The unwanted Acceptance

West Africa, Liberia, 1992: shooting, killing, shouting, famine, and destruction. Can a child survive in a place like this, where most young boys are given a gun to shoot their friends, family, and innocent citizens? It’s a place where children are no longer looked upon as children but as potential killers, where parents and families have to leave each other behind to die or stay together and watch each other get killed before their eyes. This is not a place to give birth now, Momma. Not now. Not in the condition of this country. But Momma had no choice, did she? Momma was only fourteen, and Papa was twenty-four. Momma claimed that she was in love, that she needed Papa while ignoring the fact that he was her teacher, her babysitter, and how young she was at the time. She ignored how thin and fragile her bones were compared to his. But Papa, why couldn’t you see that Momma was not ready? It had been three years since they were sneaking around, and finally, something happened. Momma was vomiting, and she was crying. Who was she going to tell? She had no one but her only cousin, Omo. She couldn’t tell Omo though. He was the one who asked Papa to watch Momma as he traveled. Omo would be devastated and ashamed of Momma and Papa. Oh, Momma, you should have known it would come to this. Momma, stop vomiting. Please make it go away. Do all you can to make it go away. “Oh no!” she cried out. I watched Momma run to Omo to tell him the news. Omo was so furious. He was angry and confused all at once. “Who did this?” he asked angrily. After Momma gave a frightened answer, Omo stormed out. He must be going to Papa’s house. “Where is he? Where is he? Where is the rapist? Where is the ingrate? Where is the backstabber? Where is he?” Unfortunately, Papa was not home. He was at work, teaching at the school. So Omo left Papa’s house. On his way, Momma followed in tears. At the school Momma saw Papa and she ran to him. Oh, Momma, why are you running to him? He’s at work and you are supposed to be his student. Omo was very angry but managed to keep the little respect he had left for Papa. He pulled Papa away from his class and asked him questions that I could not understand; he was speaking fast. Papa was just standing there holding Momma. I’m guessing that they were in love, or was he just feeling sorry for himself? Everyone was watching, all of Papa’s students and administrators. What would happen to Papa if this controversy came out in the open? Papa must have thought about that when he and Momma first met. They took a long time to discuss this—well, Omo was doing all the talking. Papa went on his knees! I got closer to hear what he was saying. “I’m sorry, Omo. I’m sorry.” Papa cried to Omo, but Omo walked away. He was leaving Momma behind with Papa. Momma started running behind Omo as he walked faster. She caught up to him, and they both walked to the house. For the entire day Momma and Omo did not talk to each other. Momma continued crying throughout the day, and Omo ignored her. Despite what Momma placed herself in, Omo loved Momma unconditionally, and he couldn’t see her in this condition and leave her to suffer, so Omo took Momma and made her bread and tea. I watched them talk and smile for the first time in four weeks. Suddenly, amidst the joy, we heard several gunshots and screaming far in the distance. Although the war was past its peak and was ending, every now and then something happened to remind the people of Liberia that it was not fully over. Momma jumped up and ran under a table when she heard gunshots. Omo laughed and said, “It’s okay, Beatrice, the gunshots are not nearby. They’re far away.” She waited until she stopped hearing gunshots before she came out from under the table. Omo was one of the few family members that Momma still had. They were very close, and Omo thought of Momma as his little niece instead of his cousin. Things were looking positive again. Momma was happy, Omo was happy, and, besides the fact that the country was in famine and destruction, being happy internally at this point was a big plus. Wait, I think I spoke too soon. It is five in the morning, Momma walked silently out the door without waking Omo. She ran toward the road. Her flip flops were ruined so she could not run fast. She slowed down and started walking. No, no, Momma, not again! Before I could finish my thought, I saw a man walking up to Momma. Papa hugged Momma tight, and she had the biggest smile on her face. She put her hand down her dress and took out a plastic bag. She opened it and gave Papa bread, sardines, and water. He must be really hungry, he swallowed the bread without chewing it, eating every bit of it, and Momma watched him with as she laughed. She looked happy. She watched him until he started laughing. “Beatrice! Beatrice! Beatrice! Where are you?” Uh oh, Omo is here looking for Momma. She got up from the ground and Papa leapt up as well. They both ran the other direction. Papa looked so scared, he ran faster than Momma. Momma was trying to keep up in her condition. Omo’s voice gradually disappeared. They slowed down to catch their breath. She walked up to Papa, breathless, and fell into his arms, which caught him off guard. He caught her automatically as she nearly hit her