That’s fantastic. You and Becca should really go socialize with other people. You should ask someone out on a date.”

“Ha. no. No one even likes me,” I said while rolling my eyes.

“Well do you like anyone?”

“No. Everyone at school is really annoying.”

No one said anything for the rest of the night. Dinner went by                                       fast. I put my dishes in the sink and went upstairs.

3

When I got upstairs to my room I started to take off my clothes to hop in the shower. My bathroom was connected to my room. I just stood there in front of the bathroom door and thought. Wow, I have my own bathroom, I have my own room, I finally have a house again. I said that in my head with a smile on my face. I went in and took the first shower in my new house. I felt lucky to finally have what I have wanted for the past 2 years.

When I got out of the shower I got in my pajamas, turned off the light, and turned on the tv. I decided to watch the vampire diaries when my phone buzzed. Someone wanted to send me a message on instagram. It was a really cute guy. He had brown hair, snake bites (but didn’t have the piercing in), and had just the most amazing face. I didn’t think that I knew him, but I accepted the message request anyway.

“Hey, I’m Tim.”

“Hi, I’m Danielle,” I was confused on why this random person was texting me but I tried not to think much of it.

“I just came across your account because we have a friend in common. He said I should text you because of how sweet of a girl you are.”

“Oh, who is the person we have in common?”

“Tyler Kally. You shouldn’t tell him that I told you that because he didn’t want me to tell you that he told me to text you,” I forgot who Tyler was for a second then I remembered that he sits at my lunch table. I thought that it was a little odd that he would tell this random person to text me.

“Okay, I won’t tell him that you told me.”

“So, he said that you were a sweet girl. I would love to get to know a sweet girl because I have been dealing with a lot of liars lately.”

“I would say that i’m sweet, but I don’t wanna be a bragger.”

“You don’t seem like the bragger type to me.”

“Lol. I can be at times.”

“We all can sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with it, unless you start to go too far.”

“True. So how old are you?”

“I’m 19, wbu.”

“I’m 16.”

“Cool, you’re the cutest 16 year old that I have ever seen. I love your long black hair, blonde hair is overrated.”

“Thank you. And I totally agree that blonde hair is overrated,” when he said that I blushed like crazy. No one has called me cute in a long time.

“So I gtg but I would love to talk to you later. Tyler was right, you are a very sweet girl. And you are also extremely cute.”

“Okay. I would like to talk to you again.”

When I sent that last message I put my phone on my bedside table and looked at the ceiling and made the biggest smile that I have made in a very long time.

4

  When I woke up I tried to remember what happened last night so I looked at my phone. I saw a text from Tim.

“Good morning beautiful.”

I smiled. I’ve been smiling so much lately that my face is starting to hurt. I texted good morning back with a smiley face. I put my phone down, got ready for school, and headed out the door. 

I wanted to tell Becca all about Tim when I got to school. Then I got to the bus. When I sat down I pulled out my phone to check my dm’s.

“Are you going to school?”

“Yeah, I have to ride the stupid bus.”

“I could give you a ride sometime,” I smiled again. 

“That would be awesome, thank you.”

“You should send me a picture of you when you get the chance.”

“Why?” 

“I would love to see your beautiful face as it is (I can tell all your photos are edited),” When he said that I blushed with embarrassment. 

I didn’t want to send him a photo of me right now because I feel like I look like crap. I guess I will though. If he says that I look like crap, well, it’s the truth. He would just be confirming it for me. So I took a picture of me on the bus.

“Wow, just wow. You look even more prettier than you do when your photos are edited.”

“Thank you,” I said with a bunch of smiley faces.

After I sent that the bus stopped. When I got off the bus I saw Becca and told her all about Tim.

“I’m happy that you’re happy, but what if this guy isn’t real.”

“I know he’s real Becca.”

“How?”

“He knows Tyler.”

“Okay I guess.”

“Can't you just be happy that i’m happy?”

