A Mother's Love

The cold wind beat hard against her thin worn hoodie, stinging the exposed flesh of her face. 

“I was so stupid.” Janie huddled against the cold hard brick wall of the Salvation Army Store. The small overhang provided little shelter through out the night. 

A beat-up aging minivan pulled into the parking lot. The worn-out blue paint was barely discernable through the snow.

A plump woman with dark skin and kind bright hazel eyes hopped out of the Van and hurried to the door.

“I’m sorry Miss, we are not opening today.” The woman shivered as she fumbled with the store keys.

“Oh….” Janie’s heart melted in disappointment. Her body ached all over.

As the woman opened the door the festive jingle bells on the wreath rang joyfully. “Why don’t you come in for a minute and warm up honey.” 

“I…I just need….” Janie stuttered as she fumbled to get the crumpled-up cash and loose change from the bottom of the hoodie pocket she’d worn. Her fingers tensed around it ready to pull out the change she had pandered. “Please, I don’t have much, but could I buy a coat?”

“Come in, Come in.” The women ushered her inside the store. 

Janie stepped inside barely stepping past the threshold. She felt so lowly and ashamed of herself. Filth covered her from head to toe and it had been nearly two weeks since she’d showered. Her long brown hair was thick and greasy, and her face still held proof of the beating she’d taken.

“I’m Melisa, I manage this store.” Melisa surveyed the sad looking young girl. She guessed she was barely twenty, but it was obvious in her steel blue eyes that life had aged her well beyond that. Melisa hurried to turn on the space heater behind the counter and ushered the young girl in front of that.

“Janie.” Janie replied, tears began to well in the corner of her eyes. For weeks she’d experienced every unkindness unimaginable as she made her way home. She’d had to beg, hitchhike and walk as far as she’d made it. She’d been hungry, tired and cold…. but mostly afraid.

Melisa took off her large blue puffer coat revealing an ugly Christmas Sweater with a Llama and some jingling bells. She thought of her mother, and how she too loved those silly sweaters. Janie had been embarrassed by them. She’d dreaded every December when her mother would wear them straight through to New Year. Looking back she realized they hadn't been all that bad.

“Good to meet you Janie.” Melisa smiled and shook the girl’s thin dirty hand. 

The dam broke and a flood of emotions came forward. Janie began to sob, missing home and mostly missing her mother.

“Come here child.” Melisa put her arms around the girl’s small body. She rocked her like she used to rock her own daughter, “I’m here”. She found herself repeating and kissing her forehead. “We’ll get you right.”

Janie relived in her head all the mistakes she’d made. Leaving home to run away with a guy she hardly knew. That had been the first. He’d made promises, sweet talked her and then snuck her out of state and away from the safety of all she’d knew. That first night he’d tossed her phone out the car window as they hit the highway.

 He’d said he’d lived in Florida and they’d have a great life together, walking on warm beaches at Sunset and spending weekends at Disney World. She wasn’t even sure where he’d taken her, but it was most definitely not Florida. At first the rundown apartment in the center of a loud and violent city seemed heaven. She felt what she thought was freedom. She had worked her fingers to the bone cleaning up the place trying to turn it into a home. 

But things quickly changed. His friends came around, and they were rough and loud. Around them she felt small and meek. They scared her. They would drink and play music loud until they collapsed in the living room, sometime there were five or six men. She was sure there was more going on so she’d hide in the bedroom pretending to read the old Newsweek magazines she’d found discarded by the dumpster.

The night they drank way too much and got louder then they ever had, the night she couldn’t hold her pee in any longer and she crept from the bedroom to the bathroom it all changed. They took turns that night, they all took turns at her. She wasn’t even sure how many. But when dawn came she crept out of the fire escape as they laid passed out drunk and she made her way home. 

“Thank Jesus I left my cell phone here yesterday.” Melisa looked upward saying a prayer aloud. 

Janie pulled away and began whipping her face as if she could hide the tears.

“Can I call someone for you? Your mother perhaps?” Melisa recovered her cell phone from behind the counter where she’d forgotten in. There was no charge.

“I don’t know if she’ll answer. I don’t know if she’ll want me back. I said so much.” Janie admitted fearfully. “I told her I hated her.”

