Sunrise and Sunset

Natalia and Natasha were brought in the orphanage when they were a few hours old.

They were lying side by side in one huge basket with name tags inside their blankets. The staffs used to think their mother was a daughter of a high public official who went abroad and was never seen in the town again after a rumor that her boyfriend got her pregnant and left her for another rich daughter of a military official.

They even googled a picture of her. And as the twins’ facial features developed, were more convinced that the babies look more like her each passing day.

Whatever the case is, there is no denying that people admire the twins’ beauty even at the tender age of six. They both have the same long black hair that looked so silky that even other young girls love touching it and putting flowers crowns on them.

Natalia and Natasha both loved wearing headbands in the same color. They have the same inquisitive eyes and pouty lips that they only grew to appreciate when a popular guy in the orphanage, which they both liked, told them how cute they were.

Actually, Oscar, the name of the guy who said the compliment, only said it to Natalia but since they look exactly the same, Natalia told her sister that they he surely meant it for her too.

They look so much alike that people got used to calling them simply as “Nat” in short for both their names so they don’t keep confusing them by the other twin.

The only way to tell them apart is to check closely at Natasha’s left eye. She has a tiny mole there that distinguishes her from her sister. Besides that, it’s almost impossible to tell them apart.

But as they grew older, fifteen years later to be exact, they slowly found their own voice and own likes and dislikes. Their personality forms and they discovered that they don’t always like and want the same things.

For example, Natalia learns that she likes to wear dresses and putting on make-up along with other girls while Natasha realizes she prefers wearing skirts and reading books alone. Nonetheless, the girls respect each other’s decisions and never insisted they do the same things together all the time.

In fact, ever since Dennis gave Natasha a love letter, the twins found themselves growing distant with each other.

“I know you used to like Dennis, Talia. I won’t ask him to visit here for our birthday or it’ll be a bit awkward.” Natasha says.

“You said it yourself, Tasha. I used to like him. But he gave his love letter to you so he’s yours, I guess.” Natalia says with a shrug. She puckered her pink lips at her hand mirror to show how uninterested she was.

Natasha puts down her book to look at her sister. What she wanted to say was “fuck off” but she didn’t. Instead she smiled and said “Okay.”

“By the way, the school’s foundation day is coming soon and I heard they’re planning to do a ‘dance’, you know? where people wear formal dress and all.” Natalia says.

“When?”

“Next month. It would be fun to be asked, right?”

“What do you mean?” Natasha was curious now.

“Well, if you’re not asked to the dance you can’t go.” Natalia replies in a matter-of-fact tone. She sees Natasha’s quick change of expressions and adds, “Don’t worry, I’m sure Dennis would invite you to the dance. No need to look so tense, sis.”

After finishing middle school inside the orphanage, students were sponsored to study in a public school. But those with high grades were offered a scholarship to study high school in a private one. Luckily for them both, they got accepted to this prestigious school nearby. It caters mostly to upper middle class people so they feel very happy to be experiencing what it feels like to blend in with normal high schoolers as if they had normal lives too. Only when they go back to the orphanage, do they remember how different they still are.

“Hold on.” Natasha remembers something and goes to her desk to look at the small calendar taped there.

They still shared the same bed and the same room all these years, which they found a lot better than having separate beds only to sleep with ten more people like the others who got in the orphanage much later than them.

Natasha finally sees the mark on her calendar. The number 27th of February is encircled.

“What day is it do you think?” she asks Natalia.

Her twin thinks for a minute. “Saturday. I’m pretty sure it’s the 27th. Why?”

“It’s the same day as the adoption selection day.” Natasha answers.

Natalia walks to her and checks the calendar too.

“Well, I guess that’s great then! we don’t have to stay here and watch other kids get chosen while we act all happy for them all.” Natalia says. She had long ago lost hope to get adopted. She used to be the more optimistic one telling her: “we’ll get adopted soon, Tasha just wait and see. They’ll find us, I know.”

But each year that they didn’t get selected, and each year that they grow older, the more the reality hits them hard. They might have more chance on winning the lottery than ever getting an adoption.

Still, Natasha couldn’t help but hope that that one day will still come.

“You’re right. We’d rather go to the dance. But who knows? I guess it’s up to Dennis if he decides to invite me or not.” Natasha says.

*

And the invitation did come. But it was Natalia who found it on her locker one morning.

It was the day before the dance.

She already received about five invites and she’s still thinking about whom to accept until she read whom the letter was from. Dennis.

Natalia immediately realized he must have mistaken her locker for Natasha’s since they’re next to each other. One could easily get confused.

