Sleep Diary Strategy

Dear Diary

3rd March, 2020

I bought you from Officeworks.  Gee you're pretty. Gold gilded edges.  Anyway enough about you. I’ve never received any such compliment like I’ve just given you.  I get why. I’m not much to look at. I’m not much of anything really.  

Jackie says I’m likely depressed.  Maybe I am. She’s usually right. I don’t feel like writing any more tonight. I’ll end up down some rabbit hole. 

I only bought you because Jackie said I needed to come up with some healthy alternatives to help me to succumb to sleep rather than turning to the drink.  I don’t feel like practicing the journalling strategy. I don’t feel like doing anything. I might just have a nip and see if that settles me down. Good night.

Liz 

Dear Diary

4th March, 2020

This is ridiculous!  Jackie told me that if I can’t sleep, I should get up and try to go about business until the next sleep cycle catches me.  So that is what I’m doing. I’m not supposed to look at any blue screens, so I’ve decided to put pen to paper. I’m dying to look at Facebook, but once again Jackie reckons that if I start there, it could be two hours until I attempt to sleep again.  She’s probably right. C’mon sleepy Liz...sleep!

Rather than counting sheep, why don’t I examine what is keeping me up at night? Surely if I dissect this enough, peace will overcome me.  Then the goal will hopefully prevail. To sleep like a baby.

Well for starters, today was pretty embarrassing.  I went to work and we had this workshop thing in the function centre.  I went to the toilet, as I had arrived early and I didn’t want to miss anything later in the session if I needed to go.  Anyway, I went to the toilet and the toilet wouldn’t flush. It was one of those toilets where there’s no flushing button.  Instead as you stand up there is supposed to be an automatic flush that triggers with your body movement. Well let’s just say I did a bowel movement and I stood up with my body movement.  But no flush!  

This would have been bad enough.  But Ange was waiting in line in this single toilet bathroom.  I stacked a wad of additional toilet paper on top to disguise the floating items.  I left the bathroom cubicle with a shy smile. She entered the toilet. Before I made my way back to my allocated seat, she had followed me and notified the group that the toilet was out of order.  How terrible!

How can I deconstruct this?  Obviously I can’t, but Diary, it helps to tell someone in the privacy and confidentiality that I know you uphold. Well I think I’m just about to ride out the next sleep cycle.  I better head back to bed.

Liz

Dear Diary

5th March, 2020

Argh!  Last night I eventually went to sleep after rattling off to you.  I guess Jackie was right in her suggestions. But gee I woke up with a heavy feeling and an insufficiency of sleep that means that now I’m buggered.  I was just about to go to sleep and was drifting off in front of the evening news. But then I got a second wind didn’t I!  

Well last night’s tactic seemed to work.  I know Jackie is my counsellor, but I also feel like we’re friends.  I know there are ethics and boundaries that she works under, but I do feel that she understands me.  Not just in a patient empathy type way, but in a searching my soul and gets it type way. Anyway she says I’m making good progress and I tend to agree.  It’s so good that Dr Ramesh halved my prescription. It’s been two weeks now and I feel much more myself.

Sure, Roger told me on Messenger that he thought that maybe I’m getting manic again.  He saw that I was posting more than usual and reckons that I’m online too often. Well big bro, takes one to know one.  How do you know I’m up? It must mean you’re up too! Just because you don’t have a Bipolar diagnosis doesn’t make you some superior being!  

Whatever! Jackie and Dr Ramesh are the professionals.  Jackie even said once that I’m the expert in my life. So if anyone should be going to sleep it should be Roger!

I’m angry now.  I don’t think I can bear to toss and turn in bed again tonight.  I’ll wait it out with you Diary, as you lull me into a gentle sleep.  

Okay, time to think happy thoughts then.  That might calm me down and help this process.  I had a lovely thing happen to me today. I spoke with Geoff.  He is the hottest guy at work (and the smartest). He’s the IT guy and I'll be the first to say, he can always check our connection.  Anyway, I think he’s into me. I plan on writing him an anonymous letter tomorrow. Maybe I should say it with flowers too...and chocolates.  I reckon he was picking up what I was putting down that I was wanting him to pick me up. Well I’ll keep you posted. I might head back to the bedroom.  I hope Geoff penetrates my dreams tonight.

Liz

Dear Diary

6th March, 2020

Life is good.  Stuff sleep. Who needs it?  I feel great. I love myself.  I love Geoff. I’m sure he loves me.  The flowers went down a treat. I didn’t see his reaction.  But I’m sure that he’ll tell me about it one day. Anyway, I don’t really need you tonight Diary.  But I thought you’d like to know what’s been happening. I’m going to go on Facebook.

Liz

Dear Diary

23rd March, 2020

Sorry it’s been a while since I last wrote.  The truth is that I have been in hospital. In the nuthouse to be exact.  Things got a bit crazy with Geoff the other day. Somehow he threatened that the police might have to get involved.  The police actually did show up. They ended up sectioning me rather than anything else. So I spent two weeks locked up in hospital.  They have me on some heavy duty medications now. There is no problem in getting shut-eye now. Now my only wish is to wake up! Please Diary, help clear the fog and wake me up.

Liz