Hope is a Dead Companion

Hope is a Dead Companion

The heat of the Barbados sun poured generously upon the heat of sun pulled her body into a sharper arch while she expertly floated on the ocean’s surface. All the sensations of the sea- the smell of fishy seaweed, the screams of happy seagulls and salty blue waters soaking each pore, led her to a state of dizziness and created a surreal sense of levitation.

She was aware that in the distance was a lone fisherman on a small boat, who was organizing his fishing wares. He was oblivious to the beauty around him, but in a few minutes, she intended to change that. His skin was as black as the rocks that lined the beach and his silhouette created an abrupt contrast to the sky. Sunlight created a golden sheen on his back and his sharp muscles showcased years of experience. She followed him all day, with hopes this distraction would ease her loneliness. 

The feeling of desolation had finally pushed a decision about what to do about her companionless existence. She was a woman who was exalted by those who kept legends alive, but the pain of isolation slowly decayed her spirit over time. In the last few days, she became sick to the point of becoming physically weak. The only thing that brought comfort was to let the turquoise colored waters cradle her as she absorbed nature’s surroundings.

Rolling over with her face looking down, she spread out her arms and leveled her body with the surface. Her long hair fanned into a full circle. Her presence generated an illuminated light which looked like a blanket of bright colorful jewels floating on top of the sea. Red, purple, green, and yellow flicks of color danced with the movement of the current. The peculiar effect composed a mysterious reflection that would not register any logic to the human eye.

Breathing out small bubbles, she looked at the white sand bank below and saw a strong reflection of light peeking out of a mound. She could tell that it was man made, because of its flat surface. Like magical movements in a restful dream, she swam gracefully toward the bright object. While getting closer, she saw that it was a mirror surrounded by an ornate gold frame. She jerked back and hesitated to go any further. It had been twenty years since she last saw her own reflection. A lifetime of memories passed through as she remembered how her face made people react. But the object still beckoned, and her curiosity won over the fear.

Lifting it to her face brought on a gasp of shock, then proud admiration. She forgot about her captivating allure and how perfect every feature was on her face. Her hair was a shade of metallic gold which didn’t exist anymore. Her eyes were like jewels of topaz dipped in clear sugary syrup. Her flawless skin wrapped itself around a perfectly symmetrical bone structure. All this was centered around her shimmering pink lips that matched the pearl essence color of a shell’s insides. The overall effect created an astonishing mixture of seduction and art. 

No one else is like me, she thought. The sadness grew, and she lowered her head with morbid thoughts of breathing in the toxic elements above her. The realization of her

lone existence turned sadness into anger.

Viciously, she threw the mirror with such force, that it interrupted a school of fish swimming nearby. She pushed herself up through the water, hoping it would take away her tears. With each movement, her emotions became tangled with thoughts of further complications, and anger rushed throughout her veins. She finally reached the surface and let out a high-pitch scream to the sky. 

The fisherman looked toward her, but the combination of agitated waves and vivid sunlight hid her from view. Positioning her body to float on the surface, she still couldn’t get away from the pain. The feeling of intolerable loneliness surrounded every part of her, and she wailed to the clouds above. She longed for something she never had, but intuitively knew existed. When her tears capitulated into dryness, the ache of her heart filled her body with despair. The isolation from human touch was painful to endure, yet difficult to understand. She often held herself for comfort, but it only lasted a few cold moments, and it felt feeble. Her refuge in the ocean’s caress was no longer soothing and only reminded her of what was lacking.

The loneliness persisted like a bloodless wound that refused to heal. At least blood made a wound feel alive she thought. That morning, she concluded that the only remedy for this loneliness was to assuage a self-inflicted death. 

But first, she had something she wanted to do. She peeked at the man as he cast another net. Just like previous times, she fell instantly in love. It wouldn’t matter how old they were, how ugly, or what language they spoke— it was always love at first sight with these male creatures. Leaping into an expert dive, she swam toward the unsuspecting man.

Desperate to be held, this time she had no care for the consequences. Swimming past the boat, she positioned herself 20-feet away. His back was to her, and she used that moment to grab her hair and tie it into a knot. Years of experience taught her that it was her hair that startled them first. Next, she broke off her elaborate gold necklace and let it fall carelessly down to the ocean floor.

Maneuvering her body in a vertical position, she made sure that only her profile was revealed. Exhaling loudly, she cried out intentional inaudible words. She accented her deception with some frantic splashes, knowing it would draw him in. As expected, he dove off the boat without hesitation and swam quickly to help. Once he reached her, his eyes fell prison to all of her magnificence. But it was her eyes that made him gasp and become physically weak.

She was surprised that he had lasted this long but maintained a façade of weakness. Acting even more helpless, she purposely splashed water in his face so that he was temporarily blinded.

He finally steadied himself and reached for her as she yelled for help. She grabbed his shoulders and brought him into a tight embrace. He was too shocked to notice that her strength was suspending both of them easily in the water. She knew he was now fully captivated, which led him into a state of paralysis. She felt his emotions— it was an odd mixture of fear, longing, awe, and attraction. She was aware that he was breathing in the intoxicating fragrance of her flesh. He kicked his legs back for balance, but instead, the shock of touching her lower body made him pull away. But as she continued her gaze, he slowly moved in closer.

