Hidden Gem

Whoever knew that something so small would mean so much to me?

I was a little girl living in Dhaka, Bangladesh, filling my days with sharp pain while ma screamed at the air for dad to come back home. We lived in a small brown house, I recently got my room which I decorated with sticks and flowers, and ma made me a doll. I loved that doll, but ma was always so extra, she gave her mud shoes, she said they were "boots." I didn't know why I always hurt, but every time I was excited I started to shake. I had a passion for dancing, but ma said that girls don't dance, she told me to sit in my bed patiently and she would make my favorite food. That's all she ever did, cook, breath and occasionally listen to the radio. 

Every day I lived as another day passed, it didn't feel like living, just existing. My ma got alarmed every time I was quiet, I didn't know why. Ma said that the doctor said I can go to a long sleep anytime, that's why she was always scared. I didn't know what she meant so I didn't care. My mom was always so faint on what she meant, it's bothersome. My friends stopped talking to me after I nearly fainted while playing hopscotch. I wish I could say sorry, I wish I could go out to see the sun again, I wish..... but it didn't matter, ma said I was not allowed to go back outside ever again. I know she didn't mean it but she was so strict about it I almost had to believe I...I loved my country, my state, my yard, my soil, my grass, can she just take it all away just like that? Ever since dad left, ma has been all grumpy. She doesn't even spend time with me. All she does is cook, and clean, and cook, and repeat. I sometimes wanna help ma, but then I remember how she trapped me in a room, and then I lose interest. 

Every time I ask ma about when Baba is coming back home, she just says soon, and then leaves, does she not even want to talk to me now? What am I supposed to do? Baba, please come back home soon. The doll that ma made for me is beautiful, but the boots, it doesn't come off. I hate the boots. I made up my mind, I'm going to run away in the middle of the night, no one will know. 

Wow, I almost fell asleep, I saw a lot of birds just fly out of the forest, guess I will just have to investigate. I walked towards the forest, never looking back, something didn't feel right, but I knew what it was, fear about what would happen if ma found out. I walked for hours, the branches hit my face, the sharp leaves cut my hands, the sticks and stones pierce my foot, and I loved it all so much. The moon was bright red, I forgot how it normally looked. The fresh air was just so..........dusty. 

I didn't know what it was, but something told me to turn around, and I followed. I ran and ran, my feet were faster than ever, I was scared I might fall again. I didn't know where I was going, but my feet seem to do just fine. I felt a strong pain and a strange feeling in my stomach, what is that? 

I ran for hours maybe, but I didn't come back home, I passed out of the forest, by the rubbles, which was steaming gas, passed my dad's previous word yard, but...wait, my dad's yard, so my house should be the other way. I walked and walked but I kept running into the rubble again and again. I looked down and my foot was a bloody stump, my mom will kill me. I sat down to look at my feet and a few inches farther I saw something. Something small and brown, something that people wear, but too small for feet. Maybe for a toy.... my toy...my boot... my soil.... my yard, and my house. My mom! Where is my mom? What happened? What is this? Where am I? Oh, young Lebia, I wish I could hug you right then, I know I needed it a-lot. My whole body started to shake but I felt nothing, that boot never seemed so important before, before when I had the time. But then, under the red moon-sun, the boot seems like a bar of brown gold. I never saw it before but at the tip, it had our names, Lebia, ma, and baba in a heart. The most perfect heart I have ever seen. 

My darling, the Bangladesh-Pakisthan war was the time where I lost both my mom and dad, the two most precious people in my life. I wanted to give this to you because I can go to a long sleep anytime soon, so I want you to keep it. It was a brave time for everyone in my country, farmers, shopkeeps, librarians all got together to fight. High school, middle school, college, age didn't matter, everyone gave up their lives for our country. Our soil and our blood. Our Golden Country will always remember that, and I want you to remember it too. So many mothers stand outside still, waiting for their son to come home. I lived for a longer time than I expected, I love you my sweet, sweet daughter, I really, really do, I want you to engrave it in your heart. I never told my mom this but I loved her so much, my ma, I told baba before he left for war but I never told ma. She never heard the words that every mother dies to hear, ma, I guess you had to go so far away for me to finally understand how close I want you. I love you ma, I really, really..............