Eggless Supermarket

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs?”

“Sorry Mrs.Malki, the egg delivery did not arrive yet.”

“Oh no, I’m promised my grandbabies pancakes.”

“If you’re in a hurry try going to the Danube at the mainstreet, they get the first batch of eggs.”

“I never go there. I buy eggs here every Saturday. Since 1983!”

“Wow, I guess you are our most loyal customer.”

“Yeah, well, I would hate to break that record, but they’ll wake up soon.”

“We’ll forgive you this time. See you next Saturday.”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs? I looked everywhere. Couldn’t find them.”

“Sorry, sir, the eggs did not arrive yet, but I'm sure they'll be here once you get the rest of your groceries.”

“Thanks”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs? I looked at the area I always get them from, and it's not there.”

“Oh yeah, the eggs did not arrive yet. We are trying to contact the supplier, but their line is unreachable. I'm guessing we are not the only ones they didn’t deliver to.”

“So you have no idea when the eggs are coming?”

“Unfortunately, no”

“Alright, have a nice day.”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs?”

“Supplier did not supply today, and we don’t know when or if we will have eggs today.”

“Unbelievable. Where can a lady find eggs in this city? This is like the 11th store I’ve been to, looking for eggs.”

“Sorry”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs?”

“Did you not see the morning news?”

“What?”

“There is an egg crisis, no eggs today.”

“That's strange. You saw that on the news? 

“Yeah, look, they're talking about it. Sammy, turn the volume up.”

Stores nationwide have not had their eggs delivered. Civilians are in distress. A local woman is here with me. Can you tell us what happened to you this morning? Yes, well, I own a bakery, and we have seven wedding cakes to deliver today and countless orders of pastries. I went to every single store and supermarket I could find and even knocked on my neighbors' houses to find eggs. Please, to whoever can provide me with eggs within the hour I am willing to pay, call me at 165. Alright, back to you, Razan. Well as you can see, the sudden shortage of eggs is affecting people’s lives. My guest today is economic analyst Khalid Shammari. What are your thoughts on the matter? Thank you, Razan, for having me. first of all…

“Alright, Sammy, turn that off, see.”

“But that's strange.”

“Yeah, there are more chickens than people in the world. I can't believe there are no eggs.”

“I guess I’ll come again tomorrow, then.”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs?”

“Sir, did you not read the sign at the door? No eggs”

“Why?”

“No idea, but it’s all over the news. I guess the chickens are having a strike.”

“Hahahahahaha, I like you, man. Give me the six-pack, please.”

“We don't have eggs, sir. The supplier never came today. Not just us; it was all over the news. Check your Twitter or something.”

“Woah, unbelievable! The world without eggs. Can you imagine? So many amazing meals, lost! No sunnyside ups, boiled eggs, omelets, shakshuka, eggs benedict, frittata, egg salad, or egg salad sandwich.”

“No pies, no cakes, no mayo, no custard.”

“That sucks! I don’t want to live in a world without eggs, man.”

“Me neither”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs?”

“There are no eggs, miss.”

“I think you know where I can find the eggs.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Look”

“Miss, please put your money away. We don’t have eggs.”

“We both know that's not true.”

“Why would I lie about not having eggs? You know how much money we lost because we didn’t sell eggs this morning?”

“Do I look stupid to you? I know this is a scheme that store owners invented to drive up the price of eggs. You can’t fool me.”

“Not another conspiracy theorist! I haven’t had my lunch break yet for God’s sake.  It is not that complicated. The supplier did not bring over the daily shipment of eggs. So we have none to sell.”

“I need eggs urgently, and if you are willing to cooperate, I am ready to double this amount.”

“Miss, I have a lot of work to do if there isn't anything else, I’d like to get back to it.”

“Look, young man, my husband is a very powerful man, and if I told him about your unwillingness to help me, you might find yourself out of a job tomorrow.”

“Be my guest, lady.”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the eggs?”

“God help me.”

“Oh, you are going to need his help.”

“Excuse me”

“I said, where are the eggs?”

“I am guessing you know the answer to that”

“Bring the eggs or my friends, and I will have fun destroying your lovely establishment.”

“Sir, if you do not take your hands off of me, I am going to have to call the police.”

“The police are exceptionally busy this afternoon.”

“How can I give you eggs when we don’t have them?”

“We will not be lied to by corrupted, money-hungry capitalists who will do anything to line their pockets. We deserve eggs.”

“Capitalist? I think you got the wrong guy.”

“Listen here. We will do everything to protect our rights and our economy. Today it's eggs. Tomorrow it's milk; next week, it's oxygen.”

“Sir, I assure you that I care about the economy as much as the next person, and selling eggs helps pay my rent, but we don't have any. We didn't get any. So you should be talking to the supplier, not me.”

“Search the back, guys. I can handle him by myself.”

“Yes, feel free to search the back, but can we please maintain civility during these tough times?”

****

“Hi, do you know where I can find the uhh”

“We don’t have eggs. We barely have anything. Go ahead, take whatever you like. It's on the house today.”

“What happened to you? Oh my god, your eye looks bad.”

“You should see the other guy.”

“What happened?”

“We didn’t have eggs.”