Society Weekly

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Fiction Speculative Funny

Metro News June 12, 1821

Society Weekly

Nancy Nosy brings you the gossip you need to know this week

My friends, my friends. What a week. If you have not heard the latest, Daisy Flowers got hitched last week! There is word her parents did not know, at least, her mother did not. Her father, I am sure, was happy to not have to shell out for that one. The groom is none other than Paul Passive, the non-assuming gentleman who took us all by surprise with singing number this New Year’s Eve past. They ran to the local minister, who saw no reason not to marry the two, especially after a hefty donation to the window replacement fund. Can children be far off? That would certainly turn Poppy Flowers’s astonished tears into overjoyed smiles.

No one even knew the two lovebirds knew each other in more than passing, much less that were making eyes at each other. Who knows what else they might have gotten up to at the Summer Picnic Gathering at the end of May? Perhaps they were already eyeing future real estate in the church pew on Sunday last. We will have to keep an eye out for flourishing plans.

Moving on, to less happy news, it seems the flowers have disappeared from Happy Pond in Fairshire Park. All of them, right down to the roots, disappeared overnight on Wednesday. Or was it already Thursday? We shall have to keep an eye on our surrounding gardens this coming week for new plantings. Perhaps they will appear at a happy new residence. I have heard, from a reliable source, that Mr. Passive’s family were stewards of the park in earlier days. In all likelihood, the new Mrs. Passive decided the landscape around her new home should be as floral as possible.

As the lovely bride was previously still installed in the home of her childhood, and her dapper husband was the guest of Hub Nubber,, local real estate king, the two will likely take up residence at PackAWallop Inn for a few days until they move their belongings into their new abode. I am sure Mr. Nubber will assisting them in attaining the sprawling Hope Cove, which could accommodate numerous children, family, friends, and assorted animals, though who is to say there is much of a difference in that list?

Now that the former Miss Flowers is ensconced in matrimony, the younger next of her sisters, Lilly will have her eye on the good gentlemen in town for hooking, though how she’ll find one in a library we’ll never know. Perhaps Mr. Alan Pagely, the librarian will catch her notice. With their noses both constantly in books, maybe they will bump into each other at some point. We cannot possibly be expected to wait for these two to get together to have a wedding when we have already been deprived of one.

We shall look now at who was spotted at tea in Flabberjockey’s together last week. Perhaps we might notice some future couplings there. Widower George Reaperly, was seen sharing a cup with Alice Wheeser and she, at least, was shedding tears, but that could have been her notorious allergies, poor woman. Mr. Reaperly, for his part, did not seem to be engaging in much conversation, but does he ever really? Might these two lonely people give it a go and end the lonely nights?

 There were also spied out Tamily Falldred and Maxwell Ketchum, seated, thank the good lord above as much as the poor girl trips, with tea and biscuits and settled in for a good long chat. Hopefully the napkins hold up under Miss Falldred’s dreadful propensity for dropping and dripping. One does wonder how they ended up at the table together. Perhaps he did, in fact, catch her as she fell in his general direction? Time will tell.

The noticeably unattached Fred Bactchnor, was sitting at a table on his own reading a newspaper, though how much he absorbed while it was upside down and he was watching the lovely Christine Whistlenorfer, one cannot tell. Perhaps he is contemplating life with the outlandish laugh of an otherwise lovely lady. He may well wonder if other bizarre sounds emit from those cupid’s bow lips at inopportune times, as do we all. Can we all imagine the honk of joy that might occur at the altar if these two could step into each other at last?

Leaning away from the language of love, though I do hate to, we must look at the bank and all of its new and sudden décor. The shining of brass lamps, the smell of the freshly painted sign, new furniture in the lobby, and the spiffy new suits of the bank president, Mr. Samwell Munson, all have us wondering who the big new client is.

Could it be that a far off relative of one of our resident’s has passed on and left someone very wealthy? Andy Hoppleton does have family far and wide. Maybe one of them has millions to leave and likes no one but happy Andy. He is such an example for us all with his laid back, easy going style.

 It is possible that someone has visited the patent office with a shining idea that will benefit us all. Maybe that kid that makes the bread and the rolls all the time has come up with the recipe that will make our whole town famous. What is that child’s name? Oh yes, Hershel Goodbarly. We should definitely keep an eye on that young man’s future. He does make excellent bread.

Mr. Munson almost certainly didn’t borrow against the accounts of his clients. You do hear of it happening in the bigger cities now and then, but surely, that could not happen here. The town is too small. People would notice. Did anyone else see the fancy window washing setup he has, by the way? And the astonishing gentleman that actually does the washing, well, hello sir. We will see whose attention that man attracts in the future won’t we?

That will do for this week, I believe. You know whose ear to whisper into should you notice anything happy, sad, or untoward, now, don’t you? Until next time.

Shanda Kersten

June 7, 2024

June 07, 2024 17:52

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1 comment

Marshall Gothage
10:54 Jun 15, 2024

Interesting piece. Your columnist is quite the gossiper! I liked the sentence “He may well wonder if other bizarre sounds emit from those cupid’s bow lips at inopportune times, as do we all.”


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