Friend-Zoned at Work

My heart flutters. The butterflies in my stomach are going hectic. Palms clammy. Watching him walk through the aisles of the store, I feel myself smiling.

“What are you smiling at?” Iphis jokes with me.

“Not a thing.”

“Manda I know you better than that.”

“Damn it, I’m too high to think right now.”

We both laugh as we go through the aisles.

He presses his hands on my hips and guides me in front of him. Due to his height, he has to straddle me as he takes his steps. I wonder what people think when they see him and I walking through the store together.

Interracial couples don’t bother me or my family, but some families still can’t handle the reality. The world we live in is a mess about it all. Stereotypes aren’t what grinds at my gears, but ignorance does. Love is love.

The personality is what will always catch my attention. Looks benefit me, but I have to have standards too. His body, even under his clothes, was toned. The way he presented himself was different than the rest of the people we work with. He dresses for the position he wants, just like I do.

A man with goals. Something I can get behind for sure. Does he realize how insane he drives me? His muscles ripple down his arms as he moves. My pulse begs for them to be wrapped around my throat. Maybe I should drink and get high all at the same time? Too much hormones raging through my body.

Biting my lip, he glances over at me again. “It’s not nice to stare.”

“It’s also not nice to stare,” I retort back.

“What am I staring at? You aren’t much of an attention getter.”

That blow was definitely uncalled for. “That’s what I thought too. Yet you don’t share weed with just anyone.”

“Do you know how shocked I was when you first asked about hanging out with me?”

“Come on, a guy like you must have girls falling all over you. It’s not like you’re bad looking.” I mock at him, hoping that he doesn’t realize just how much I enjoy the view.

“The chicks here are crazy too though. I’m used to a lifestyle where the woman doesn’t fight back, isn’t as resilent as you Texans are.”

“Whoa now. Don’t go insulting us all. I wouldn’t have to be as resourceful as I am right now, if there hadn’t been bad blood between me and too many guys. If there was one that could prove I could count on him, maybe things would be different for me.”

We continue to walk through the store. His body heat, I can feel nearing mine. He is so close that I can feel his heart beating. It’s racing too.

That’s a good sign right?

“Manda, I don’t think that you realize what you do too me…” he mumbles and I think I hear him correctly.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, talking to myself.”

I joke. “They say that’s when people start going crazy.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

You!!! My mind screams, but as shy as I can, “Don’t really have plans for tomorrow.”

As the store browsing comes to an end, he walks with me to my car. “Just saying, you are pretty cool outside of work. I know I didn’t see this side of you until tonight.”

“That’s my goal. I don’t want everyone to know most of my life outside of work. Things need to stay separate.”

If only I could have both. Maybe he’ll move back home and then you won’t have to deal with that aspect any longer. He’s been talking about it the entire time you’ve known him.

“How about this, when you get off work tomorrow, hit me up and we’ll see if we can make you some plans,” there was a particular tone in his voice and I wish I could place it.

What was he up to?

My mind races as the possibilities run through my mind. So many naughty options, however, there are things that I know if they happen, we can’t go back.

I don’t even know if he likes me. There’s nothing special about me. Figure the million dollar question out first before you decide to sleep with him.

Making the trek home, I finally get some rest and then the next day starts it all over. Getting up I make the hour and a half commute to work. Before I get there, my phone rings. Some unknown number. These normally get ignored, but I had a few minutes to spare.

“Hello?” More of a question than a greeting.

“I’m surprised you answered,” his voice chimes through the phone.

My heart pounds. “Who is this?” I play dumb for a few more moments.

“Iphis. You gave me your number the last time you sent me a link to your stories. They are impressive, by the way, if I hadn’t told you already.”

“Shit. I totally forgot about that.” My thumbs tap at the steering wheel trying not to have an anxiety attack.

He laughs through the speaker.

“That’s not amusing!” I grumble at him as he continues laughing.

“It’s amusing seeing you get flustered. So much of your life is about control. When it gets taken away you spiral and its cute.”

Did he just call me cute?! Maybe he does like me. I might have a chance after all.

I catch my breath. “I’m glad you are amused. I’m not.”

“Any ideas what your plans are for after work?”

“Deflection is my technique.” I’d stomp my feet if I could’ve but I was still sitting in my car.

“Still didn’t answer my question.”

“The answer is: I don’t know if I have plans yet. No one has invited me to do anything. I’d probably just go home and get some sleep.”

“Why don’t we cruise the town and see what happens from there?”

I tense. Is this an offer or a command? My thoughts fire on all cylinders. Gearhead alert! His SUV is gorgeous. Don’t miss the chance to ride in the Cadi! You’d hate yourself for all eternity if you do that.

Trying to hide the smile I nod in agreement. “I guess we could.”

“I mean, if you are busy, I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

“Now, I didn’t say that either. I just said we will play it by ear.” Inside my head, I scream, I’ll be there. No doubt about it. Just one more chance to get closer to you.

The day finishes up and they decide to meet outside of work. Nothing wrong with a few co-workers getting drinks together. Afterwards, we leave my car in the parking lot and go for a cruise around the city.

“There’s something about this skyline that takes away my breath,” he explains.

“You can sure say that, but doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t either. You always have a snippy comeback.”

“I’ve learned to think on my feet and quickly.”

He smiles. “You sure you’re from Texas? You seem to act more and more like people from Chi-Town.”

“My best friends from Illinois so I guess I picked up a thing or two.”

I play on my phone smiling to myself. Being near him in this close proximity makes my heart jump. There’s something about him which is different, but I can’t pinpoint what it is.

What could it be? My mind races. Why do you even care about him? You should be worrying about yourself.

When I am around him, my personality changes. There’s a happiness surrounding me and there is no explanation.

“What are we doing here Iphis?”

“Elaborate?” His face scrunches into confusion.

“Where do you see this going? Is it just a casual thing or is it more serious? Do you want me to yourself or are you still at the whore stage in your life?”

“I’m only looking for something casual. If we try something else it could lead to one, or both of us, being disappointed. Disappointed you would devastate me. However, being let down again, I almost expect.”

My muscles tense. “You shouldn’t feel that way. You are a wonderful person. However, I get it, if you don’t trust me. I’m just that friend with some wonderful benefits and times shared together.“ Gazing down at the floorboard of the vehicle, my body slouches.

“Manda, don’t be like that. You are great. We both know that when you make something official that things can go crazy. Let’s see where our friendship goes…”

The feelings I have were unmatched. Devastation ensues and I walk out and leave the door wide open. This isn’t a bridge I want to burn. Not just yet…