head on the ground. “Beatrice, Beatrice, Beatrice, Beatrice, wake up. Wake up, Beatrice!” said Papa. But she only murmured unclear words to him. He tapped her face and felt her neck. “Beatrice, wake up! Don’t do this to me now, Beatrice.” She murmured unclear words continuously. He looked even more afraid than he was a few moments ago before while running away from Omo. “Oh, Jesus, help me. Beatrice, please wake up.” With little response from Momma, Papa put Momma on his back. He started walking while talking to himself. He talked to Momma again, pleading with her to stay awake and saying that he was almost there. “The sun is out really early today; it’s so hot,” Papa said to himself. At least forty-five minutes passed and Papa was still walking. At this point Momma was not uttering a single word. Papa abruptly stopped by what looked like a store, and he laid her on the ground. She shook a little. What was happening to her? Papa, please help Momma. Papa came out of the store with what looked like a water bottle in his hands. He poured a lot on Momma’s entire body from head to toe. Papa looked so nervous and even more scared. “Beatrice, Beatrice can you hear me?” he asked. She was murmuring unclear words again. Papa picked up Momma, and he started walking again. It was probably past noon, and Momma and Papa had been together since morning. Omo was probably worried about Momma or maybe he knew where she was, I mean he should have had an idea. If he did not, then he would not have tried to follow her on the same road to Papa’s school. Papa stopped again, this time at a blue little house with clothing lines. There was something in a pot on a fire in front of the house. “Ma, Momma, Ma ooh where y’all eh?” Papa yelled. An older lady with a lapa cloth wrapped around her waist and a blouse, with slippers on and a head tie ran out the house. “What happened, David, why are you yelling my name?” the older lady asked Papa. Papa grabbed the older lady and placed Momma in her hands. “Please help me Momma, this is Beatrice, Omo’s cousin. She’s pregnant and she fainted and now I can’t wake her up. Please Momma help her,” Papa said. I figured that she must be Papa’s Mom because he kept calling her Momma and she looked older than him. She took Momma into the little blue house and placed another pot on the fire in front of the house with water in it. I watched her put things in the water, but I am not sure what they were. While Papa and his Momma waited for the water to get warm, his Momma turned to him, and looked at him without saying anything. “I know Momma what you are thinking, and yes it’s mine, but please make sure she’s okay before we discuss this issue.” About ten minutes passed. Papa’s Momma walked back into the little blue house and brought out a bucket, poured the water into the bucket and Papa and her walked into the blue house. What is she doing with Momma? I silently asked myself as I watched. She lifted Momma. She took off all of Momma’s clothes - even her underwear. She told Papa to leave the room, so he walked away. She grabbed a cloth and it looked like she was bathing Momma, she washed Momma, every part of her. She rubbed stuff on her body and dressed her in different clothes. I wanted to shout so loud, “Momma is awake Papa, Momma is awake!” but I couldn’t. She looked better than she ever did. Whatever was in that pot worked a miracle. Momma and Papa’s Momma walked outside to Papa, and she handed Momma back to Papa and said, “Take her back to where you took her from and stay away from her before she gets you into trouble or you get yourself fired from your school job.” Papa to his Momma: “But Ma she’s pregnant with your grandchild. If I take her back to Omo he’s going to report me to the school, and I will lose my job. Please Momma, let Beatrice stay here with you and Olu. She knows how to cook, clean and she can help you around the house.” They went back and forth while Momma stood there. Papa’s Momma: (in Liberian English) “What made you think I need help, and what made you go and follow this little baby to get her pregnant David? You embarrass yourself amongst all your crowd of men, you don’t know how to keep your thing between your legs to yourself.” Papa: “Momma it’s already done. Momma. Madia is pregnant as well, so I need to go take care of her. I’m going Momma, I’m going.” Papa’s Momma: “Oooooh David, David, ooh you will kill me, two pregnancies how do you do it? (Then, she turned to Momma with a scary look.) You dry stick you like man too much, went and followed my son, now you think you are part of us … no small girl like you my son will not marry you not when I’m alive and breathing.” Momma was tearing up. I can’t believe Papa’s Momma was this mean to Momma. Papa turned to Momma and said, “Beatrice, please stay with my Ma and Olu until I come back. I will be back in a couple weeks, I promise. Don’t worry, they will take good care of you and please help them out around the house.” Momma agreed. Papa left and Momma moved to run behind him, but Papa’s Momma grabbed onto her so fast. Momma started crying again. I stayed with Momma to have an understanding of her side. Papa’s Momma left Momma outside crying. Momma cried for hours, and then suddenly a young girl approached Momma with a big bowl