No One's Daughter

heads up, this has some foul language in it.

Everyone always says forgive and forget, get over it, find peace and move on. No, I’m not moving on, I don’t care if they’re sorry, I don’t care if they want to make up and be nice to me. I will not give them that satisfaction, they don’t get to find peace and live the rest of their lives happily, while I suffer through mine because of what they did. Fine, they want to meet up, we can meet up, but I’m not giving them the satisfaction of giving in. If they want to see me, they can, they can see the truth, the person they forced me to be. god, I hope it hurts. I hope they look at me and feel bad. I hope they go home after and sob, knowing that this is their fault, I hope they look at me,

and regret everything.

So I meet them in the cafe that they requested at the time they asked, it’s a trick I can already tell, they’re taking me to the place we used to go when I was a kid, god, even now they’re still trying to manipulate me. And people tell me to forgive and forget. I sit down opposite them the same place I sat all those years ago. They look… perplexed. Perfect, I haven’t even spoken, and they’re already uncomfortable.

“So, what do you want?” My voice is stern, low and masculine. I practised in the car. I watch as their faces fall slightly at the sound of my voice. Oh, it’s perfect. I want them to know that she’s gone, the little girl they ‘raised’ is gone, dead, long past, and never, ever coming back.

“Katy-” my mother begins, and I cut her off.

“It’s Kayden.” I pull out my ID, it has my real name on it, it has for years, I am Kayden, and she can’t deny it. Oh, her face is priceless. I wish I could watch it over and over. Oh, and my dad’s even better, he looks like he wants to yell, to scream at me to start a fight, like he used to. But he can’t not be here, not in public, not now. It’s too late, his power is gone, and he knows it; he can’t argue with someone he hasn’t seen in two years.

“Kat- Kayden, we want to reconnect, spend time with you, we miss you,” my mum says again, she can feel the tension building. God, hate to admit this, but I kinda miss it, the tension, the anger, the fights, it was… thrilling.

“Ha, bullshit, what do you really want.” I don’t have to pretend to believe them anymore, I’m my own person; they can’t control me.

“Your sister’s wedding is coming up and-” my dad starts, ah, I see they want to play happy family so they don’t look bad in front of the family.

“Oh, you were invited to that,” I say, sticking to the monotone voice I had perfected just for this. “Didn’t think she’d want you there.” Yeah, I’m doing this on purpose now.

“Yes, we hear you were a part of her wedding party, so we wanted to try and make amends,” my mother sighs.

“So you look good in front of the family.” I finish for her. They don’t even respond, they know I see straight through their crap, I’m not a kid anymore, I’m not their little girl.

“Katy!” My dad slams his hands on the table, I roll my eyes, here we go again “How dare you disrespect us like this, we put so much time raising you into the perfect little girl and now you’ve gone out of your way to disobey us, acting like everything we did was worthless, like you don’t even care, your mother has gone out of her way to orginase this meeting so we could have a chance to reconnect. And all you’ve done is be a shitty kid, disrespecting us every step of the way!” He yells. And there it is, the reason I left, the reason I haven’t talked to them for two years, the reason I didn’t tell them I was trans, the reason I still haven’t told them I’m dating a boy, the reason they know nothing. Because all they want to do is yell, because I’m always wrong, I’m the child, I’m the eldest sibling, everything is my fault.

I can’t help but laugh, a full stomach laugh, my dad looks furious, my mum looks devastated.

“Oh god. I knew this would be interesting, but my god! This shit show is hella entertaining!” I laugh, long and hard, a laugh that they would never recognise as mine, the laugh of a man, a strong independent man, that knows his worth, that knows I am worth more than any of their comments or weird looks, a man who knows that they mean nothing to him. I’m not their little girl anymore, I’m not the people-pleasing pushover I was before.

“And it’s Kayden, Dad, has been for two whole years. And y’all wonder why I never talk to you, Asshole.”

My Dad just stares at me. A stare that once would have made me shrink away, or start apologising. But no, I don’t do that anymore, a simple stare isn’t gonna scare me. My mum watches on, not saying a word. Wow, shocking, it’s not like she’s done that since I was seven.

“What are you wearing to the wedding?” Wow, Mum is so mature, trying to change the subject so we don’t have to talk about the hard stuff.

“A pink suit, bride’s choice, of course,” I say casually, god, this is fun.

“A suit?” My dad’s voice calms slightly, hah, nice mum, always knew how to get dad to shut up. “Why not a dress like the other bridesmaids?”

I stare at him for a second, then look down at the hoodie, flannel and jeans I’m wearing, brushing my hand through my short hair, I can feel my top surgery scars rub against the fabric of my shirt.

“Because I’m a boy?” I say in the most sarcastic, obvious, annoyed, masculine voice I could muster. Giving him the whole, ‘was that not obvious, or are you just too stupid to get it’ look.

“Katy,” my mum cuts in quietly “, Are you sure that’s the best idea? do you know what some people might think at the wedding?”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. Oh no, people will see a man in a suit, how shocking, how controversial.

“I don’t really care, and the bride chose this; she wants me in a suit. you two are the only ones that have had any problem with it.”

“Well, it’s just a bit much, don’t you think?” my mum continues quietly “She’s already marrying another woman, and now you’re going to wear a suit. Don’t you think it’s a little too much? There will be children there, Katy. We don’t want to push all… this on them,”

How do I even respond to that?

“Huh?”

“We don’t want to influence all of the little ones with all your lgbatig+ stuff,”

“LGBTQAI+” I correct.

“Well, I think it’s a little wrong you’re shoving this down the kid’s throats, you might influence them, like you did with your sister,” she says quietly.

“You still think I turned my sister gay, like some fairy gaymother, don’t you?” I say deadpan.

“Katy, it’s wrong!” My dad cuts in.

Oh, I just had a brilliant idea.

“Fine, I’ll wear a dress, but don’t you dare talk to me at the wedding.” I stand up and leave without a word. I’ve got to make a call.

A month later, at the wedding, I wore a dress like my parents said, with my sister’s permission, of course. I brought my boyfriend along too, god, the looks on my parents’ faces when my niece walked over and asked them.

“Why is that boy wearing a dress?”

Oh, it’s perfect, a tall man, with a full beard, a flat chest and short hair, rocking a bridesmaid dress. My sister loved it and so did my boyfriend, and my parents could do a thing, because I did exactly as they told me.

I think I finally got my revenge then, not by hurting them or blocking them off, but by letting them see the real me, the man I had grown to be. The man they tried to kill of with years of arguments and name-calling. years of yelling and insults, but right now, the man who stands in front of them, beaming, while my sister gets married to the love of her life. I know I’ve won, they’re going to have to deal with it, I don’t need them, I don’t want them in my life. And they’re just going to have to live with that. Because my name is Kayden, not Katy, I’m a man, not a girl, and I am no one’s daughter.