I Can See You

One, two, three, four, five. You count the plastic toys on your bed. You feel the smooth edges on the car and long, skinny legs of the spider as you run your fingers on them. With a touch of excitement, you put them on the bedside table – later, you could look at them for hours. You could laugh as your sister runs away from the big, ugly, plastic spider. She is always scared of the bugs and insects, but never hates the kitty. All of them make you feel the same way; either it is a bug lands on your head or the kitty rubs its head on your leg, it feels strange to you.

You hear a honk; the school bus. Being careful as you get off the bed, you walk to the window. The warm sunlight kisses your cheek as you open the window to hear the chattering of the students from Uptown Middle School. In no time, you will join those students and you will be riding that bus. Better to get used to that chattering, you think and a light smile appears on your face. Two days ago, when you told your mother that you can find the school bus by its honk and you would never miss it, she took a deep breath and stroked your hair- black as a crow, as she says- and kissed your forehead.

“You don’t have to find it by its honk, love. You will know the bus just when you see it.” She said, and you could guess she was smiling with tears in her eyes.

The bus honks again, and you stop roaming in the past. You come back to the bed running your hand along the wall. You sit on the bed and inhale your hand. It smells like hospital, but you do not feel nauseated. You are used to it.

Someone is coming towards the door. It is not your mother, you can be certain. She wears heels. It is not your sister, she thumps on the floor when she walks. The door is opened and someone walks in. “Good morning, handsome boy.”

“Good morning, flower.” You reply, and smile. The nurse is here. She calls you handsome boy, and her sweet voice makes you believe she tells the truth. On the third day, you asked her if you are handsome for real. She walked to you and held your hand. Her hand was warm and comforting, but you could not tell if she was smiling or crying. After a few seconds of silence, she said “I never lie. You really are a handsome boy.” You smiled.

“Big day, huh?” She asks you as she places something on the long, cold metal table in the corner of the room. The doctor will be here in a minute, you think and you feel like something icy runs on your back. “Yes,” you reply, holding your breath and feeling excited to meet the doctor. You waited years to meet this moment, and now it has arrived. Your heart skips a beat as you hear the door open once more.

“Good morning, Clive.” The doctor greets you and walk to the bed. You smile, greet him back and you feel that icy thing runs along your back again. The doctor is examining the reports, you hear the rustle of the papers and doctor’s muttering. Your heart beats like it is trying to escape from your body, and waiting has just got harder for you. “Hmm”, he closes the file, and your ears are eager for his words. But he does not tell a word and walks away from you. As you hear the rubbery gloves hit his hands you know he is ready to examine you.  He carefully puts his hands on the sides of your head and tilts your head softly. “Is it itchy?” “No, it’s just uncomfortable.” You want him to do it right now, but you keep quiet. “Let’s do it in the evening,” he removes the gloves, pats on your head and you hear him write something on a paper. You feel like your heart dropped to your stomach. In the evening! You have to wait another six or seven hours for the evening. You pray for a magic spell to make time go quickly, hoping that God will be kind enough to fulfill your second wish. The doctor’s footsteps walks outside the door and the nurse comes to you and sets the table on your bed. You smell the delicious cookies and hot milk as she puts a plate and a glass on the table. “Cookies?” You ask, smiling and sniffing the air around you. The nurse giggles. “You look like a blindfolded cat. Be careful, you’ll spill the milk.” She says and puts a cookie on your hand. You take a bite, and your hear mother’s footsteps. The nurse and mother greet each other and the flower leaves you to your mother. With the piece of cookie in the mouth, you try to smile. She sits beside you, and strokes your head. “They look yummy.” You swallow the munched, slightly wet paste of cookie and nod as you stretch your hand for her to have a bite. Crunch, you hear and she holds your hand from the wrist. She takes your hand away from her, and you feel the steam enfolds your hand. “Eat now. It’s great with hot milk.” She lets go of your hand and you take another bite.

“I talked to the doctor. He says it’s better to wait until the evening.” You nod again, busy munching. You do not want to show her you are disappointed, but she understands you. She strokes your head and kisses you. “I know it’s hard to wait. But you have waited all these years being a good boy. I’ll stay here with you till the doctor comes. Let’s have some fun.”

So she reads you a story from a book which has a hardcover and smells new. Her voice is comforting and brings you memories from the past—she used to read books filled with all the colours you could ever imagine. You slowly take your fingers on the pages, but it is not a book you can read to your mother. Now it is your turn. You take a book from the bedside table and place your right hand on the pages. You read to your mother and she listens silently. After you finish, she hugs you softly.

You two read to each other, talk, laugh and three hours pass. Now you feel like waiting is harder than climbing the highest mountain on the planet or swimming past the seven seas. You wonder how you managed to wait patiently all these years – you cried constantly for days, and you got tired of it. Then you kept asking mother how long you would have to wait. Each time, she hugged you and begged you to be a good boy until she finds a way. Today, you are here since she has found a way, and you find it is a battle to spend the last few hours of your waiting.

Your mother walks out of the room for a minute, and she comes with your sister. “Why are you so happy, rose?” You smile and ask as the girl sings, hums and runs around your bed. She tells you something, but you cannot understand her – baby talk.

Another few hours pass, and you hear someone coming. It must be the doctor, you think and wish. “Hello, Clive.” “Ready, handsome boy?” They are here. Your heart bangs louder and for a second, you feel like everything is frozen – your sister has stopped singing and you hear no vehicles on the road. You hear the rubbery gloves and you feel that icy thing runs along your back again. He walks to you and place his right hand on the back of your head. He slowly loosens the bandage and takes it around your head as you hold your breath. The bandage is removed and your eyes are still closed. You feel relieved as the bandages are gone and you feel wind around your eyes. “Blink slowly.” You follow his words. You see red, pink and white around you. Then you see a blurry image of someone. A blurry image of someone. “Hello, doctor,” you smile, and turns your head. The nurse smiles as you look at for a long second. Then there is a thin, long haired woman. She is different from your image of mother – she had a fuller figure before you lost your sight. But she has the same smile on her face, with tears in her eyes. She comes and kisses you but says nothing. With her, there is your sister staring at you curiously. She is the little sweetheart you wanted to see since mother told you were going to have a cute sister. You feel a tear running down your cheek as she toddles to you. Can you see me? You understand her questioned look. “I can see you, rose.” You smile.