“I guess so. Just be careful.”

When she said that I got defensive. She went on a date with a guy that she has liked forever. She’s happy so why can’t I be? I decided to text Tim.

“My friend is being a pain.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s happy and now that i’m finally happy it’s like she doesn’t want me to be.”

“Dang, that sucks. Don’t worry about her, i’m happy that you’re happy.”

“Thanks.”

“We should meet in person. I want to see that beautiful smile in person,” when he said that I wasn’t sure at first. Then I remembered what Becca said to me and thought I could prove her wrong.

“Yeah, we should.”

“We should meet at night though because I have to work all day.”

“Okay, where should we meet?”

“How about Fell’s playground. It’s beautiful there at night.”

“Okay, I have to go, class is about to start.”

“Ok, I get off work at 10, so let's meet there at 11pm.”

“Okay, it’s a plan.”

Class started and I couldn’t stop thinking about Tim. I barely knew him but isn’t it better to get to know someone in person? After I get to know him I can prove Becca wrong.

5

I went to our lunch table at lunch and saw Becca. She saw me and pulled me aside.

“I talked to Tyler, he said he doesn’t know anybody named Tim.”

I just rolled my eyes. “Would you just stop. Maybe you’re right, maybe he doesn’t know Tyler. What if he just wanted a reason to talk to me.”

“Danielle wake up. Have you seriously not heard about all the things that happen online?”

“He’s different, he wants to meet me in person.”

“Have you lost your fucking mind? Step back and look at it. Why would this random person want to meet you of all people in person?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I yelled

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Whatever, I have to go,” I said and ran off.

She was wrong, I knew she was wrong. He’s nice, there is nothing about him that makes him seem like a bad guy. I am going to prove Becca wrong.

6

A few more minutes and i’m going to sneak out. I was shaking with nervousness. What if he thought that my pictures were too different? What if he didn’t like me as much as I thought he did? I’m not afraid of him hurting me. All those scary stories about people meeting other people online are just that, scary stories. They might have happened but this is different. 

I went out of my window and climbed down the handle bars on the side of the house. Fell’s playground was right around the corner from my house so it didn’t take long to get there. I walked up to the gate the playground had then pulled out my phone to ask him where he was.

“Boo,” he said as he came up from behind me. I jumped and punched him then apologized.

“Geez, you trying to give me heart attack?” I said then laughed.

“Sorry,” he said while also laughing. “So wanna walk around?”

“Yeah,” I said while still shaking from him scaring me. 

We were walking around talking about little things on how our days were. Then he just stopped. 

“Can I just say that you are even more beautiful than your photos.”

I wasn’t sure what to say so I just smiled and blushed as I out my head down because I felt embarrassed. 

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m just stating the facts.”

I just stared at my shoes. He took his hand, held my head up, and kissed me. I felt butterflies going through my stomach. It started to turn into more than just kissing. It turned into making out and kept going until I was half naked on the gravel. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” I said while a million thoughts flew through my mind. I wasn’t ready for sex. I wanted to say those exact words but they didn’t come out. He ignored me telling him to wait. I tried to say it again. I tried so hard to push the words out of my mouth but they wouldn’t budge. I knew that if I said wait again he would just ignore me again. So I just stopped trying. I just layed there being stripped of my innocence. Next thing you know he’s off of me.

“That was fun,” he while smiling. 

I just looked at him not sure what to do now. He helped me up and walked me toward my house then left. I climbed back up to my window shaking. I layed in my bed looked at my celling and thought… Becca was right. I just lost my virginity when I didn’t want to lose it yet. I took sleeping medicine because I didn’t want to think about it. 

