Graceview Manor

Grandma says that ghosts are just memories; moments in time, experienced by the people that were here before us. I wish I could believe her, but I know how memories feel. They can be strong, they can invoke emotions, smells, taste, love and fear, and yet, a memory has never made me feel the way this house does. 

Memories don't reach out and touch you, and memories don't whisper in your ear. Chills run down my spine as I remember the last time that I was here. I swore it would be the last… and yet, here I am, driving up to the rusty iron gates that are covered in ivy, shielding the Manor from the world outside. Shielding it from the light.

Graceview Manor has been in my family since the day it was built in 1832, by Walter Grace, whose painting still has pride of place above the large fireplace, in what was once a grand seating room, in a grand home. Everything else seems to be crumbling, but somehow that painting looks as good as it always did.

I haven't been here in years and I really don't want to be here now, but we've been summoned! Grandma Elizabeth wants everyone here for the weekend. It's important, apparently! I could have just called my mum and asked her to tell me what was going on, but that would mean speaking to her, which I'm not ready to do just yet. I'm not entirely sure how we'll get through this visit together, but at least she's not one to make a scene in front of others. She has far too much pride for that! Family drama seems to follow, we Grace's, and that's probably the only thing that I have in common with my ancestors. 

Anyway, my grandma is now ninety-two, so visiting her for what could be the last time, is the least I can do.

§§§

"Grandma Elizabeth?!" I call, as I open the heavy Oak door. It's original and I have no idea how the hinges are still holding when they grind and creek the way they do. "It's Lily!"

I don't hear any response, but there's a good chance that she's not heard me, or that she's slowly making her way to me, and so I push the door closed, put my bag down and take in my surroundings. It hasn't changed a bit. Well, there are more buckets dotted around collecting the water that drips from the ceilings, but other than that, it's just as dark and oppressive as it's always been. 

I look up and see at least three patches of brown on the ceiling where years of water damage has taken its toll, and suddenly, I feel guilty. Why are we letting her live like this?! Then I remember; she refuses to leave!

"Grandma Elizabeth?!" I call again. "Mum…" I add more cautiously, but then I remember that there were no other cars outside, which means that I'm the first here.

I start to look in the rooms downstairs, calling for my grandma as I do. I try the sitting room, the parlour, the evening room (yes, that's what it's always been called), the dining room, and then the kitchen… maybe she's outside? I know she's not upstairs, because she can't manage them anymore, and has a bed set up in the evening room. 

I jump at the sound of slow-moving footsteps in the room above me. Surely, she hasn't gone upstairs?! I quickly walk back to the main staircase, by the front door and start to climb them.

"Hello, Lily…"

"Shit!" I shout, as I turn around, almost stumbling in the process. My grandma is standing in the hallway, with her arms stretched out to me.

I place a hand on my pounding heart and let out a shaky breath, as I walk over to her. "You scared the life out of me!" I tell her, as I fold into her small frame… she feels cold. "Where were you? I looked everywhere… Do you need a jumper?"

"I'm fine, my dear," she says, as she steps back to take me in. "Look at you, Lily Grace. How is it possible that you're even more beautiful than the last time I saw you?"

"Your eyes must be going bad," I reply with a smile, as I realise just how much I've missed her. She's so like my dad, and the complete opposite of my mum.

"Welcome home," she says, as she takes me by hand, and I'm struck again by how cold she feels. 

I don't challenge her use of the word 'home,' because she's always called it that. Even though I've never stayed for more than a few weeks, and that was years ago when Dad was still with us. 

I follow her into the sitting room, where thankfully, she chooses the chair that is being warmed by the only ray of sun that has managed to penetrate through the dirt on the windows. 

"They've been eagerly awaiting your arrival," she says, as she sits down.

"Who? Mum and Uncle Philip?" I ask.

"Pardon, dear?" 

"Were you talking about Mum and Uncle Philip?" I repeat.

"When?" she asks, looking a little puzzled.

Be patient Lily, she's ninety-two. "You said, 'they have been eagerly awaiting your arrival' - who did you mean? Nobody else is here yet."

"No," she says, "they'll be here tomorrow." 

"Oh… but you told me to arrive today - did I get the date wrong?!" I ask, giving up on getting clarity on my previous question.

"No, dear, you're exactly where you're supposed to be," she replies, looking at me intensely.

§§§

I make a pot of tea and I fill her in on my life (or lack of it) and I start to feel relaxed in this house that completely gives me the creeps!

