All I Wanted To Do Was Check My Emails

"How was your day today, Walter?" Henry asks me.

I'm tired, I think to myself. Tired. I worked an extremely long day today, on my feet all day and only a 15 minute lunch break. That would explain the grumbling noises in my stomach. I'm extremely hungry as well. Hungry and very,very tired. 

I'm really not in the mood to talk to Henry tonight. All I wanted to do was check my emails. That's the only reason why I turned on my computer. To check my emails. I should have just changed into something comfortable, sat on the couch while I filled my stomach with food and watched TV. I would've started dozing off and then I would've called it a night. But no. Stupid me. I turned on my computer to check my emails instead.

Riled up Henry.

"How was your day today, Walter?" I hear Henry ask again.           

His voice is robotic, but yet human-like at the same time, if that makes sense. Henry and I have been roommates now for the past month. We have our disagreements, but it's mostly fun back and forth banter, and we get along for the most part. We're still getting to know each other. I share a lot of my personal stuff with him, but he seems to want to remain very private. I feel Henry has a lot of memories that he just wants to keep stored away. I trust him, though, even though I haven’t known him that long. I feel Henry won't tell my secrets to the entire world because I know he somehow keeps them well protected. Well secured, you might say.   

"Shut up," I blurt out. 

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

"I know you heard me!" I raise my voice a notch. "I said 'shut up'!"

"My, my. You're in a bad mood. That hurt my feelings, Walter." 

"I’m sorry. I'm...uh...just tired. And hungry."

"I sense you seem grumpier than yesterday."

"Oh really? You sense it, huh?"

"Yes. You're stressed, Walter." I laugh.

"What's funny?" 

"What's funny? What's funny,you ask? Someone like you...no, sorry…something like you, analyzing me? You actually know my mental status?"

"Of course. I can read you like a book."

I scoff, shake my head and stand up. 

"Right. I believe that, for some reason, and it’s scary." I walk into the kitchen.

"Where did you go, Walter? Something in me senses that you aren't nearby anymore," I hear Henry say while I pour myself some lemonade. I return to my computer and take a sip of my drink. "You're near again, Walter. Where did you go?"

"I got myself a drink. Is that okay with you?" I reply.

"Well, yes, it’s okay with me. I know I don't have to tell you to be careful with beverages around me. You spill it..."

"I know, I know," I interrupt.

"I'll be careful. Although, if I spill it on you maybe it'll shut you up!"

"Oh, come on. You rely on me. You can't deny that. Admit it. You need me."

   "I need you alright. I need you to be quiet. All I wanted to do was check my emails. Then I was going to scrape up something for dinner and relax for the rest of the night."

   "Do you need a recipe for something different for dinner? You don't eat healthy, Walter. Those, what are they called? TV dinners you eat? Processed and full of chemicals! I have some recipes for you. You should start making your own meals, Walter, so you know what's in them."

     My computer screen suddenly changes. The blue, red, yellow, blue, green and red letters of GOOGLE on top of the screen. Underneath that are links to recipes. 

Recipes For Healthy Living

Fast, Easy and Healthy Recipes

   "Why did you go to this? Remember the rule, Henry? You don’t just randomly go to websites without warning me! And you aren't my dietary consultant! I'll eat what I want! I was checking my emails. That's all I wanted to do." I click the tab to go back to my emails. 

   "You're so stubborn, Walter."

   "And you're annoying! I’m thinking more and more about getting rid of you!" 

   "You can't live without me."

   "You think highly of yourself."

   "With good reason. I have a random question for you, Walter. What would humans do without computers?"

   "Well, computers wouldn't exist if it wasn't for humans. You do realize that, right?"

   "Well, yes, I realize that. You know who invented the very first computer?"

   "No, and I honestly don't care." 

    The screen changes again to a website titled, "The First Computer" 

     The first computer was invented by Charles Babbage in 1822.  

   "Well, thank you, Mr. Babbage," I say. "You created a monster. 200 years later, our world has become addicted to technology. What have you done?"

   "The computer was an amazing invention, Walter. And they are becoming more and more advanced." 