In school, people still calls them “Nat”. They have different sections so their classmates aren’t confused to call each of them by the same name since they’re not in the same classroom. It secretly annoys Natalia. It feels like she’ll always have the shadow of another person with her. Never a sole identity with unique thoughts and a unique personality. She’s always that fashionista twin. While Natalia is called the smart twin. She’s friendlier and loves fixing herself up that’s why people, especially boys, are more drawn to her. But it doesn’t mean that they aren’t attracted to Natasha. Her sister just prefers not entertaining them until they grew more intimidated and scared of confessing to her.

Until Dennis that is.

She remembered Natasha receiving the letter and telling her how surprised and excited she was that someone actually managed to get the courage to write her one. Natalia can’t believe her sister doesn’t see how many attention she gets from guys who follow her with their eyes when she walks pass them.

She also remembered how excited she was to ask whom it was from. Her sister opened the letter and found the name. Then Natasha’s face fell as if she didn’t know how to respond. Natalia took the letter from her hand and felt like a cold bucket of water was dropped on her.

“It’s Dennis.” she had said in almost a whisper.

“It is.” Natasha had replied.

“Do you like him?”

Natalia didn’t know why it was the first thing that came out of her mouth. Maybe she just wanted to hear Natasha say the words herself- that she has no interest in him because Natalia liked him for so long.

But her sister’s answer surprised her.

“I don’t know, Talia. I don’t exactly hate him for sure. I like his courage.” there was small pause then she says: “But I won’t reply to him if you don’t want to.”

And she hated Tasha more for saying that. Because if Talia said she didn’t want her to, then it would make her look bad. She’ll always have to carry that guilt with her. So she bit her lip and gave back the letter to Tasha and said: “It’s alright. I’m okay with it now. Go write him back!” she faked enthusiasm.

And that’s how it all started.

So it really was her fault. She pretended to be unselfish for once. But she couldn’t have imagined how quickly their attraction progressed. They’ve been writing almost everyday since. Although Natasha always wrote it secretly.

But Natalia would glimpse a stationary at the corner of her sister’s book or would sometimes see her writing on the desk when she thinks Talia was sleeping. Natalia had become an expert in showing how unbothered she is by all of it.

Natasha knew how much she liked Dennis since freshman. Now that they’re in junior year, Natalia realized how unfair it all is. Then it hits her. She could do something about this. Without even a second thought, Natalia keeps the letter.

*

The letter never came. Natasha checked her locker carefully in case the letter slipped inside and was covered by her books. But there was none.

Dennis had been hinting about the dance for so long that she was so sure he’d ask her out. Natasha meant to answer him in person by the end of the class. But she never got it.

Dennis is in Natalia’s class. Maybe he gave it to her.

Natasha almost laughed at the thought. Of course he wouldn’t. That would be too cruel. She admits that she felt guilty at times. She knew Natalia liked him first. But Natalia liked a lot of other guys too with the same admiration and confidence. The difference was, she already knew how in love most of those guys were with her- except Dennis.

Dennis is the quiet, valedictorian of their batch. He doesn’t spend time hanging out with guys in corridors to tease girls for fun. He isn’t a show off about his brains and good looks either. He just likes to study in the library or eat lunch with a few close friends or read a fiction book in his spare time with his earphones on. Dennis used to be in Natalia’s class in first year but he had been in Natasha’s class since sophomore until now. Natasha secretly liked him too but only Natalia has been vocal about her crush on him. So it came as a shock to them both when Dennis chose to write to her. Natasha.

She felt bad towards Natalia, of course. But she knew she just hurt her pride and that Talia wasn’t really serious about her feelings with Dennis. Nevertheless, Natasha was taking things slow. She hasn’t told Dennis yet how much she really likes him. Her letters were a little conservative and secretive. Not today though. Natasha has decided to finally tell him exactly how she feels.

The bell rings and everyone rushes to the door. Natasha catches Dennis’ eye and smiles at him only to be be ignored. Dennis stood from his chair and walked out of the classroom without a word. She was left there, stuck to her seat, confused.

When everyone has left, Natalia comes inside the room wearing a bright, sunny smile.

“Let’s go Tasha! I have something to tell you.” she says.

*

“You’re going to the dance with Robert?” Tasha looked surprised.

“Yes. I figured he’s the most attractive and he’s nice too, you know?” Natalia brushes her hair in the mirror and watched her sister’s reflection nod.

“I can do your hair tomorrow, if you like.” Natalia offers.

Tasha smiled weakly and shook her head.

“I’m not going.”

If Natasha had told her at that moment that Robert didn’t ask, Natalia would have given her the letter right now and apologized that she must have taken it by accident because Robert mistook Natalia’s locker for hers. But Natasha didn’t.

“I’ve decided not to go. I told Robert I’m not comfortable attending the dance.” is what she says instead.

