Absurd Anxiety

I can feel the evil creeping, seeping through the walls.

Of wolves in sheep's clothing. Plotting, orchestrating my downfall.

To my face, they smile. They deny everything they've said and done.

Gaslighting me in the name of sick perverted fun.

Have you ever felt that gut-clenching, stomach squeezing kind of anxiety? It arises from an inexplicable source. Or, does it. Is it that your subconscious is registering every warning sign, while your conscious mind remains unaware? Is it that you are so used to being in a dangerous situation that the little alarms meant to keep you alive and alert have become muted?

That tension in your belly is your intuition. It is Quasimodo from the year 1482 ringing the bells of Notre Dame as a message from God to you.

You're a vulnerable, disabled, middle-aged woman. You want to travel. You want to see the world before your disability grounds you for good. You read so many motivational pins and quotes, you want to spread your wings. You want to do something different with your life. You've healed so much from your own traumatic wounds. With a sincere heart, you want to help others.

You do some research on the net and find a volunteer program in a developing nation. It looks good. There are articles, pictures, a website. The program seems reputable. A partnership program in the US of A runs it. It is a household name. Must be legit.

Ah. Follow your heart 'they' say. A good cause is a perfect little Devilish honeypot trap for the unwary with nothing but a desire to do good for others.

You apply. You get accepted. You're excited. You pull out some of your meager superannuation. It pays for the program. Your savings pay for the flights. It's for a good cause. God will bless your trip.

You lock your bedroom door. You secure the house. Tightness clenches your belly. You wonder in brief if you will ever see it again.

Of course, you will. What could go wrong?

You drive off. You embark on your trip.

You arrive. The host family picks you up.

The child has thick, green mucus chunking down his right nostril. It's Covid-19. You ask them. They say no, it isn't. Even if it is, it shouldn't matter. You are double vaxxed less than 6 months from the first jab.

The shenanigans start. You knew they would. You're a targeted individual. Still, you wanted to prove you could deal with their mind games and still help others. A good soul should trump evil every time.

The attack that sets the scene arrives. It is breakfast. There is a religious program on the television. A nun, long dead, striking the Illuminati mind control poses is speaking on TV. With the ability to see auras, you can see a demon layered beneath her physical exterior.

The villain says, “You will sacrifice your life.”

You reply, “I've already sacrificed much to be here.”

The villain shakes his head, “You will sacrifice your life.” Grabbing his neck, he nods his head.

The enabler, his wife, is feeding the screaming child. I know she sees. What kind of woman is this?

Ice replaces the warm flow of blood through my veins. The villain isn't talking about the same kind of sacrifice as you are. The villain is talking about an unacceptable sacrifice. Jesus already paid the price for your soul. You don't need to pay. This man is a sicko.

You look around the house. Plenty of religious icons. Little photos of scripture laying around the house. They go to church on Sundays. Wolves in sheep's clothing. A true Christian would never say such a thing. This man is dangerous. A sociopath.

You've dated plenty of sociopaths. It's not the first time the blood has run cold through your veins. It always strikes you like this. That is when you know it is serious. It's a mix between your intuition and God tapping on your shoulder saying watch out for the Devil's slave.

The villain is serious.

You hold your ground, “No. I won't” Even though you are not a Christian you still wouldn't betray the sacrifice that Jesus already made for your soul. Jesus redeemed you from the Devil. The Devil is a liar. To hurt yourself in any way, shape or form is to betray your Lord and Savior. What servant would betray their guardian? How does that demonstrate gratitude?

“Yes, you will,” The villain will not relent. You know better than to keep arguing. This psycho isn't stable. He may be a part of a community, have a family, run an NGO, but he is dangerous. He is a threat. You need to step with wariness. Easier said than done.

It starts in earnest. They leave little nooses all over the place. The word for the door in Swahili is mlango. Every time you walk through a door or they walk through a door, they give you the evil eye. Or they grab at their neck. It happens with consistency.

You're not crazy. You're being observant. You're trying to keep cool and wonder how to get out of there alive. You know it's not you.

Healthy people don't need to play these sorts of mind games.

It gets worse. They bring in the family and friends on it.

They thrust their cross upon your shoulders. Their behavior is not your behavior to carry. What is wrong with these people? You do your head in trying to understand. With understanding, there is a solution. Isn't there?

There is no solution. The root cause of their problem stems from the spiritual. It's not the only thing going on.

They are attacking and devaluing you every chance they get. They call you a whore, slut, slave, prisoner. You have given them no cause to name you such.

There is deliberate malnutrition. A fight that of recent you fought on home territory, saving for the trip. All they feed you is a staple food. No nutrients.

Sleep deprivation is a high priority. Slamming doors in the middle of the night. Bashing on your door when you've fallen asleep. How do they know? Are they spying through technology?

Your emotions are running high. It makes you seem unstable. You aren't. You're fighting for the survival of your life. You are fighting for the right to your soul. It doesn't belong to the Devil. Your soul belongs to God.

It's the name of the sociopath game. Gaslight, devalue. Why? To control your mind. To control what you do.

Self-confident people don't need to control others. They control themselves.

The situation escalates. Your way home; closed off. UAE installs a travel ban.

No worries. You have some cash. You go through another flight provider and get a flight home in less than 2 weeks.

The stress leaves you sick for 2 days. You have a fever, sore throat, runny nose, aches, and pains.

That isn't stress. It's Covid-19. You take the test. It's positive.

Now what. You're trapped. How are you going to heal with evil people sending you evil vibes? It worked. Your immune system; compromised. The Devil's slaves sent ill wishes as thought forms into your energy field. It's spiritual warfare. It doesn't get any more real.

You make a mistake. You confront the enabler. You ask them again if the baby had Covid-19. The enabler reacts. The villain accuses you of false accusations. He threatens to call security. In the back of your mind, you wonder how they can be so sure that the baby didn't have Covid-19. They have no proof to back up their allegations. Convenient.

You send a long email to the consulate. You don't know what to do. The situation is extreme.

You look at your travel insurance. Pandemic isn't covered. It says so in the brochure. You phone them anyway.

Guess what? It's covered. They get you a hotel.

The enabler is the only one home when it is time to leave. You smooth things over by buying overpriced jewelry. You say it is in everyone's best interests if you leave. You've escaped from sociopaths before like this.

You get to the hotel. The manager isn't happy. However, someone smoothed things over. You don't hear from him again.

The isolation is hard. You want to step outside, but you can't. There are rules. At least you have hot/cold running water. A shower that drains. A toilet that flushes.

You're safe, for now. You are grateful to be alive. The flight/fight response won't settle down. Your intuition is still blocked because the adrenalin is still pumping through your system as it has been for the last month.

Tomorrow, you hope to get the flights back to Australia settled. Touch and go. You have to sleep early to wake early to get straight onto your travel agent to remake the booking. It is so urgent.

Nothing more to do today. The story hasn't ended.

It can't because it's happening to me. I don't know the outcome yet. All I know is I am still alive. With the grace of God, he will get me back home to the state where I belong. I intend to stay there.

No more following my heart. I will do as the Bible says and guard it.

Never The End