Bittersweet Tragedy

Holloway, Present Day

As soon as the smell of almonds hit her nose, Cecily Fox remembered why she tried her most to avoid cafes. 

The bitterness alone felt like a hand around her throat, her breath robbed like it was nearly six years ago now, when she was a third year theatre student at King’s College.

The barbs of memory would forever be a pain for Cecily, no matter how many years passed since the night of the Christmas performance. 

The main thing that troubled Cecily to this day was how she felt about Bella.

Arabella March was everything to Cecily, the worst and the best of her were in Bella. 

She still never knew how to describe what she and Bella were. Best friends. Rivals. Enemies. Possible lovers, if things had turned out differently. If Cecily had paid attention more to Bella and what she needed, or perhaps what she didn’t need. 

No matter what they had or hadn’t been, Cecily could have never predicated what happened between them that night in winter. 

King’s College, Five Years Ago

60 minutes until the show

The classroom was buzzing with first and seconds years preparing technicalities and costumes for the extras. 

Cecily, Bella and Eve were perched on a table chattering about the show that was just over an hour away. This year they were performing Macbeth but with a gendered twist. Cecily had landed the main role as the eponymous tragic hero himself; her and Bella had both been vying for the role of Macbeth. Both girls had been ravenous for the role, and Bella had been starving longer. In the end, Carson and Lilith had chosen Cecily for the part, her audition had been the perfect mix of guilt and desire that, according to Lilith, was the concoction for a character like Macbeth. 

She had felt a pang of guilt, as if she had somehow stolen the role from Bella’s hands. She knew she hadn’t - this was simply how the industry worked. Some got the role, some didn’t. 

Instead, Bella had been relegated to understudy, salt in the wound. Bella had put on a brave face but Cecily’s eyes were trained in everything that was Arabella March, and she could see the fine cracks and fissures, the facade was only one more knock away from shattering completely. 

She felt like it landed on her shoulders to tape Bella back together if that happened. If only in that moment Cecily had known just how broken Bella had truly been.

As the girls spoke amongst themselves, Joel and Rowan came bumbling into the room, Leo sure to be somewhere trailing behind them.

“Ladies,” Rowan greeted, a lazy grin stitched onto his face.

“Ladies,” Bella returned, her smile more razor than silk.

Rowan gave her the finger, affectionately, and propped himself beside Eve, curling an arm around her waist. This earned him a glare, though Eve didn’t bother to knock his arm away. 

Joel and Leo approached them, heads bent in discussion in a language only the two of them understood. Cecily felt a rush of fondness as she imagined that’s how her and Bella looked when they spoke to one another. 

They had both met in their first year at Sixth Form. One too shy to introduce herself to a room full of vibrant personalities (Cecily) and one too comfortable with sharing parts of herself to the class in greeting (Bella). They were incongruous in many ways to one another but that was how they liked it. 

Joel’s voice plucked her out of her little reverie, asking anybody if they were up for taking a trip to the local coffee shop just down the street, coffee or tea before they were due to perform. 

Everyone chorused their desire for a good drink before their final show of the year.

Bella slid gracefully from her spot on the table, her thighs dragging against Cecily’s own. She willed herself not to blush at that. 

“I’ll join you,” said Bella. “The usual, Ceci?” The usual being a mango tea with the tiniest bit of sugar. 

“Please,” Cecily smiled. “Be quick though, Lilith will have our heads in baskets if we delay the show.”

Bella’s face did something complicated before she said slowly, “Of course, we couldn’t afford to ruin your darling performance of Macbeth, could we?” 

Everyone gave a chuckle at that, Cecily included, but she couldn’t shake the thought that Bella hadn’t intended for her comment to be funny. 

* * * 

Joel and Bella had promptly left to fetch their drinks while the rest of their group went through their lines with one another. Rowan was the best Lady Macbeth Cecily had maybe ever seen, though his commitment to the role bordered concerning. 

“God, you don’t actually want to overthrow the monarchy do you? You’re terribly convincing.” remarked Eve. 

Rowan seemed to ponder the question. “No, probably not.”

“Probably?” Cecily had laughed. “That’s reassuring.”

 Rowan winked at them both. “Look like th' innocent flower, 

But be the serpent under ’t.” 

“Moron.” Eve scoffed, affectionately. 

“You wound me, Evie.” Rowan clutched at his chest, mocking heartbreak or a heart attack Cecily wasn’t sure. 

Eve’s nose wrinkled at the nickname. At least he had stuck to a nickname and not called her Evelyn, but Cecily was a smart girl and didn’t breath Eve’s full name anywhere near her. She liked all of her limbs in their designated places, thank you.

Eve turned her attention to Cecily, clearly intent on ignoring Rowan. He had moved on to annoy Leo, who was curled up in the corner of the room as if they were a kitten. Cecily thought they were in many ways, so the comparison wasn’t so odd. 