Natalia paused and dropped her hair brush on the desk. She didn’t know what to say. People say that twins have some sort of telepathy. They can read each other minds very well. But Natalia never believed it. Or it might just not apply to them. She couldn’t count the times she wished it was true so she could read her sister’s mind- especially now.

*

Today is the dance and the weather is wonderful. Natasha watched her sister do her hair, make-up, and finally, puts on her blue sequined dress that they purchased together along with Natasha’s red dress.

“I’m really sorry, Tasha.”

“Why?”

Natalia realized her words.

“Well, I meant cause’ you don’t want to go to the dance and you can’t wear your dress, so…”

It didn’t even make sense. Natasha just told her that it was her own decision. Something about Natalia’s expression makes her feel that something was up.

“I’ll be fine.” she said.

Talia nods. There was a knock on the door and Natalia opens it. Ms. Olivia gasps.

“Oh my God, you’re beautiful, my dear.” she says.

Natalia beams and playfully twirls her dress.

“Thank you so much!”

Ms. Olivia, one of the longest orphanage staffs, sees Natasha on the bed in her normal clothes.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet, Tasha dear?” she asks.

“I’m not going to the dance, Ms. Olivia. I actually prefer lying in bed than going to the party.” Natasha explains.

“Oh, okay.” Ms. Olivia doesn’t ask more. Then she turns to Talia. “Your date is waiting in the lobby. Make sure you behave and come back tonight before 9 pm okay?” she reminds her.

“I promise!” Natalia hugs her and waves goodbye at Natasha.

Tasha exhales deeply and drags herself from the bed to go join the crowd outside. She might as well join the event happening inside the orphanage.

*

A middle aged couple sat on the far end of the room, smiling at all the children playing toys around them.

Natasha sees the woman sigh heavily and then their eyes met. The woman stares at her for a few seconds before she smiles warmly. Natasha smiles back.

*

Natalia takes Robert’s hand and suddenly remembers the letter she gave Dennis yesterday. She said she couldn’t come and then signed it with “Nat” at the end. Dennis obviously knew it was from Tasha even though it wasn’t. Natalia felt bad but something inside her wasn’t regretting what she did. She could confess tomorrow and Natasha will be mad but get over it quickly. That’s how it always is. She pretends she was sorry and Tasha would pretend she’s forgiven her and they they would forget about it.

Robert smiles and she brushes off any bad feeling for tonight. Just for tonight. She’ll be a different girl. A girl having fun. She won’t be the fashionista twin. No. She would just be Natalia.

*

There were noises of things moving around and cabinets opening and closing that woke her up. Natalia watches her sister pack her things in a luggage.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“I’m moving out.”

“Where are you going?” Natalia asks again. She had slept in her dress, too tired and too happy to bother changing clothes last night. She was a little tipsy from the drinks that Robert gave her when they went to his friends’ house to have an afterparty with other students.

Natasha zips her luggage then looked at her in the eye.

“You wanted another life, right? a new one?” Natasha says. Her tone sharp, her face unreadable.

“What?” Natalia was afraid now. She can’t read her sister’s mind but she knew. She just knew she was going to say something terrible.

“I saw Dennis’ letter last night in your bag. I was supposed to borrow your pen.”

“I’m sorry Ta-

Natasha held up a hand.

“It doesn’t matter. We’ve both made our decisions.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You’re free Talia. and so am I.” Natasha says. She held a paper in the air. It was their greatest wish ever since they came here. The adoption papers.

Natalia didn’t notice that tears were already falling down her face.

“Someone….someone selected you yesterday?” Natalia asks.

“Yes. Someone finally did.”

“Did you tell them you have a sister?” Natalia shouted.

For a second she thought Natasha would say no.

“I did.” her sister says. “Then they asked me if it was okay if I leave you behind. They can only take one.”

Something very heavy fell on the pit of Talia’s stomach.

“What did you say?” she couldn’t help but ask it still.

“I said yes.”

Natasha shakes her head. “Last night when you were drunk, you told me that you hated being a shadow of someone else for the rest of your life. That you’re sick of being compared all the time. I haven’t signed the papers yet. I was thinking about it. Thank you for making the decision easier for me.”

Natalia stands up and grabs her sister by the shoulders.

Natasha shakes her off. “I hated it too, Talia. I hated hearing everyone say how you’re more approachable and funny than I am. But at least I never hated you. Not until yesterday.”

She wipes her tears and gave Talia a paper bag.

“Happy Birthday, sis.” she says and leaves the room.

Natalia opens it, inside was the necklace she always tells Tasha she wanted for her birthday.

It felt empty now in her hands.

She wanted a new life. But wishes come with a heavy price. Natalia realized it never occurred to her that to live a new life means losing her sister. This time she was wrong. Natasha did not pretended to forgive her. Instead, Tasha chose to betray her and leave her behind.