Memories in Pieces

Life has never been good for you.

September 1, 1997. A new baby came into a harsh and cold world. A day that was supposed to start and end in exhilarating joy only ended in mournful sorrow. On your day of birth, your mom died. Right now, you are oblivious to the world. Sounds of pain and agony were mixed with pure unadulterated joy. While chaos was in an uproar, you stood fussy in the nurse’s arms, the nurse confused as to what was happening. It seems as though you knew what was going on because, in seconds, your cries were heard, blending in with daddy’s cries, begging for the love of his life to regain consciousness. But mother continued to lie there, oblivious to the cries around the hospital. Suddenly realizing he had a newborn daughter, your dad picked you in his shaking arms and broke down. Instead of three people attending the new home, two were only returning home. 

 Your home life is shattered, but that day, you shut the world and became lonely. 

September 15, 2012. Your dad was in a depressed state. Nothing at the house made anyone feel better since the house was filled with memories of the dead. After 15 years, the unknown woman, also known as your mom, still haunts you and your dad with smiling pictures and beautiful portraits. No doubt that she was your mom since the similarities were uncanny. However, you never heard stories, since daddy dearest never shared any. Even after 15 years, your dad refuses to remove the pictures that cause deep turmoil and anger him. Sometimes you look at the pictures on the way to school and smile. Today was not that day, however. Occasionally, your dad would get drunk and scream at the pictures, sometimes at you, sometimes, even both. The screams would be filled with blames towards me. The reason the picture woman died was because of yours truly. You never let it get to you, but there are certain times when it hurts your hurt to hear your dad repeat those words. It hurts to hear that your mother’s death was in your hands. Even though every day was chaos in the home, that week, he was different. He shaved his long growing beard, took a shower, and even tidied up the place. You wanted to believe that your dad was a reformed man and in some ways, you did. On this particular day, he offered to drive to your school. You weren’t even sure he knew you attended school, let alone knew the location. Of course, you welcomed the newfound personality change, but you were still wary. On the way to school, your dad was humming an old tune. His voice had an angelic tone to it, and you were surprised that you never personally heard it till this day. Your head falls on the window glass, smiling as you watch the trees disappear when reaching a familiar location. Reaching school, you allowed yourself to become vulnerable and you almost said “Bye dad. See you at home.” Thankfully, your dad stopped you before you said those dreadful words. Turns out you had every right to be wary. Without getting into much detail, he informed you that this was the last encounter. Upon hearing the news, you shut down completely. The walls you never had, and never thought you would need completely shot up, and it only took a second. The tears that should have escaped your eyes never came. On the inside, you were thrashing around, screaming at yourself, and letting your dad’s words tr your head. On the outside, however, your emotions didn’t reveal itself. The walls allowed nothing to break you, not even the fact that your “dad” was dropping you off to the next family. You left the car and continued your day in school. Miraculously, you lost your friends on the same day. By the end of the day, you came to a conclusion: Walls are the best invention ever made. 

The string of horrific occurrences died down, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone.

December 10, 2018  

You never could catch a break. Your first job after college has led you nothing but great experiences and unfavorable situations. You thought your bad luck was over. After he left, your life was certainly filled with brighter days. I haven’t thought about him since he left. Surely there were few hiccups, but with the high walls surrounding you that gradually grew, nothing could bring you down. But if life taught you anything, it is to never let your guard down for anything.