7

I woke up and looked at my phone, it was time to go to school. There was no  way that I could go to school. When my mom came to wake me I said I was sick. I just laid there looking at my ceiling thinking about what happened last night. Why didn’t he listen to me when I was saying wait? I wasn’t kissing back, I wasn’t even moving, why couldn’t he see that? He should’ve asked me if I wanted to have sex with him before he just put his body on me. Was this my fault? I mean i’m the one who went out to meet him in the first place. But he should’ve seen that I didn’t want to have sex with him. I’VE ONLY KNOWN HIM A FEW DAYS. I broke into tears. He shouldn’t have done that to me without talking to me about it first. 

I went to my phone to talk to him about this. I looked and he blocked me. But he sent one message first.

“If you tell anyone what happened last night, I will rape you again and again and again then kill you. I’ve been doing this a long time so if you think you can stop me you are wrong. I’m 25 years old, you’re an idiot for believing me. You’re hot that’s why I chose you, but you’re an idiot. You tell anyone, I will kill you.”

I read that and just broke into tears. And screamed and screamed and screamed. I LET THAT BITCH STRIP ME FROM MY INNOCENCE!

8

Becca

Danielle hasn’t been at school for the past few days. I was starting to get worried, what if something bad happened with that guy? I decided to go over to her house and check on her.

I didn’t knock because this is basically my house too because of how long me and Danielle have known each other. They didn’t have a house for a very long time so it made me happy that they finally had one.

“Danielle?” I said. I opened her door and walked into her room.

There were tissues everywhere, things broken, and she was under her covers.

“Go away.”

“What’s wrong,” there was a long silence.

“You were right about him, he’s a jackass.”

“Did he hurt you?” another long silence.

“No... he’s just a jackass.”

“See Danielle, I tried to tell you. You could’ve got seriously hurt.”

“Go ahead say it, say you told me so!” she screamed while throwing her blankets on the floor.

“Well I did! Don’t yell at me for your stupidity!” I screamed and immediately wished I could take it back.

“Get out.”

“Danielle.”

“Get out. Get out! Get the fuck out!” she screamed.

“Fine!”  

I walked out her front door and felt like complete shit. I wanted to take every word back. She’s not stupid, she just fell for a guy. I should’ve turned back and told her that, but I didn’t.

9

Danielle

 I don’t know if I can handle this guilt. I can’t tell anyone, but I feel like I need to. What if he does this to anyone else? I can’t let that happen, but what can I do? I refuse to give him the satisfaction of laying a hand on me again. I want to die. I can’t handle all this guilt. I can’t let him get away with this. This bitch needs to be put in jail, but he will kill me if I tell anyone. Then a thought came into my head, how about I just kill myself and leave behind something to tell people everything he did. Then he would go to jail and could never rape me again. 

This thought played on my mind for days. I decided it was the best thing to do. I don’t care about me, I just care about all the other girls he could do it to. I have to stop him without letting him rape or kill me, so I will just kill myself. I will leave behind a video with the screen shots of what he said (I screenshotted what he said before he unsent it). I will also leave behind a diary which is what I’m doing right now. I want Becca to read this before anyone else. 

Becca, you were right. I don’t blame you for calling me stupid. I don’t blame you for anything. This is the only way. Don’t blame yourself for me killing myself, it’s his fault, not yours. I love you Becca, please live a good life without me. I love you.

 10

Becca

I found her diary, video, and her dead body a month ago. I should’ve pushed her to tell me what happened. I should’ve told her I loved her, but I didn’t. And now my best friend is… dead, she’s dead. I could’ve helped her speak up but I didn’t. What she did worked, Tim is in jail (his real name is Diaz). He’s done it to countless other girls. He’s never getting out of jail. But she didn’t have to kill herself, I could’ve protected her. If I just looked at her phone. The police could’ve also protected her, I would’ve walked with her to the police station and never left her side. 

Never trust people online. That’s a lesson that everyone needs to learn. I never want anyone to have to go through this. This rapist is the reason my best friend is dead. You might think you know who your talking to but you don’t. I don’t blame you for believing them. It’s not your fault, it’s those son of a bitches hiding behind a screen. Stand up for yourself, never kill yourself. At least you will know that you tried.