Morals and Crosswalks

I don’t have bad days, but despite that, I was having an awful day. 

I got stuck in traffic and my usual parking lot was full by the time I got there. Looking outside the parking lot I still couldn't find any parking near my work. And when I did find parking, it was 2 blocks away. This meant I had to walk from there just to get to work on time. 

And worst of all, at the final crosswalk to get to my work, I was next to some old bat of a woman. 

She has a tacky tan purse, a floral dress and a sun hat that is far too big. On top of that, it looks like she might start talking to me any moment now. If she does she’ll probably talk about how she has grandchildren and loves each of them so much. Of course, I don't know for sure that she has grandchildren but how could someone like her not have grandchildren. 

Regardless of the old lady, I take a step and get as close to the crosswalk as possible. I completely ignore this lady's existence, she doesn't matter and I'll never have to see her again after this. Even though I was ignoring her, I could still feel her staring into the back of my head. 

I hear a soft voice but ignore it, just looking forward and desperately hoping for the light to change so I could walk away without acknowledging this lady. 

Despite my hopes, the light doesn't change and the voice I was ignoring becomes louder. 

I continue looking straight ahead until I feel a finger poke me, I look over and see it was the old lady who poked me! 

If she wanted my attention, she'd get it, so I turned towards her and spoke with venom coating my words “What do you want, lady?”

Taking in the venomous tone, she looks at me with a strained smile and asks, “Hello Mister, can you help me cross the street?”

I can't stop my eye from slightly twitching at her audacity, I speak in a calm but furious tone  “Use your cane you old bat. You have it for a reason.”

I have a meeting I have to go to and need to be there at least two hours early. My rule is if you aren't two hours early, then you are late. I live by that rule and if any employees come to a meeting any later than two hours early, I mark them down as the poor employees they are. 

I refuse to be like them and there's absolutely no way I'd waste my time with this old woman when it would stop me from being on time. 

The light changes and I take a step forward onto the street, only to find myself planting my foot down right next to the old lady like I had a minute ago. Despite stepping forward, I was in the same exact spot as before I started crossing the road. But there was something strange, the lady was in the same place as she was when I first got here. On top of that, the crossing sign’s light had somehow changed back to red. 

Looking around, I don't see anything out of the ordinary besides the fact I've already seen all of this less than a minute ago. I can't help but softly ask myself, 

“What the hell is happening?”

But upon doing so, the old lady looks over and asks, “Are you okay Mister?”

Her voice is grating, so I respond, “It's none of your business, lady.”

She scrunches up her wrinkled face before evidently deciding to move on and then proceeds to look back at the sign. 

I check my phone and yeah, it has the time from earlier, does that mean-

The old lady interrupts my thought process, 

“Mister, it seems like you're deep in thought but can you help me cross the street”

I looked at her but couldn't help the scowl that crossed my face. A scowl that only grew as I said, “Absolutely not you old bat.”

Her face filled with annoyance and displeasure. 

Instead of acknowledging that, I look up and see the crosswalk light has luckily changed. I take one step forward and step into the spot next to the lady… 

The sign is back to red. The lady is looking away… it’s all the same, I am back to the moment this thing started. 

I don’t even bother with the old lady or this crosswalk this time and instead turn around and take a step towards the parking lot I parked my car in. As my step ends, I'm back and next to the old lady. 

I try walking forward, backwards, to either side. I try jumping, sprinting, and even falling but no matter what, I always come back to the moment my foot stops and makes me stand next to the old lady. 

It feels ridiculous, but.it seems like I’m stuck in a time loop and nothing I do can  change it. Will I ever get out? Will I end up like Bill Murray in Groundhog's day? Reliving this moment over and over again? 

No! 

He got out and I can too! 

How'd the movie end though? Didn't he do some nice things and that somehow allowed him to end his time loop? Maybe that could work for me? And one of the nicest things I could do is help this old bat next to me cross the street. 

Wait, is that what's happening right now? Am I being forced to do a “good thing” by helping her and if I don't, this horrible situation repeats? If that's the case, I’ll end the situation right here. 

I take a step to the left to get back to the beginning of the time loop, in which my foot lands next to the old lady. 

I look over at her with the biggest smile I can manage before saying, “Hello madam, would you like some help crossing the street?”

She looks back at me with a frown, “No, no I wouldn't.”

“Well I'm happy to help, so just let me… wait… you don't want help?”

She glares at me, “What? Just because I'm old you don't think I can cross the street on my own?”

I can't help but stumble back in response to her aggressive rebuke, but stumbling back also causes me to restart the time loop. 

It seems that approaching the old lady first is not the way to do things or else she'd blow up at me. 

I instead stand there until she speaks to me first. 