"Grandma…" I hesitate. "Is it really healthy for you to stay in this house? It's damp and cold! I'm sorry... but it's just too much for you," I tell her, hoping that she will see that my words are coming from a place of love.

"I know, my dear," she replies without argument, which completely takes me by surprise. "My time at Graceview has come to an end, which is why I arranged this weekend."

She sees the look of confusion on my face, places her untouched cup of tea on the table next to her, and rests her hands on her lap. "It's time to talk about the future of Graceview Manor."

"Is Uncle Philip not taking it on?" I ask. I've always assumed that he'll be inheriting it when the time comes.

"No," she says sharply, making me jump a little. "Graceview isn't like other homes, it can't just be handed down to anyone!"

"Grandma… he's your son."

"I haven't forgotten that little detail." She smirks at me, and I'm suddenly reminded that before age took over some of her senses, she was one quick-witted lady. "It is not for me to decide who should take on the house," she continues, "the house decides."

I hide the smile that wants to take over my face by taking another sip of my tea, and if she's noticed, she doesn't let it show.

"The house decides who cares for it. It always has, and it always will," she says with confidence. "And the house chooses you."

I almost choke on my tea and it takes a few minutes to catch my breath again, and she just sits patiently the entire time. "Grandma! You can't give Graceview to me!"

"It's already yours, Lily."

"Grandma…" I place my cup on the table next to my chair and lean forward a little. "I'm very grateful that you would want to choose me…"

"The house chose you," she interrupts.

"Yes…" I say, deciding not to dig too deeply into that one. "But look at it!" I gesture around the room. "I cannot afford this place!"

"It has no mortgage…"

"It's falling apart! I could not afford the up-keep…"

"The house has always provided…"

"Will it provide a new roof?!" I ask, laughing at her.

"Stranger things have happened," she says, as she slowly gets up from her chair.

§§§

Did she even eat at dinner? We were talking, and I was eating, but I can't think if I saw her eat… I should go and check on her.

It's dark now and I'm in the situation I never hoped to be in again - alone, in the dark, in Graceview! I was dreading coming here, but I thought that there would at least be safety in numbers. I don't have a lot of time for my mum right now, but Uncle Philip and my cousins were supposed to be here too! I can't believe she brought me here a day early! Even more annoyingly, this place has terrible mobile reception and no wi-fi! It's from a forgotten time and the lack of connection just adds to the feeling of isolation and vulnerability.

I open my door and look out onto the landing, which is bright, because I purposefully left the light on. At least this place has electricity, because I couldn't cope with shadows! I walk down the landing, along the floorboards that creek with every step that I take, making me feel like I'm being followed. I've always felt like I'm being followed when I'm here… I pause, turn around (just to check) and obviously, there's nobody there. I turn back and jump out of my skin when I catch sight of my own reflection in the mirror! 

There are mirrors all over the place here! Who needs so many mirrors?!

Mirrors were my dad's explanation for why this house always scared me so much. "You see faces everywhere you turn, Lily… but it will usually be your own," he'd told me when I was ten years old and cowering on the floor, after being convinced that I'd seen a lady dressed in old clothes standing next to me.

I shake the memory away and continue to walk down the stairs towards my grandma in the evening room. I hear her voice, but I don't catch what she's saying. Is she on the phone? I get to her door and give it a gentle knock.

"Grandma?" I say, as I open the door.

She's asleep. She's in her bed, tucked up and fast asleep… I'm sure I heard her talking?! I guess I misheard, it's a noisy old house, after all.

I decide to leave her to it, and head back upstairs at a quicker pace than I normally would and avoid the mirrors. My room is incredibly clean (she must have organised a cleaner for our visit) and has an ensuite, and so, I lock the door to the bedroom and get ready for bed, feeling a little more secure.

Once in my pyjamas, I decide to read for a bit. My mind goes crazy when I'm in this house and I get scared in the dark, so I've always made sure to bring something to read in an attempt to completely exhaust myself. After a few hours, my eyes can't take anymore, and so, I quickly glance around the room, checking (for what, I couldn't say) before turning out the light.

I pull the cover over my head so that I cannot feel any cool breezes or hear the whispers in the night that still haunt me, and eventually, I relax enough to fall asleep. It's not a restful sleep though, it never is. I dream of the house and I dream of people I've never met, and yet in my dreams, I always seem to know them. I dream of him. Just like the last time. I dream of his touch and the all-consuming passion of an outrageously intense sex dream with a total stranger! 