“How has Arabella been?” asked Eve, scooting closer to Cecily on the table. A brief flash of irritation went through her as Eve moved into Bella’s spot. She pushed it down as quickly, the pettiness of it shamed her.

“What do you mean?” she replied, knowing exactly what Eve was asking.

Eve scoffed. “Cecily. We all know she was dying for the main role, I’m suspicious about how nonchalant she’s been about it.”

Cecily shrugged. She didn’t want to start unnecessary drama among everyone, their group was close knit , but she knew how quick a rivalry could undo those seams. “That’s how it is in this industry,” Cecily deflected. “Bella knows this.”

Eve shot her a disbelieving look but let the subject drop. “Let me fix your hair,” Eve offered instead. “The pins have come a little loose.”

Cecily nodded easily and turned herself around and tried to relax, focusing on Eve’s nimble fingers curling through her hair rather than working up her nerves about the show, or about Bella.

As Eve was pinning Cecily’s auburn hair securely back into place, Joel appeared alone at the classroom door, three coffee cups balanced in his tanned arms. 

“Delivery!” he called, Rowan and Leo shooting up from the floor to crowd him. 

“Where’s Arabella?” Eve frowned. “Did you not come back together?”

“Your orders were taking longer to make, so she just told me to come back so our drinks didn’t get cold.” answered Joel. He hesitated, glancing at Cecily for a moment, but never said anything else. Cecily didn’t exactly know how to take that.

Ever the articulate one, Eve harrumphed; she loved coffee and hated lateness.

* * *

Ten minutes passed before Bella returned, chest heaving as if she’d ran all the way from the cafe. 

“Finally!” barked Eve, rushing over to grab her coffee. “We only have half an hour until the show and I need this sweet, sweet caffeine in my veins.”

Bella’s face soured when she realised that Eve had been sat in her spot, but the look was gone as quick as it came. At least nobody could say that Bella wasn’t a good actress. 

Cecily took her cup from Bella, the hot liquid welcome as it warmed her hands, which were forever frozen to the tips. She sighed and inhaled the smell of mango. Except it didn’t smell just like mango. Cecily puckered her lips at her cup. Had they added another ingredient?

Bella must have seen her confusion because she said, “Sorry, Ceci. They had to use a different milk this time, almond I think the barista said.”

“Oh,” Cecily muttered, tasking a hesitant sip. “Well it tastes alright, maybe a bit bitter, but it’s drinkable.” Bella nodded, but a glaze had gone over her face. 

Cecily ran a smooth hand over Bella’s head. “You okay, Bells? You look really nervous.”

“Just nervous for you,” she said. She sounded convincing but Cecily knew her friend better than that. “It’s the last Christmas show we’ll be doing as third years.”

Cecily hummed and continued to nurse her drink. She didn’t exactly understand why Bella was nervous for her. Had her rehearsals not been good, had she shown some sort of weakness in the role? Surely not, Lilith or Carson would have called her up on it. It was no good overthinking these sorts of things, Cecily chastised herself. She had to be confident in her craft, even if she thought nobody else was. 

Rowan chucked his to-go cup across the room with it landing haphazardly away from the bin, dregs of coffee seeping into the carpet. “Right guys, gals and non-binary pals,” he shot a wink at Leo for the last one, who in turn gave a thumbs up. “Shall we do one last practice? Get rid of them pre-show nerves!”

Everyone echoed a ‘yes, Rowan’, discarding their drinks on a surface and gathering around Rowan, who beckoned them as if he were their leader. He sort of was.

“Break a leg,” Eve grinned, all saccharine and glitter. Cecily knocked her hips into Eve’s, laughing. She didn’t miss the look Bella gave her and decided to ignore it. 

Someday Bella would have to understand that she didn’t have a right to Cecily. It's not like she had a right to Bella, either. After all these years, it was a hard pill to swallow.

King’s College, Five Years Ago

10 minutes until the show

Everyone was gathered in the wings of the main stage. The props and staging looked amazing, the pool was set up for the entrance of the witches, the trees were tall and looming, accurately capturing the intense atmosphere of Macbeth. 

Cecily and Leo were perched on an upturned box near the left wing entrance, them being the Banquo to her Macbeth. 

Leo was talking animatedly about how the mechanics of the pool worked and how Eve, Rowan and a second year, who Cecily had shamefully forgotten the name of, were going to emerge dramatically from the water, but she was hardly listening. 

Nausea was roiling in her stomach, her head was consumed by a dull pain. She must have made a noise of distress because Leo halted their rant about the wonder of play staging and gently rubbed a hand down Cecily’s curved back. She had unconsciously curled in on herself, her head hanging between her knees. 

