Dear Journal

January 1, 2024, I hereby resolve:

·      To go to the gym four times a week. (Resolutions look so cool when written by fountain pen!)

·      To stop procrastinating and wasting time scrolling online.

·      To keep my diary every day. It’s therapeutic, or so they say.

·     To clean out closets and get rid of stuff I don’t need.

·      To not shop for new clothes unless essential since the world is being smothered by discarded clothes.

·      January 2, 2024

The fountain pen leaked all over me before I realized what was happening. So much for elegant calligraphy. Back to a ball point pen emblazoned with Tommy’s Tune-ups logo. Never mind. Where was I? So proud of myself. I have joined the gym and I have the class schedule in front of me. Quite a selection to choose from. Operation Boot Camp sounds ominous. Not sure what Power Vinjasa is. Probably one of those Eastern things with a lot of contortions. Don’t think I’ll try that. I might do myself a mischief. I’m afraid to ask what BODYPUMP is. I’d prefer some activity that does not involve Spandex. In my experience, Spandex sucks in every excess ounce of weight until you breathe when it all bulges out somewhere else. I’m not coordinated enough for Zumba. Wait…water aerobics. That’s more like it. No one can see if you’re keeping up with the class when you’re underwater from the neck down. Let’s see, try on swimsuit. Oops. I don’t remember it being so small. I hate it when clothes shrink in the closet. Christmas was too good to me, I suppose.

January 3, 2024

Shopping for a new swimsuit was essential. Not my fault if stores don’t think anyone needs a new swimsuit before April or after August. The new dress was to replace the one ruined by the ink from the fountain pen and it was on the clearance rack, so I don’t think I broke the shopping resolution. I had to go online to find a swimsuit, so there was some scrolling involved. I got sidetracked just a little bit by my favorite true crime podcast, but only for fifteen minutes though, so that doesn’t count. Swimsuit ordered with same day shipping, so should arrive in time for first class. I hope I ordered the right size. The model and I don’t exactly look alike. It’s called a slimsuit, not a swimsuit. Some advertising person thinks he or she is very funny. I suppose it wouldn’t sell if they called it a hold-in-fat suit.

January 4, 2024

So far so good diary-wise, or should I say, journaling-wise. Feeling very smug because I haven’t missed a day yet, even if it has only been four days. My halo is about to choke me, as my mother used to say. I read an article which said that journaling can improve self-confidence, memory and help to set goals. Apparently Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Frida Kahlo, Leonardo da Vinci, and Frederick Douglass all kept journals. Very daunting company to be in. Maybe it was a mistake to read that. Now I feel silly writing about buying swimsuits, but we can’t all come up with cures for cancer or invent theories of relationships or whatever especially people like me who couldn’t pass basic algebra to save my life and if this is all running together it’s because one of the ways to journal is to do stream of consciousness and write whatever thoughts come into my head, which Lord knows I do get plenty of those. It said that the words don’t need to make sense and I’ve never had any trouble not making sense. I just read that back and it certainly does look stupid. I can feel Miss. Cartwright, my old English teacher, fixing her eagle eye on me as she did back in the day. I’ll go back to normal writing, such as it is. As for a goal, I’ll sort my clothes closet out.

January 5, 2024

One closet cleaned out. To be honest, one half of one closet, but it’s a start. Like the swimsuit, several items seem to have shrunk. Anyone passing by would have thought I was losing my marbles because I had to talk very sternly to myself. No, I do not need the dress I wore one time to my brother’s wedding fourteen years ago. Yes, shoulder pads might come back into style, but I do not need to go retro. What looked cute on me a decade ago doesn’t necessarily have the same effect today. I was successful in filling a box of clothes for the thrift shop which I delivered before I had time to talk myself out of it. That was quite an accomplishment as far as I am concerned, so eat your heart out, Einstein.

January 6, 2024

First water aerobics class today. Luckily the swimsuit did fit nicely, and it wasn’t too hard to breathe despite all the tummy panels. I’m far from being the largest in the class so that made me feel good about myself. My friend Joe happened to be there and noticed me in the pool. He gets there at some unearthly hour to swim laps. I could see he was trying not to laugh. Afterwards he suggested we could throw some detergent in the pool and do our laundry while we were thrashing up the water. I was a little winded at the time or I would have snapped back with some clever retort, but I glared at him instead. He’s fit as a greyhound himself, but there’s no need to laugh at the rest of us. He took me out for coffee, so I forgave him. He’s a nice guy. I’ve always had a little bit of a crush on him. His last girlfriend looked like a Vogue model, but perhaps looks aren’t everything because he said that’s all over. He asked if I would like to go out for dinner sometime. I’m going to think about it. I didn’t put anything about relationships on my resolutions list because I think it would be asking for trouble. However, he saw me out of breath and smelling of chlorine and still invited me out, so there are no expectations to meet. Dear journal, stand by for the next thrilling installment.