I had to look them up online after the last time I was here! I'd never had one before, but apparently, they're real! They're linked to feelings, emotions and anxiety, and since the latter goes hand in hand with being in Graceview, it's hardly surprising that I have them here.

I wake when my body clock tells me that it's seven O'clock (as always) feeling exhausted and like I've not slept at all. I drag myself out of bed and open the curtains. It looks like it'll be a nice day, not that Graceview gets much sun. It's surrounded by large trees that you think would make it feel secure and protected. Unfortunately, it just adds to its isolation. God, I hope she was joking about leaving this place to me!

I head to the bathroom and turn on the shower, praying that the boiler still works. It does, and it's not long before the room is filled with steam. The water feels amazing and I decide it's best to stay in the lovely warm spray for as long as I can, but I suddenly feel a chill down my spine, which makes me lurch forward, grabbing onto the shower curtain and almost pulling it off the rail in the process!

I grab my towel and, wiping the steam from the mirror, I turn to check my back. There's nothing there. No mark at all, and yet I could have sworn that somebody just stroked an ice-cold finger down my spine.

"The sooner my mum gets here the better…" I say out loud, and then I laugh at myself! If I'm thinking like that, then this place must really be getting to me!

§§§

I put the kettle on and start to search the cupboards for some food. There's really not much here; I'll have to go to the shops before the others arrive. There's bread, butter, milk and honey, so, as long as there is coffee, I am good to go! 

Creaking upstairs… Why does it always sound like footsteps?! It must just be mice in the floorboards, I bet they're everywhere, and that thought makes me shudder again. 

I go to the evening room to see if my grandma is awake, I give the door a gentle knock, and as I do it opens enough to let me see the bed. I can't see her, but the bed has been made, so I assume that she's up already and gone into the garden. She's always loved her garden.

I head back to the kitchen and decide to make enough toast for us both, thinking that I really must make sure she's eating something. Then I'll join her in the garden, and I can persuade her that she needs to leave this place to my uncle. I can't be doing with drama today, and that's what I'll get if he thinks I'm taking what's rightfully his!

Tray of toast and strong coffee in hand, I head to the garden.

"Grandma Elizabeth?" Where is she? "Grandma!" I call out again, as I do a lap of the garden. Where does she keep disappearing to?!

I go back inside and explore downstairs, calling her name as I go. Seriously… has she attempted to go upstairs?! I head towards the stairs but something outside catches my eye, and I go over to the window. She's there, near the front, tending to her roses… how did I miss her?! I let out a frustrated breath, but before I even turn to the door, I hear my phone ringing.

Wow! Signal at last! Oh… I see my mum's face as I pull it out of my pocket. "Hi…" I say a little cautiously.

"Lil…" She sounds like she's in a swimming pool! I look at my phone and see that I barely have one bar of signal.

"Mum, I can't hear you… hang on." I put everything down and head out the front door towards the roses. Bloody hell, she's moved again!

"Lily?" Mum says more clearly, but her voice is shaking.

"What's wrong?”

"Lily… I'm afraid I have some bad news…" she says, and my heart plummets as I remember the last time that she said those words to me.

"What is it?" I ask, swallowing hard.

"It's your grandma, I'm afraid she passed away three days ago…"

"Grandma Joan?!" I ask, referring to her mother.

"No… Grandma Elizabeth…"

I let out a dark, incredulous laugh. "There's been some mistake!" 

"No, Lil…" Shit! She's breaking up. I look at my phone again and see that I've completely lost reception.

"Mum?!" I ask with more urgency, but the line is already dead.

I run back into the house and straight to the evening room. "Grandma?!" Nothing. "Grandma Elizabeth? Where are you?"

I run back into the sitting room and look into the garden, then jump and turn at the sound of floorboards creaking behind me.

"There you are!" I say, as I clasp my hand against my heart, which is beating uncontrollably. “I've just had the weirdest call from my mum… we need to call her back…" 

Footsteps upstairs... More than one pair this time. I look up at the ceiling, then back to my grandma and almost fall backwards against the table. She's different… fainter, like she's not even there.

"You have nothing to be afraid of, my dear, Lily," she says with a warm smile. "Do you understand now? The house chooses who stays."

The footsteps above my head now sound like they're moving out of the room and along the landing, and I cower against the wall. I'm frozen to the spot in fear and unable to take my eyes off her, but she's smiling brightly.

"Don't worry, Lily… they are truly happy to have you here." She gestures towards the footsteps that are clearly coming closer. "You're never alone when you're the lady of Graceview."