Senseless

The lights were warm. They didn't flicker. The light above the entrance did dim, however; it dimmed every time the ground shook. I gazed tiredly past it, through the glass door, and into the wet darkness. My hands numbly grabbed another mug, dunked it in the lukewarm soapy water, and scrubbed at the old coffee stains. I rinsed, dried it, set it aside, then reached for another. The lights flickered. That dull, warm glow went dark for a moment, then came back brighter. White light flashed through the room accompanied by a deep rumble, then abrupt darkness ensued. I heard my manager shout something from the back, but it was drowned out by the thunder. I called back with a question, craning my head over my shoulder and squinting into the kitchen, but there was no response. After a few minutes, he appeared in the doorway with a flashlight.

"Backup generator's down. Go ahead and drain the sink. I'll give you a ride home, ok?"

"I already texted my roommate." I responded, "Thanks anyway."

He nodded, tossed me a flashlight, then went back into the kitchen. I don't remember draining the sink or drying my hands and taking my apron off. I do remember sitting at the table farthest from the entrance; my mom always told me to stay away from any glass during storms. My manager left me the keys and told me to lock the shop up when I left. The bell rang and a solemn rain ambiance filled the cafe as he opened the door, then the little golden bell rang again as he closed it. I was left alone in a darkness that smelled like old coffee and yeast; the muffled patter of rain sounded through the cafe.

I waited until the headlights of his car passed, then pulled the umbrella out of my bag. I've worked at the cafe for three years and my manager never asked to meet my roommate- the roommate that “picked me up” after my night shifts. He also never asked the employees to turn in their phones- my phone specifically that stopped working a week prior.

I tightened the straps on my backpack and opened my umbrella. The bell rang as the door opened; a stream of cold air hit me, and I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I pulled the door shut with a ring and a click, turned the keys against the cold handle, then shoved them into my pocket with my free hand.

The walk would be fifteen minutes at most: just down Main Street, left on Oak, then right on the dead-end street. I loved walking at night, even if it was storming, and I didn't have much to be afraid of considering our town's minuscule size. The air was thick and hazy, my hands were ice. The streetlights were giant fireflies in the mist, occasionally blinking out when a gust of wind would whip by. The stars were invisible. As I walked, the buildings seemed to fade in and out like giants passing on either side of me, blocking out the few lights fueled by backup generators. I didn't offer any familiar building so much as a glance, considering the path was second nature to me. 

Just like the giants passing on the side of the road, one faded into my vision directly in front of me. I knew my brain was just tired, the haze and cold playing tricks on my mind. But I continued my walk down Main Street, and the shadow danced with the mist, morphing into a solid shape towering over me. I slowed my pace, and my brows furrowed subconsciously. It looked like a giant cube directly in front of me, a giant blockade in the middle of the town, in the middle of the mist, an unfamiliar structure in the middle of the path I'd taken hundreds of times before. I stopped when I got about two feet away, my gaze followed the formation into the sky. It was a wall, and it extended up as far as the eye could see, which wasn't much through the haze and darkness. Somehow this strange structure stretched and contorted into the sky, as far as I could tell. I slowly and cautiously placed an icy hand on the surface of the wall. It felt like bark- like the entire wall was a gargantuan tree. I convinced myself I had somehow gotten lost in the haze, and abruptly decided to walk around the structure my mind couldn't comprehend.

I dragged my hand against the wooden surface as I walked right, my other hand holding the umbrella. I followed the structure to the sidewalk and into an alleyway, then I walked around a small shop which had seemingly been cut in two by the unnatural structure. But when I rounded the building, I found that the wall had turned so that I could walk forward where it had just been. I took a few steps and the wind seemed to change direction- it gusted up from beneath me and when I looked down, I stumbled backwards so suddenly I tripped over myself and landed unceremoniously on my backside. 

There was a chasm. Like the wall, it seemed to stretch infinitely into the darkness- but it fell below the earth's crust rather than up into the sky. I could feel my heart pounding in my throat. For a moment I found myself praying, wondering if maybe I’d wound up in a sort of limbo. Shakily, I rose to my feet and picked up my umbrella, shaking droplets off of it before raising it above my head again, then tried dusting the water off my slacks. I approached the chasm, the freezing gust shooting upwards in a visible stream of air, then followed the chasm with my gaze. It stretched to the right of me as far as I could see, and in front of me it followed the wall. Where there had once been buildings and houses, there was a black void that swallowed the ground. I grew dizzy and my stomach dropped as I forced myself to walk backwards away from the void. I was in a dream, maybe a trance, or I had been drugged and was hallucinating. I thought briefly I should have accepted my manager’s offer for a ride home- then decided I should find somebody. 

I found myself knocking on strangers’ doors, one after the other- any house that hadn’t been swallowed by the void or sliced in two by the wall, I knocked on. The doors were all locked, the strangers were all silent- nobody came, or nobody heard me over the storm. I must’ve wandered for hours, silently tracing the wall back to the left, and pacing along the edge of the chasm, then trying my luck at knocking on doors again. The storm never ceased, the fog never lifted, I never saw anybody in the night- and eventually any remaining streetlights went out. I didn't panic because eventually morning would come, I was sure of it, but there was a small part of me that still believed I was in Limbo. I had given up on holding my umbrella- my clothes were soaked, and my hair was slicked against my forehead. 

Eventually, I found myself walking in the opposite direction of my apartment. I walked for half an hour- I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, I was just trying to get away from the fractal of a structure that obstructed the path to my home.

As I did, the fog slowly seemed to swirl around me and rise from the ground. There was no more thunder or lightning, and the sound of rain was steadily replaced by crickets. The streetlamps reappeared, warm light blinking back to life. My heartbeat slowed with the weather; a sense of normality replaced the eerie nonsense I had just experienced. The ground beneath me felt sturdier, then it was replaced with familiar concrete steps, and I climbed them. I knew where I was going, and I didn’t think about how I got there- I didn’t really want to. I climbed another set of stairs and took a left. I pulled a familiar set of keys out of my bag, and they clicked into place, the wooden door creaking as it opened. It closed behind me, and I subconsciously locked the door, then dropped my soaked bag. When I turned the light on, I knew exactly where I was and how I got there but I didn’t want to dwell on it. My oven clock told me I was exactly where I needed to be at the exact time I’d always gotten there. I stood in the kitchen for a moment staring at the clock, then cautiously walked to the sliding glass doors that lead to my balcony. I left a wet trail behind me as I mindlessly kicked off my soaked shoes and pulled off my soggy socks. 

When the glass door slid open and I stepped back out into the night, the air was dry and warm. Nothing obstructed my view of the stars. There were no lights fueled by backup generators, just the warm glow of a healthy town. There was no storm or wall or chasm. There was no chaos in the night. I reached up to brush my wet hair out of my eyes but found that it was dry, and when I glanced over my shoulder through the glass door, there was no water on my floor. My shoes were dry and neatly placed by the door. My bag was sitting on the counter where I normally put it- there was no puddle beneath it. I closed my lips, which had fallen into a slack-jaw expression, and went back inside to get ready for bed.