Not So Bad After All

The sunlight’s rays glided through the window, radiating a comforting warmth on the windowsill. Reuben lifted one of his furry black and white rear legs. He pulled his head down and licked his balls. Well, where his balls had been, once upon a time.

‘I can’t believe humans! How would they like waking up suddenly minus their bits! The injustice of it. Not that I felt it all that much, at all really, but that’s hardly the point! Cat Rescue Centre, pffftt. Didn’t manage to rescue all of me, did they! No, they certainly did not! Glad to get the hell out of there. Who knows what else I might have lost if I was still there!’

The steady licking, tiny tongue barbs extending up and down the inside of the back legs, combed the long fur flat. Later, there’d be a juicy big fur ball to spit up onto a lovely doona or pretty mat, at some totally appropriate time like just as the family were heading out the door or off to bed.

‘And who the hell names a cat like me “Reuben”! I am at the very least a Caesar or a Napoleon.’ Reuben contemplated this injustice while surveying the surrounding room. There was a tall plant, well a tree, in the corner of the room. It looked like it would make for some fantastic climbing. It had shiny swinging things all over it just asking to be swatted and clawed. There were weird lights around the room too. They were flashing, which maintained the constant urge to pounce on every one of them. That urge hadn’t come to fruition yet, due to a perceptive tall human. He’d somehow preempted that move by Reuben a couple of days ago. The lights had been relocated to a higher position, supposedly unreachable.

‘We’ll see about that.’ Reuben smirked to himself. He would wait until the dust had settled for a bit though. The tall human had defended Reuben, stating that he was still settling into his new home and had to learn the ground rules. He’d made a similar comment when Reuben had had a heap of fun flicking his kitty litter for as far as he could in the laundry, and again when he peed on the lounge room floor. The other tall human with the soft voice had slipped and fallen in that one. That caused a ruckus. Reuben couldn’t work out what the fuss was about. He thought it was quite entertaining!

‘That’s right, humans! I’ll learn some ground rules, then completely ignore as many of those as I can.’ Reuben had “meowed” to them at the time. ‘These idiots have no idea what I’m saying.’ He scoffed to himself.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, but there was a lot of excitement in the air. Reuben had to hide from the two smaller humans on more than one occasion. They were so loud and boisterous. He’d grown rather fond of them since his arrival. Usually, he liked to curl up on their beds with them, but not today. Apart from the odd gentle leg rub as he passed them, he lay low under the big human’s bed. They hadn’t quite worked out that hiding spot of his yet. Eventually, he fell asleep. It was the two tall humans bustling around getting themselves to bed that woke him up. He darted out their door before it blocked his escape for the night.

In the quiet of the hallway, feeling quite content, he reached his two front paws outward. He pushed his butt up towards the ceiling, stretched, and then made his way down the hall to the lounge room. His rear end swayed from side to side as he strutted along. Upon entering the doorway to the lounge, he stopped dead. He could not believe his eyes!

‘Oh, my goodness! Look at what these humans have done for me!’

There were more lights than before! Flickering and flashing, they said, “Come get me!”. Four large sock-looking things were hanging from the mantlepiece, ideal for a cat to dive into. The tall tree in the corner was sparkling with extra lights wrapped around it. It now had even more shiny balls of all sizes swaying off its branches to a gentle breeze sneaking through an open window. Best of all, under the tree, was a large, fantastic pile of all sorts of scratching boxes! Oh, the smell of “Come rip me apart” was divine! If Reuben hadn’t been a cat, there might have been a touch of thankfulness to overtake the ever-present feeling of entitlement. He might also have realised this scene was not for him.

Reuben’s excitement washed over him. He hunkered down on the mat, front paws stretched out either side, claws flexing. His tail was stiff yet twitching from side to side; flick, flick, flick – like a time bomb. One more flick then – ZOOOOOOM.

In seconds, Reuben had scaled the pile of boxes and was halfway up the tree. Light-footed, he leapt across to the mantlepiece. From this elevated position, he could lean towards the tree and tame those jeering baubles and lights. Swiping and swatting, clawing and biting, then - tap, tap, taptaptap. Some of the baubles had slid off the tree. They were bouncing their way around the lounge room floor. Strands of fairy lights caught on paws were yanked off their branches. They drooped down the tree like strands of spaghetti. So many fun things to play with! He leapt down after a particularly intriguing bauble and landed among the scratching boxes. This was heaven on a stick. There was clawing and tearing, ripping and rolling. Layer after layer of wrapping paper succumbed to sharp fun-loving claws, paper sheets reduced to tatters floating around on the floor. Even shreds of cardboard, previously hidden under wrappings of pretty candy canes and beaming red-cheeked Santas were strewn around the floor.

Reuben cocked his head sideways to view the socks hanging above him. Dropping his chest down, he once again sprung and leapt up the tree. Just as he levelled with the mantlepiece and sprung across to its ledge, the tree rolled forward. Slowly, slowly, then CRASH! The odd-looking shiny thing on the top of it had smashed as the tree tumbled onto the floor. That was just a brief distraction, warranting a parting apathetic glance. Reuben turned his attention to the hanging socks beneath him.

‘These look so cosy!’ No luck with the first or second one, too many things in them. The next one, though - yay! At that moment, footsteps came hurrying down the hallway and bright lights illuminated the room. Just in time, Reuben tipped himself headfirst into a sock, then squeezed around and popped his head out the top. He was feeling so satisfied with himself when he caught the faces of the two tall humans as they walked into the room. ‘Mmmmm, strange look on their faces. Wonder what that’s about!’ He thought to himself. Just then, the strain of his weight worked the hook supporting his cosy sock loose, and THUMP, he fell to the floor.

‘Well, that was so much fun. I need a nap.’ Reuben pondered as he crawled out of the sock and took a moment to stretch and yawn. He briefly smiled at the two humans, their faces now quite red, and swaggered past them and down the hall to the two small humans’ bedroom. He quietly stepped across the floor, jumped up effortlessly, and snuggled onto one of the beds.

‘Oh, a great day, a great day indeed. These humans aren’t so bad after all!’

And with that parting thought, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.