When she does, she repeats the first thing she said to me, “Hello Mister, can you help me cross the street?”

In response, I look at her and speak in my most excited voice possible before saying, “Of course I will.”

Noticing my enthusiasm, she looks at me skeptically for just a moment before holding out her arm for me to hold. Perhaps I overdid it but that doesn't matter now. 

I gently grab on to her arm and wait for the light to change. When it does, I step forward onto asphalt. Despite how ridiculous I feel to be walking an old lady across the street, it seems to be working. 

And mercifully it isn't until half way across that the old lady starts speaking. She does in fact talk about her grandkids and just doesn't stop. She continues on until we fully cross the street. Since I’ve beat the time loop, I let go and take a step into the position next to the old lady… I'm back to the beginning of the time loop, I didn't escape and even worse, I don’t have even the slightest idea of how to escape. So what now? Do I just try things until something works? 

—

I don't know how long I've been in this time loop or how many times I've gone through it. 

No matter what I've tried, none of it helps. None of it gets me any closer to getting out of this. 

I've tried things I'm not proud of, things I refuse to try again. Even if what I've done turned out to be the key to escape, I couldn't do it, not again. 

But there are two important things I've learned. Things that, while they don't actively help me, they do at least change something 

1. The loop restarts if I move outside of my original standing position, unless I do so while helping the old lady across the street. 
2. The loop will continue if I keep holding on to her arm after crossing the road but the moment I let go of it, the loop restarts. 

I  just need to find some way to escape and get out of this. 

—

I give up, I can't escape. I've tried, I've tried so hard to find something that will allow me to escape. And I've run out of all the things I'm willing to try. All of this is too much. 

I don't know how long it's been, but repeating the same thing, over and over again is too much. And I already know everything that happens around me. I know when the mouse in the sewer squeaks and how many leaves are on all the trees we walk past. 

I've given up on escaping and exhausted everything I can do to distract myself. On top of that, I have to walk the old lady across the street every time and listen to her chatter if I want the loop to continue.

 I’ve always ignored her to focus on other things. But the old lady is the only other human I can interact with while in the loop... What was her name again? 

—

Her name is Sally and she's the sweetest person I've ever met. She deeply loves her grandchildren and is on her way to visit them. Despite how long I've ignored her, she's actually a really great conversationalist. Either way, it beats being lonely and bored. Who am I kidding Speaking to Sally and befriending her has been the best thing about this whole time loop situation. 

—

My foot lands in the spot next to Sally and I make an active effort to seem like I'm not doing anything. On top of that, my phone is well out of sight. It turns out that seeing me on my phone was a bit intimidating for Sally. 

So instead, I just look at the sign until I hear, “Hello Mister, could you help me cross the street?”

Not that I want to, but I can't stop the smile on my face when I say, “Of course I will.” 

She holds her arm out for me to grab and I link arms with my friend. It’s true that she doesn't remember me, and that limits our friendship. But after all the times we've spoken, I can't consider her as anything other than a friend. 

We walk across the street while we yap about nothing and everything. I know all her stories at this point but that doesn't matter. Whenever Sally tells them, she gets a glimmer in her eye and speaks with such joy. 

In the beginning of the loop, I'd been so eager to get out and was honestly not a great person.

Since nothing else worked and my only options were to either do nothing at all and have the loop restart, or walk and chat with someone. I chose the latter and befriended someone. As well as befriending her, I also realized that for me to have been mean to this woman, I wasn’t doing something right.

Ignoring my musings, we pass the crosswalk and continue walking with our arms linked. Our arms stay linked all the way up to my work's office. But as we are passing it, I trip and quickly let go of Sally's arm to not pull her down with me. 

I hit the ground with a thud and feel myself slightly winded. I've never fallen to the ground after a loop restarts. 

But that's just the thing, I'm in front of my office with Sally looking down at me with concern. Because she's so sweet, she asks, “Are you okay Devon?” 

It takes me a moment to respond. I'm out of the time loop! I'm in front of my office and can leave Sally behind… I can leave Sally behind. I'm not stuck with her anymore. But do I want to leave Sally behind at this point? The sweet grandmother who's been nothing but kind to me. 

I get up and say, 

“I am, thank you, but would you want to continue walking?”

She gives me a slightly toothless smile before saying, “Well Devon, I'd quite enjoy that” and holding out her arm. 

I loop my arm with hers. I'll most likely miss the meeting or at the very least not be there two hours early. 

But that rule is silly. People's time is more valuable than I'd been treating it and punishing them for not coming in two hours early is unfair. 

Instead of getting to the meeting early, I'll spend some time with my best friend now that we're outside of a time loop and she’ll remember me. Maybe she’ll even allow me to meet her grandchildren that I’ve heard so much about.