Just because you said I would not make it

I hear him laughing at me when I told him I would make it. He had already had his lot. And he complained about it all the time. His work was not properly exposed, he said. Of course, it had not. He donated his worse work to the museum. He wanted them to buy it. If they don't buy even great works, why should they buy his?

Doesn't he see he is being vain? "

"It is always the same story. You believe you are the most. Nobody is as good as you. As for me, how dare I compare to you? I am a bissextile artist, you say. And you know this is neither true nor fair with me. When you have children you have less time."

"Are you playing this part? Seriously? The busy mother? How many mothers succeed in the arts! This is not acceptable. Please don't do this."

"Sorry, it is not an excuse, I know. But, sometimes, you go to work late at night, too tired to think correctly and not allowed to make noise. You do some drawings. Nothing looks very good. You remember some women artists and see how they suffered to get recognition. Take a pioneer, like Artemisia Gentileschi, for instance."

"The one who had a big influence from Caravaggio?"

"Yes, the one. Well, she had the chance to study with the great master, she had the chance to live in the chiaroscuro epoch and to exercise her talents at the court of Florence."

"Even so, she was not always recognized as the great artist she was. Some of her paintings were attributed to her father, Orazio Gentileschi, which she surpassed. "

"She not only surpassed her father but also the hypocritical male chauvinist society of her time, that did not condemn her rapist."

"Yes, he had just been condemned to exile from Rome, but he never went away from his home."

"In the meantime, she had to marry a man chosen by her father. But she never gave in. She went with him to Florence, helped maintain their family with their four children, instructed herself to keep pace with Florentine artists and intellectuals like Michelangelo and Galileo at the Medici court, and found true love, as seen from the letters exchanged between her and her lover. She was free, in spite of everything and everyone."

"Some say she has only got recognition in the twentieth century, but she was a success at her time and her paintings were said to be revenge from what she suffered. Perhaps she was already a feminist."

"They made films about her. I long to see Artemisia, extreme passion."

"The warrior painter had the courage to fight and succeed. The same did not happen to a more recent artist in France."

"Who are you talking about? Your idol, Camille Claudel?"

"Yes. I suffer every time I recall how coward all her friends and family have been to her."

"This time I have to agree with you. She has been put into a sanatorium by them just because she was an artist."

"She did not follow the rules for nineteenth-century women. She has been imprisoned by them for thirty years. Can you imagine such torture for a sculptor? Even so, she had quite a great number of works and I think she was as good as her famous lover, that I do not need to cite."

" Why are you mentioning all those women artists? Are you comparing yourself to them?"

"Of course not. I am not so talented as they were, nor live in such a horribly male chauvinist society. But you keep saying men are superior to women all the time, that you are a true artist and I am only an amateur. As a matter of fact, I am just the companion of your life."

"Are you not?"

"No. You knew me as an artist. Then you saw me as a woman and you forgot how we met. Afterwards, the art critics and art dealers saw me as your wife, even if you did not behave like that. And they saw me as a disturbance to their business, although I never interfered in any way of your career. I just helped you with my opinions and even guidance, which you demanded of. When did I begin to be a nuisance?"

"You are not a nuisance. Had never been. Only what they want is me, not you. I am the one they are looking for. This happens a lot with artists couples. Even with famous ones. There are lots of examples like Pollock and Krasner, for instance. She must have suffered from this."

"This could have been otherwise."

"It is always possible. But life is what it is, not what it should be."

"That's why I love this film 'Begin Again', with Keira Knightley, Mark Ruffalo and Adam Levine. Keira's character is my inspiration to begin again, begin all the time until I am accepted as an artist, not the way you are, but my way, making things as I can for myself."

"This is entirely up to you, don't you think?"

"Yes, I think so. I need to find help as she did and friends like hers."

"I am here for you."

"Unfortunately I cannot believe this. I see you are here only for yourself. But my work at the museum stands at an important spot and where is yours?"

" I agree I did not do my best with that donation. I wanted them to buy a bigger and better work and that did not happen. What can I do?"

"You can apologize for being such a male chauvinist and congratulate me for my sculpture there."

"Congratulations!"

"Not like that."

"How?"

"Telling me you understand what I do, that you like what I do, that you cherish this work, that you appreciate all the effort it implies, going far away from home and dealing with metal workers not used to work with women, that you support the long hours of study to reach these forms, that you try to see the constructivism as a way of expression and not a fruit of chance."

"You want a saint."

"No, I want a companion. Someone that stands by me, as I stand by you."

"This is not fair. You don't make money out of it as I do."

"I am trying hard to do it. You don't have to help me. Not even to believe me. Just be kind. Don't laugh at me. Don't say I add things to each other as the opportunity shows itself. Sometimes construction begins like that, but after the first steps, it is planned to every detail. More often times the works are the result of hard planning and many studies."

"I believe you. Now, let's get some sleep."

"Good night."

"Good night."