Presidential talk

“Well, Bob it seems like we're all in a very awkward position.”

“Yes, Kelly. I hope you're happy now that you're president the of United States.”

“No, I am not because now you are also president the of United States. The election ended in a complete draw and now we were both sworn in as president. How does that even happen?”

“I'm not really sure but nobody is bothering to question it so like it or not we have to share the job. Turns out Congress and the Senate is now completely split down the middle with this election.”

“Well, I guess we need to discuss the issues and plan out what we are going to do in the 1st 100 days in office because this is going to mean something very important for our presidency. 1st is the matter of abortion I say we just don't allow it it's against the Christian principles.”

“I completely disagree it takes away women's right over their own bodies and their control over it.”

“Wait a minute Bob weren't you pro-abortion during your campaign?”

“Well, I lied about that in order to appease my party. I was planning to go against abortion and all those other issues I'd lied about once I became president. Wait a minute Kelly weren't you against abortion?”

“It seems that we both had the same idea about lying about our stance to get to this position.”

“I see. So what do we do about the whole abortion rights?”

“For now we can just tell everyone that we're undecided about that. Still, something we can't afford to wait about is the economy. We need a better source of income and people aren't exactly super thrilled about the idea of taxes.”

“We just use tariffs on the other countries and have them provide all of the money that we need.”

“That might not be a good idea the other nations are willing to go to war if we keep putting tariffs on them.”

“Let them go to war when we’ve got that strongest military in the world and several atom bombers.”

“They have Adam bombs too. And I'm not talking about a typical army war there I'm talking about a trade war. Those things are always bad news because now we will lose a ton of supplies for a very long time.”

“What do you suggest we do then?”

“Well, I suppose we could just increase taxes on the rich.”

“No way that's out of the question.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I'm a rich. There's no way I'm going to have to pay more taxes. I really don't mind if all my other rich friends have to pay more but I'm not going to pay a cent more than a normal person would.”

“Wait a minute you’re a president you should be immune from having to pay your taxes. It wouldn't affect you.”

“Yes, that is an interesting point. Wait a minute this is the same thing that they put Al Capone away for. You're not counting on me not paying my taxes and then going to the IRS to put me in jail are you.”

“Of course not nobody really likes the IRS.”

“You shouldn't. Why if it wasn't for them people would spend way more money and you know maybe the best way to get rid of the whole money problem is to get rid of the IRS.”

“I don't really like them let's get rid of them just for fun.”

“The next matter we need to discuss is whether or not we should go to war with the Russians since they seem to be attacking Israel and are so far in a stalemate. I have no idea how it is possible for them to be this incompetent.”

“Well, we can't just enter war without a good legal reason.”

“But so many of the people want this war as they are families are there. Let's just go ahead and go to war.”

“Wait a minute we can't decide if we go to war or not it's the Congress and it is really split down the middle. And now with both of us tied, that means we have two vice presidents and I'm not sure they can decide anytime soon. I guess we could just tell everyone that for the moment everything is undecided.”

“Well, what else is new no one ever makes any important decisions about these matters.”

“Next there is the matter of gun violence and gun safety checks what do you think we should do about that.”

“Well, I own a gun I'm not going to let people take those things away besides it depends on the constitution.”

“I know that but there seemed to be more mass shootings than ever as it is now becoming easier for psychopaths and other people to get their hands on a gun.”

“Do you own a gun?”

“Well yes.”

“Do you want to be taken away?”

“Well no.”

“Then why are we even discussing this matter.”

“Because the voters seem to be really upset about this and are cut down the middle.”

“Let's just say it was undecided.”

“I don't think that's such a good idea especially since we've already said that a few other things are undecided. Perhaps if we make it more difficult for crazy people to pass the screening test it will decrease gun violence or at least give people a reason to say that we're at least trying to control gun safety.”

“Do you think you can pass our proper screening test to own your gun?”

“Well no.”

“Well, then that idea is out of the question. How about we have several scientists secretly make a high-tech gun and then secretly distribute it and make it seem like we had nothing to do with it. Then we'll say that these guns are more dangerous and downgrade them to the regular guns. After that, everyone will think that we're doing a good job controlling gun safety.”

“Yes that's a brilliant idea perhaps there is some benefit to working with another president after all.”

“Wait a minute is there someone here who's been listening to us this whole time.”