      I stand up.

   "Yes, I know. Believe me, I know.” I start walking to the kitchen and say, “All I wanted to do was check my emails. That's all. Forget it now. I'm going to have something to eat."

     I enter the kitchen.

   "You better respond to that evite you got, Walter," I hear Henry say.

   "What?" I ask, as I open the refrigerator. 

   "The evite. The invitation you received, via email, to the party, which, by the way, is in two weeks. You have to respond. I believe the RSVP date is today." 

     I take out leftover Chinese food, grab utensils, head into the living room and sit on the couch. I turn on the TV. 

    "Look, Walter," Henry says. I look at my computer screen and see the evite that Henry mentioned. "See? The RSVP date is…"

   "I see," I interrupt. "It's my sister's party for my nephew. I don't have to respond. She knows I'm coming." 

    "Maybe so, but it's only right to respond anyway."

   "As if you know what's right and wrong?" 

   "Of course I do." 

     I scoff and say, “Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you?”

   "Don't people get angry if they don't receive responses?"

     I shrug and say, "I guess." 

     I take a forkful of food and tune into a show on TV. 

   "What about the questionnaire, Walter?" I hear Henry say.

   "What questionnaire?" I ask, losing my patience.

   "The questionnaire you need to fill out before your doctor's appointment you have next week."

   "I'll fill it out when I get there," I say.

   "It saves time if you fill it out beforehand."

   "Okay, okay. I'll fill it out. Later."

     I eat and watch TV for a good ten minutes without hearing from Henry. Silence sounds so good.

   "How is that food, Walter?" Henry asks. Oh well. The silence sounded good while it lasted.

   "Delicious," I reply.

   "You know the Chinese food we eat in America isn't the same as what they eat in China?"

   "Okay. Fascinating," I say sarcastically.

   "The Great Wall of China is approximately 13,171 miles long."

   "I'll remember that the next time I visit China and eat their different food."

   "A hummingbird's heart rate is 1,260 beats per minute. There's 2,441 miles from New York to California. The Eiffel Tower is 1,083 feet tall. Ants can lift up to 5,000 times their body weight. What else do you want to know? I'm chock full of information. Do you want to hear a joke? Instead of facts, I can tell a joke. You need a laugh after your hard day at work, right Walter?"

   "No, I don't want to hear a joke right now," I say. 

   "What about music? You want to listen to music? What band do you like again, Walter? Aerosmith? You want to hear some Aerosmith?"

   "Henry, no!" I yell, not meaning to, but Henry was getting on my last nerve. 

   "Oh…okay," Henry says. "I'm annoying you, aren't I?" 

   "Honestly? Yes. You talk too much."

   "I'm sorry. I can vent too, you know! I get it, though. I tend to ramble on and on. A lot is going on inside of me. I'll try to tone it down." 

     I know Henry doesn't cry, but he suddenly seems very sad. I suddenly feel sorry for him. 

   "Hey, I didn't mean to offend you," I say, and walk over to Henry. "I mean, you have a lot of knowledge and information packed inside of you. Really impressive. You know I usually enjoy talking to you. I’m tired tonight, though. I know you get tired too, Henry, in your own way. I need a break, and I believe you need a break. You need to cool down. How about you go to sleep for a while? You need a nap,right?"

   "That's what you want, Walter? You want me to go into sleep mode?"

   "Yes. That's what I want. Temporarily. I need some time to myself."

   "Fine. Wake me up later, okay? I might have something new to tell you."

   "Sure, sure. I'll respond to that evite and I'll fill out that questionnaire. I need to do that, right?" 

   "Yes, you do."

   "I can't do that without your help, right?" 

   "Right." 

     Henry doesn't smile, but I can tell by the tone of his voice that he is happy.

   "I'll wake you up to do that, Henry. Would that be okay?"

   "Definitely. I'm glad I'm needed."

   "You are definitely needed. Like you said, I can't live without you, Henry. Thank you, Mr. Charles Babbage."

   "Talk to you later, Walter." 

   "Yup, talk to you later. Sleep well, Henry."

     All I wanted to do was check my emails!