Let's Be Careful Out There!

TO: THE MANAGER

DEPARTMENT OF DECORUM

IMPORTANCE: HIGH

Please find attached document for your attention.

INTERM REPORT:

HEALTH AND SAFETY MONTHLY OVERVIEW.

JUNE 2025.

Four incidents were reported in the thirty-day period from June1 to 30, inclusive.

These incidents ranged from SAC 2, minor-inconsequential, to SAC 10, moderate-precarious as per Chapman-Chilwell’s severity assessment code.

Each incident is detailed below with remedial action required, recommendations, and/or advisories.

June 2

Dislocated shoulder: SAC 10.

Subject A reported a mechanical fall from an office chair on wheels. This was described as an entirely spontaneous event with no clear precipitating factors. The subject sustained a dislocated shoulder requiring hospital attendance. The subject suffered pain and disability and was absent from duty for seven working days.

Investigations into the chair implicated in the incident revealed no significant defects. Staining on the upholstery was not thought to be a contributing factor. There were no indications of physical hazards in the immediate office environment. Anecdotal reports obtained from an anonymous source allege an established schedule of “Jousting Monday” competitions. This is described as a contest involving two principal participants seated on wheeled chairs being propelled towards each other at speed by third parties, the objective being the unseating of one’s opponent.

The same anonymous source also divulged that chairs on wheels are regularly used as a mode of transport between workstations.

Remedial Action Required

Due to the severity of the injury and the likelihood of recurrence, all chairs on wheels must be removed immediately. An interim measure of soft moulded plastic chairs on short legs will be permitted.

Recommendations

A cost-benefit analysis demonstrates significant pecuniary advantage to be derived from the installation of standing workstations. These are proven to increase productivity by fifteen to twenty-five percent, (Luxon and Gomez: Measuring Verticality in the Workplace 2002). A reduction in incidents resulting from the removal of unnecessary clutter such as chairs in the workplace environment can also be anticipated. The adjunct health benefits for employees should not be underestimated. Standing promotes anatomically perpendicular posture. Employees should also be encouraged to walk on the spot at their workstations, thus contributing to their ten thousand steps a day.

Advice

Ad Hoc inspections of the department to facilitate early detection of alternative event hosting sequent to “Jousting Monday.”

June 10

Sprained ankle: SAC 4

Subject B reported a sprained ankle sustained from entrapment of a stiletto heel in a half inch floor gap. This occurred while exiting the elevator on the fifteenth floor. An exacerbation of the injury occurred when the subject suffered a panic attack, believing themselves to be in imminent danger of a traumatic foot amputation from the impending closure of the elevator doors.

The subject experienced pain and swelling and was absent from duty for three working days. Following a return to work, the subject suffered flashbacks and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS). The subject is attending counselling with the employee assistance program (EAP) and has subsequently been recognized as suffering from cleithrodystichibarophobia. The fear of being trapped and accidentally crushed is likely to place a significant long term financial burden on the corporation.

No remedial action is required due to the low likelihood of recurrence.

Recommendations

Development of an appropriate “Workplace Apparel” policy. This should pay particular attention to employee footwear. Flat, supportive, lace-up shoes are recommended for daily use. For significant events or presentations, such as keynote addresses to influential clients, a Cuban heel may be acceptable, if authorized by senior management.

Advice

Consider the decommissioning of the elevator. Cost-benefit analysis demonstrates considerable savings would be possible in eliminating maintenance and repair costs. The adjunct health benefits for employees should not be underestimated. The regular use of stairs would promote healthy activity, weight loss, endorphin release and contribute to the individual’s ten thousand steps a day.

June 19

Scald: SAC 1

Subject C reported a scald to the hand from a spillage of hot coffee. This occurred as a result of being accidentally nudged in the smoko. The subject, who is an Australian citizen, was able to verify that this term referred to the staff room and not a body part. A first aider attended the scene and assessed the scald as grade one superficial. Cooling therapy and burn ointment were applied and secured with a light bandage. The subject reported that following treatment the hand felt bonzer and was able to continue work.

No remedial action is required due to the low likelihood of severe injury.

Recommendations

Due to the limited dimensions of the staff room, it is recommended that employees only enter if they are to be the sole occupant. A roster enabling meal breaks to be taken individually would reduce the risk of hazardous contact. Other mitigating measures may include replacing hot beverages with cold, healthful alternatives such as fermented tea.

Advice

Consider possibility of producing a workplace handbook that would include a glossary of terms to assist the communication and integration of employees originating from overseas.

June 26

Abrasion to eye: SAC 2

Subject D reported sustaining an abrasion to the eye resulting from an unforeseen ponytail swish. The incident occurred while waiting in line to access the photocopier. The pony-tailed perpetrator was allegedly involved in a flirtatious interaction with a third party, leading to unpredictable swishing. The first aider attending the incident applied a saline eye bath and dressed the injury with an eye patch, advising continued close observation. Subject D felt unable to operate a keyboard with one eye and was sent home. The subject was absent from duty for 1.5 working days.

No remedial action is required due to the low likelihood of recurrence.

Recommendations

Feasibility study into the implementation of an allocation system for accessing the photocopier. This would preclude the risks associated with waiting in line and discourage inappropriate workplace relationships.

Advice

Employees should be mindful of sporting dangerous appendages. While the risk of recurrence is considered low, in the case of repetition of such incidents, it may be expedient to consider the issue of mandatory snoods ensuring the safe containment of long hairstyles.

This concludes the interim report of the monthly health and safety overview for June 2025.

The final detailed report will be available following the collation of data with the June monthly audits from 1995 to 2024. Extrapolated data from the longitudinal survey of cyclical variations in workplace incidents will inform future seasonal risk reduction strategies.

P. E. DANT

RISK ASSESSMENT MANAGER

HEALTH AND SAFETY DIRECTORATE