“Janie, I know a little something about being a mother.” Melisa pocketed her phone. “There aint a thing you could do that she couldn’t forgive. Children are a little piece of their mother’s soul. Your born of a woman, you grew inside her and you nursed from her. There is no greater love I promise you, than a mother for her child.”

Janie nodded and tucked her hands in her pockets. 

“So, I’d like very much for you to come back to my place with me. We will get you fed and warmed up, perhaps a nice shower.” Melisa gently stroked Janie’s hair behind her ear. “I’ll charge up my phone and when your ready we will give your mother a call.”

“I think I’d like that.” Janie smiled weakly. 

Melisa’s home was small, but cheerful and festively decorated. A flocked artificial tree was hung with all kinds of home-made ornaments. Paper chains and glittery pine-cones, Popsicle stick picture frames with Polaroid pictures of a young girl in different stages of elementary school, and cinnamon dough ornaments were among the many.

Gifts wrapped in faded red and green wrapping paper sat under the tree. 

Janie’s finger brushed the branch as Melisa handed her a steaming mug of hot chocolate. “Look how pretty you are all cleaned up.  I knew there was a princess behind all that.” Her voice was tender and comforting.

In the background the radio played the Christmas station. Every window had a candle lit and the whole apartment smelled of the endless baking Melisa had done.

“You just have one daughter?” Janie asked as they sat down on the couch together.  A tray of every kind of Christmas Cookie imaginable sat in front of them as they snacked together.

Melisa smiled, “Yes, Just the one. She’s my everything.” Her voice was warm and nostalgic. For a moment she was lost in thought. 

“She’d be about twenty-four now.” Melisa covered their laps with a heavy red blanket.

“Does she come see you?” Janie asked.

“Oh, when she can.” Melisa smile faded for a moment. “Now about that call, are you ready?”

Janie felt uncertain. Her brow furrowed and her eyes welled. “I….ummm…I don’t know.”

“Would you like me to speak to her first?” Melisa offered.

*******************************************************

Janie’s mom drove all night to reach Melisa’s apartment. Just after dawn, Janie watching through the window, saw her red escalade pull up. Her mother flew from the vehicle barely managing to shut the door.

Melisa had just finished making coffee when Janie raced through the kitchen and out through the front door. She followed and found the mother and daughter embracing, both on their knees in the snow. Sobbing apologies were being made by both women.

“Come on inside now ladies, before you freeze. Breakfast will be ready soon.” Melisa gestured for them all to come inside.

Janie’s mom came up to her. Her blue eyes were red rimmed and her long brown hair disheveled. “I can’t thank you enough for helping my daughter. What can I ever do to repay you?”

“Just love her,” Melisa’s voice hitched with emotion. “Momma, you just love that girl and hold onto her. She’s so precious.”

After lunch, Janie and her mother got into the car to drive home. Janie was bundled into Melisa’s big blue puffer coat. 

“Thank you,” Janie held onto Melisa’s hand a moment longer. 

Melisa’s eyes teared up. She thought of the faded gift-wrapped boxes under the tree, the same gifts she’d set out for the last fourteen years. Blinking quickly, she patted Janie’s hand. “You ladies have a safe drive home and make sure to let me know when you make it there.”

“Promise you’ll come visit us?” Janie asked.

“Promise.” Melisa replied.

Janie smiled at her mother. “Let’s go home.”

As they pulled away Janie put her hands in the pocket of her coat. She felt something unexpected. Her fingers tensed around a small box and a folded piece of paper.

Pulling it out she looked at it quizzically. Her name was written on the faded green wrapping in pen.

“What’s that?” her mom asked.

Janie carefully unwrapped the small box. Inside was a delicate charm bracelet with a heart. She put it on her wrist and then opened the letter.

“Dearest Janie, you asked me if I get to see my daughter. Her name was Shondra and the last time I hugged her was fourteen years ago. She wanted to go out one night with her friends, and we argued before she left. I told her to be home by nine to help me decorate the tree, at 10:50 pm her friend’s car was struck by a drunk driver. 

Neither of the girls survived. I never got to say goodbye to my little girl.

Every year I decorate the tree and put out the gifts I would have given her that Christmas. I know she would have wanted you to have this one.

It had always been just her and I.  I thought my world was over. 

Hold on to your mom, remember she is human not perfect. Her love for you is endless and you are lucky to have each other.

And thank you. In your eyes I saw my Shondra again, in your arms I held her once more.

Merry Christmas

Melisa”