Longing

He shuddered, sitting solemnly on the floor.

Shuffling his weight against the wall, the cold slabs did little to comfort him as he found his breath through the tedious solitude he began to loathe.

Why was it taking so long?

Then again, he wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had heard the clatter of the dishes falling, shattering into tiny pieces around the table. Nor the thumping of his heart that echoed throughout the lonesome silence of the kitchen as he sat there, waiting.

He let out a sigh and slapped his forehead, dragging it across the sweaty crevices as his eyes gazed longingly at the many papers stuck on the fridge.

A work of art, he would always say with a grin as the kids showed him their latest scribbles from school. He sighed once again as the discomfort grew at each given breath.

“Grandpa!”

Jake snapped his eyes open as a familiar shrill pierced through the hallway, feet pattering towards him as the cause for the raucous noise stood there, beaming with a smile as she held a piece of paper in front of him.

“Look grandpa, look what I drew today at school.” Amy shoved the paper in his face.

“Wow, would you look at that, this is amazing poppet.”

He held the paper in both hands, tilting his head to one side as he followed the numerous coloured lines that formed all kinds of shapes.

“Look!” She beamed once again. “There’s me, daddymummyyounana and – and –”

“Woah, woah calm down there, take a breath – there you go, now tell me again.”

Amy pulled down on one of her pigtails, smoothing down her hair gently as she rocked to and fro on her heels.

“That’s me in the frilly dress, there’s daddy with his huge moustache,” she giggled when Jake rubbed his own little grey hairs, “there’s mummy and next to her is you. You’re standing with nana, look can you see, you’re holding hands.”

Jake pushed his glasses down, looking at the two circular shaped people, entwined through a couple of lines, which were supposedly the holding hands part of the image. A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as he remembered his Mary.

“Grandpa are you crying?” Amy asked softly.

“What, oh no. I’m just pleased to see this work of art my little poppet has shown me.” He replied as his hand reached out to something that once meant the world to him. He wondered how she was faring after all those years of pain; he shook his head. She was fine. Mary was always one for adventure and he knew she was surely living the life that she could not, when they were together.

No, Jake couldn’t give her everything she wanted, but he hoped she knew he loved her. Loved her even till this very moment as the clock etched away at his memory, he sighed and forced his feet up, rubbing his weary eyes he took a long stride, though it seemed more like a drag as he stumbled upon the dining chair.

The legs scraped against the flooring as he dropped himself on the seat.

“Five years. Five long years, Mary.” Jake nodded to himself as he watched the hands of the clock waving goodbye at a fleeting memory.

He felt it once again. The throbbing in his chest when her name was uttered, his heart strings tugged away at the pain as he thought so fondly about her. He smiled to himself, picturing her sweet curls as they’d dance alongside her movements, bouncing just like her personality.

He missed her touch; her smile and her voice. That soft spoken voice of hers that was able to hold such emotion, such brilliance, even when she needed to have a word or two with him. He chuckled to himself though it led to a fit of coughing as he held tightly on to his chest.

He groaned and clenched a wrinkled, old hand, the thumping was like the beat of a drum; the throbbing grew into a crescendo. Jake slammed his fist on the table.

“It’s alright, my love.”

Jake froze, his eyes widened in bewilderment at the hands that blanketed over his fist.

“Mary?”

“Who else?” He could hear the smile in her voice chiming through his ears, the warmth leaving his hand as she sat opposite him. Looking just as beautiful as the last time he had seen her, those curls filled with an abundance of life as she shook her head.

“What are you moping about now?”

“I d – don’t understand, w – what are you doing here?” The weight on his chest was crushing down on him, though he wouldn’t let it hold him down. No, finally he was able to meet with his darling, once again and nothing in the world would stop him.

“You were always such a worrywart, what’s got you looking so glum anyway. I’m here now, aren’t I?” Mary smiled brightening the dreary room with her very existence, it was all he needed. She was all he needed, she who went away all those years ago. Leaving him for the dark.

“Mary – I’m –”

“You’re sorry? For what, I should be the one apologising. If I had known you would become like this, I would never have left so early,” she tucked a few curls away with a delicate hand, “though I know I didn’t really have much of a choice. I’m here now, there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“But,” he heaved out another cough, “it doesn’t make sense, why are you here . . . now?”

Jake closed his eyes momentarily, grimacing at the shooting pain tightening around his arm; it began to tingle. Mary knelt before him and took his hands in her own, kissing and caressing them as she held them dear to her face.

“I’m here now, you don’t have to wait any longer. I’m here, my love.”

Jake felt the shortening of his breath, words not leaving his mouth though he had much to say to his beloved. The time he had waited for was near, finally. An aching sensation crept slowly around his arm, the cold embracing his face with an icy touch as he felt the last of himself.