For the first time, he was face-to-face with her— mere inches away. As he searched for words, she moved inward and made him feel that she had been the curator of his soul since time began. Her beauty captivated every cell in his body. She commanded his awe, and everything grew silent except the sound of a soft wind that caressed the space between them. She looked into his eyes as hers sparkled like a kaleidoscope of rich hidden treasures. Her smile was seductive and beckoned him to come back to the

present moment. 

She moved forward and kissed him. Her pink lips instigated a spell that she knew would make him feel that his life had led up to this moment. She became satisfied that his marvel had created an openness to receive her without fear. Her kiss was desperate, but yet, fully in command. 

It was in that kiss that she felt every lover he had ever had. She was able to feel what he felt when he first kissed a woman. She felt his love for the sea, the love that he had for his family, and she felt everything that he ever loved in his life. She also experienced the feelings of all the other loves of his life. He had loved many, but she knew he had hurt most of them in return. She breathed in every one of his emotions that had to do with passion, and with each swipe of tongue she lost herself in his mortal being. Reaching deeper into his feelings, she could feel his heart beat quickly as his body asked for more.

The man’s shock of seeing such beauty brought on an odd juxtaposition of feeling both dizzy and paralyzed. Spellbound, he drifted into a faraway universe that was smothered in stars, colored moons, and lush green worlds that aligned perfectly before reaching heaven. His mind then refocused into an intimate knowing of her soul. He felt a generous heart and a symphony of love that matched nothing that was ever played on earth. Her love intoxicated him to the point where tears of joy ran down his cheeks. She was magical, and her flesh felt like velvet of the highest quality. He recognized that he was no longer in control in this strange journey of intertwined bliss. The perfect love he felt for this woman was too good to let go. Desire for her body had nothing do with it now — he was a prisoner who gladly surrendered himself to marinate inside her soul. The shape of her lips matched perfectly to his own, and the sweetness of her tongue snapped him back to reality again. It was at this point he became aware that her strength was keeping them both suspended, but he didn’t care. He brought his hands to her face and looked into her eyes. Despite their astounding bright color, they reflected sorrow. He kissed her, wanting to make it go away.

This time, however, his kiss made him feel her heartache. He experienced what she had yearned for all her life. Darkness came over him when he realized true love didn’t exist in her world. He experienced her inconsolable loneliness and persistent isolation. He felt as if there seemed to be no relief whatsoever.

His embrace tightened when he felt what it was like to give generously without expecting anything in return. Her virtuous life of giving had turned into bitterness. Her heart felt like grains of salt that were barely held together by a sparse recipe of hope. Guilt overcame him when he felt the tears of every woman that he had left behind. His heart took on the pain of his past lover’s heartaches. He was appalled by all the damage he had caused. The pain of his selfishness was too much to bear. Each woman he hurt filled his own heart with that same suffering. He pulled back from her and looked for some indication of resolve. 

And then it happened. The pace of his heart became erratic— it became engulfed with too many emotions. The shock of finally seeing her for who she really was, had now taken over his need for answers. Overwhelmed, the heart of the fisherman suddenly broke. The pain inflicted by others, the loneliness, the desperation for affection, and love that was never returned— it all became too much for him to process. He was no longer able to take the pain and slipped into death on that sunny day. 

The woman did not yet notice that he was gone. She was desperately trying to get some form of warm reciprocation. The pores of her skin clung to his, and just before he passed away, they meshed together the way passionate lovers do when love has bloomed to its peak. She breathed in all of his aromas and held onto the muscles of his back. His embrace for that brief second was the quench her soul had longed for. The love felt surreal, but she knew it would end soon.

Finally, she realized that his body was cold and void of a soul. Her breathing turned into sobs and she became filled with guilt as she realized she played a sole part in his death. Putting his body back on the boat, she pushed it toward the beach. 

She hoisted her torso up into the air and dove back in, heading toward the sharp rocks at the edge of the beach. Once there, she climbed onto the biggest rock and clumsily brought the rest of her body into a dry crevasse. Gathering herself in a fetal position, she let the sun bake her delicate skin. As time passed by with the wind, her mind settled into a catatonic state, her stare still fixated toward the boat.

The solitude of her life, the constant generosity with no reciprocation, and most of all, the unrequited affection gave way to a final tunnel of darkness. Her arms went limp, and her last breath gently blessed the ocean’s waves. Her hips jerked with a small quick movement as her fins pattered to a slow pulse. The heartache of being the world’s last mermaid had finally taken its toll. As her soul ran dry, the last sound that danced through her ears was the cry of nearby dolphins.

Her love of all living things had always led her to hope. It steered her through numerous adventures, fed her strength with conquered challenges, and brought a flicker of relief during times of longing. But over time, hope became a dead companion, simply because it ceased to exist- just like her lonely soul on that fatal day in Barbados.