“Cecily, do you want me to go get Lilith?” Leo asked, gnawing at their lip. “Your face is white as a sheet.”

“Yes, yes,” Cecily managed. “I don’t know what’s wrong. My stomach hurts.”

Leo rushed over to Lilith, who was talking to Bella and Rowan. Leo’s speech was rushed and he kept sending concerned looks at Cecily. Lilith's face tensed as she approached Cecily, her classmates in tow. 

“Cecily, darling.” Lilith spoke in a low and gentle tone, a mother through and through. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“Head,” Cecily choked on the word, her mouth full of cotton. “Stomach.”

Lilith frowned. “Have you eaten anything you don’t usually eat today? Drink?”

Bella tensed beside her but remained silent. Cecily couldn’t muster the strength to answer, the pain was too much. She started to shake, tears slipping down her flushed cheeks. 

“Is she having a reaction?” Eve panicked. “Her tea had new milk in or something.” Eve turned to Bella, raising an eyebrow at her, trying to get her to fill in the blanks.

“Oh yeah,” said Bella. “They used almond milk instead. She might be allergic, but she’s never -” Bella was cut off by Cecily vomiting at their feet, her body shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes were unfocused and rolled up.

Eve shrieked, at both the vomit and Cecily’s convulsing form, but lunged without hesitation to grab her as she slumped forward. 

Lilith cursed and held up Cecily’s other side. “She’s having a seizure,” she yanked her phone from her cardigan pocket and dialled 999. She got through immediately and started to explain the situation, her calm voice lulling everyone around them. Lilith was humming and nodding before she tucked her phone away. 

“Right, Eve you help me get Cecily to her feet. There’s an ambulance on the way,” Lilith turned to a shaking Joel and said firmly, “Joel, go tell Carson what’s happening, we’ll have to cancel the show.” Joel nodded and scurried off, Leo right behind him.

“Cancel the show?” Bella echoed dumbly.

“Of course we’re cancelling the show,” snapped Eve, her arms tucked protectively around Cecily. “Cecily’s health is more important than bloody Macbeth, Arabella!”

Bella’s lips were drawn in a tight line as she stared at Cecily’s writhing body, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know about the allergy.”

“This isn’t your fault, Bella. Nobody could have known,” Lilith cooed, hoisting Cecily along through the wings, more dragging her than helping her walk. Her feet were dragging uselessly along the wooden floor. First and second years were gawking at her in shock and confusion. If she hadn’t been so unstable, Cecily would have been scorched with embarrassment, having so many eyes on her like that. 

When they got outside, the world was a blur of red and blue, flashing lights screaming at her. Her eyes, a usually bright blue, were glassy and wild. She thought she could hear Lilith talking to a paramedic, but she wasn’t sure of anything that had happened from that night onward. 

The last thing she saw, as the ambulance doors were closing, was Bella’s face, stained with tear tracks, a haunted look in her burning brown eyes. She said something to her, but all Cecily heard was white noise, ears ringing and eyes rolling. 

It wasn’t until she came back to consciousness at the hospital, when she found out the truth of her seizure, that she pieced together what Bella had said to her.

I’m sorry.

* * *

Cecily had never been allergic to almonds, she hadn’t ever even tried them before that day of the Christmas show. It was true, the barista at the coffee shop had used almond milk, but it was completely harmless to Cecily. So no, it hadn’t been almond milk that had triggered her seizure. 

When her tests had come back while she laid in bed, still slightly delusional in her hospital room, her mum’s knuckles wound so tight the skin there was bleached white, the truth was revealed. 

Cyanide had been found in her system. 

Cecily had lurched up from her bed, confused. How the hell could she have consumed cyanide?

Her mum spluttered and demanded an explanation, her daughter was a theatre student, a good girl all-round. How could she have had poison in her system?

The doctors explained that it had most likely been mixed into her drink. The doctor explained, almost apologetically, that cyanide had a specific scent. 

Cyanide smells like bitter almonds. 

Cecily felt sick with realisation. The show, her having the main role, Bella’s jealousy. Bella taking longer than Joel to come back with her drink. 

Bella whispering I’m sorry to her as the ambulance doors separated them.

A sob ripped from her throat, she reached a hand up to her mouth, as if to catch it. Her mum jumped at the sound and began to coo and stroke her hair. 

“Oh sweetheart it’s okay,” she whispered. “We’ll find out who did this to you, my poor angel.”

Cecily shook her head, the sobs wracking her already weak body. “I think I know who it was,” she hiccuped, the thought of breathing the name felt life a prison sentence. It burned her tongue like acid.

“You believe you know who poisoned you?” the doctor inquired. 

Cecily jerked her head yes. 

“Who?” her mum demanded. “Darling this is serious.”

“I think,” cried Cecily, turning to look her mum in the eyes. “I think it was Bella.”