 Currently, your job consists of making coffee for the higher-ups and managing case files, but you know that the ball is in your court when it comes to getting a job at the law firm. The authorities usually use the interns as their personal chauffeurs, errands person, or even buying food with the company's card. Unfortunately, you had the disadvantage of receiving a vicious boss who wanted to make your life difficult. But it will all pay off one day. Today was no different. Actually, today was different. Today was the day when the authorities would announce which interns were favorable. You had to be more attentive than usual. Every time the boss would call for you, you would be ready to hand in whatever was asked, whether it would be something important as the containment of a case or something trivial as coffee. Your head was full of the possible possibilities that could happen when you become a future employee at one of the biggest firms in America. Right now, your boss asked you to get him lunch, specifically a chicken alfredo with cream cheese garlic sauce and bottled water. He wanted you to get his lunch at Annie’s, his favorite restaurants, which is about 40 minutes from the company. Before leaving he added, “And not a minute late.” Usually, you would be annoyed by your boss using you like this, but today, you didn’t mind. You quickly grabbed your coat and rushed to get a nearby taxi. On the way to the restaurant, you ordered the meal to go and made sure to get something for yourself. Telling the taxi driver to speed up, you reached the restaurant, grabbed the meal, and headed back to the taxi to drive you to the company. As you reached the company, you looked at the unfamiliar faces. You saw parents smiling at the young children, and it made your heart hurt. Trying to avoid upcoming tears, you looked away from the window and focused on not spilling the lunch. Arriving at the company, you paid the driver and thanked him, exiting the vehicle. The pedestrian signal read red, so you stopped. Looking straight, you spotted a familiar face and your face went hard. It’s funny. The walls that kept you up these years, the one thing that never failed you, began to crack. Funnily enough, someone that you thought was a minor person in your life cracked the walls. You thought he was dead, but there he is, right in front of you on the front of the street, smiling at you. He had the audacity to smile at you after everything he put you through. The signal turned white, however, your legs were frozen. He was right in front of the company. How did he figure out where you worked? What is he planning on talking about? Your legs finally moved after many requests from the brain and walked towards him. When you reached where he was standing, you walked past him, barely acknowledging him and entering the company. Even though it was severe, you did not want him to ruin the rest of your afternoon. You knew if you stopped to even say pass pleasantries, your day would become a disaster. Placing the meal on your boss’s desk, you tried to leave before he tried to complain about the quality of the food. Instead, he said, “Did you meet your dad? He came in here asking for you.”

You slowly turned to him with questioning eyes. You replied that you did not and left the office before he asked more questions. 

For the rest of the day, your job performance became questionable. Not seeing him in five years surely distracted you. Your boss’s irritating voice couldn’t even bring you back to work. Questions began to form in your head. You wondered if he’s still outside, waiting for me. You wanderers where he lived after all those years. You wondered if he even thought about you at all, even missed you. It’s amazing that after five years, he still had an effect on you. You told yourself that he abandoned you when you were a child, not five years. After coming to that realization, you continued with your work, not bothering to think about him at all. It came the time for the bosses to announce who stays and who leaves. Your mind immediately tuned in to what they were stating, not wanting your inner thoughts to ruin everything you worked for. Listening for my name was torture, and in the end, my name was called. Unfortunately, they were letting me. When you heard this, you immediately packed your stuff and left, no wanting to stay for the congratulating party. Before leaving, you gave your boss the stinkest eye you could muster. You obviously wanted to add more, but you decided to leave with dignity and respect. Already planning to spend the rest of the night with a tub of ice cream and Netflix, you angrily walked down the stairs. You were so bothered that you didn’t hear your name called. The person calling your name touched your shoulder. You whipped your head so quickly that you almost hurt your neck. What your eyes laid on made you scream out all our frustrations. It turns out that he did wait for you. What you said next even made you surprised. You cursed him out in public. You told him that he is the reason for all the failures in your life. That nothing has been functioning smoothly before and after he left your life. While you were letting out your frustrations, he looked at you in pain and distress, which made you stopped. Even though you don’t consider him your dad, it still hurts to see him in pain. Without much thought, he hugged you, and all the remaining walls broke. You shook in his arms, crying and hugging him as well. After exposing our public situations to the world, he offered to take me to his house and explain everything. You said no, telling him that it would take time for you to be able to see him again. Seeing him again was bringing memories that you did not want to welcome. Memories that I wanted to bury. But unfortunately, everything has to come out in the open.