she was carrying over her head. She saw Momma crying and approached her. She looked like she was in her late teens or early twenties. She was very tall and skinny with a nice hourglass shape. Her skin was almost like Momma’s, but she was lighter than Momma and her hair was long. You couldn’t tell exactly how long her hair was because it was braided in cornrows. She removed the bowl from her head quickly and asked Momma why she was crying. Momma said nothing while she continued to cry, she wiped Momma’s eyes and held her. “Beatrice, stop crying. Stop crying Beatrice. Whatever you’re crying for, it’s going to go away.” She must know Momma because she said her name, and Momma responded to her. “Olu this one won’t go away. Olu it can’t. David na do it again Olu.” “What David na do again, what are you talking about?” the girl asked Momma. Momma called her Olu, and I figured this is the same Olu that Papa was talking about earlier with his Momma. Momma told Olu: “Beatrice pregnant me and Madia at the same time and left me here to go take care of Madia. Omo probably thinks I ran away, and he went to David school to look for me. David Momma just cussed me and left me outside. Olu, this one can’t go away. Olu, help me; I think I want to die.” Olu to Momma: “No one is dying here today. Beatrice you will be f ine, now just stop crying and help me cook. Let’s wait for David, he will come back soon okay; don’t worry.” Olu helped Momma get up off the ground. Momma wiped her face with her clothes and followed Olu in the house. Olu headed to the kitchen area as Momma followed immediately behind. Olu grabbed a pot and told Momma to look in a box that’s sitting on the floor and get the plantains. Momma did what Olu instructed her to do, and after grabbing everything they needed, they went outside and started to cut up the meats, the plantains and the greens that Olu took from inside. I watched closely. The natural way in which the meal was being prepared was fascinating to watch. I was so focused on the preparation of the food that I forgot to pay attention to what Momma was saying to Olu. I diverted my attention back to them. Momma asked Olu: “Olu did you know that Madia is pregnant with David’s child?” Olu: “Yes, Beatrice, I know. David brings Madia here to the house often and Ma likes Madia, she said that she’s David’s age and will make David stop, passing around with different women everywhere in this town knowing full well that he is a teacher. That’s why she was furious when he brought you here today to tell her you’re pregnant by him.” Momma: “So why did David put me in this, lie to me and said he loves me, I’m the only one? Now he impregnated me and left to go to his other woman?” Olu: “Well Beatrice, my dear, David didn’t put you in this alone ooh. You like David and I know he’s way older than you but you like David, so right now all you can do is leave David. If David comes back then he comes back, but if not, give God the glory and take care of your child. Some men are not good and even though David is my uncle, when it comes to women he is a dog, not good.” After Olu mentioned Papa being her Uncle It was a shocker, as she looked like she was around Papa’s age. That meant Papa must have a sister, I thought to myself. Momma to Olu: “Okay Olu I hear you … don’t worry, I will finish cooking the food. You can rest for the day.” Olu asked Momma if she was sure, and after Momma said yes, Olu stayed with Momma and watched her finish making the food. Papa’s Momma came outside the house and looked at what Momma was doing. She gave Momma a dirty look, hissed her teeth and went on her way saying to Olu that she was going to the market. Olu told Momma: “Do not worry about the Olma (Papa’s Momma). She is just a mother who doesn’t want her son to get in trouble for impregnating one of his students and remember that Omo is one of David’s good friends and you are Omo’s relative. This situation now might ruin their friendship, and it probably already has.” Suddenly, a man came and stood over her and watched her keenly. He asked her: “Beatrice, what are you doing here?” Momma replied: “Hello.” He asked again: “I said what are you doing here?” Momma replied: “I just finished cooking y’all food in the house and now I’m washing the pots that I used.” He said: "Why are you here again?” Momma replied: "I don't feel like talking, please ask Olu and she will tell you why I’m here.” He stood there for a few seconds and screamed Olu’s name several times. Olu came out and he asked Olu the same questions he asked Momma. Olu filled him in on what went on through the day and why Momma was there. He started grabbing Momma, telling her to leave, and that she didn’t belong there, and she was too skinny and dry for his brother David. He continued with his outrage on Momma as Olu pulled her away. He said to Momma as Olu pulled her away, “ David will never marry you, and you and that bastard child do not belong here.” The tears that poured down Momma’s face showed how terrible she felt about what he said. As I watched, I couldn’t believe how he was treating Momma. I hoped that this was the worst that it could get, but if only that was true. Before I could even finish my thought something happened that started a new discovery of acceptance.