160 comments

Crime Drama Mystery

Author’s Note: I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but normally I don’t use dialogue tags. In this story, I am trying to use them every once in a while. Please let me know if it worked or not! Thanks!


Joy Freeman put her silver Grand Cherokee in park, pulled the key out of ignition. After grabbing her purse, she opened the car door and stepped out. The cold breeze immediately hit her face--she pulled her jacket tighter around her. With a blank look on her face, Joy walked to the entrance doors of the cafe in front of her. An older man came sidling up to her with a gentle smile.

“Hello, Joy.” He opened the door for her and she walked in, the man following close behind her. The glass door swung closed gently behind them.

Once they walked in, they were met by a peppy young teenager who had a name tag that said “Sammy” in cursive writing. Joy immediately noticed that Sammy’s long, dirty blonde hair was ruined by bright blue streaks. Oh, how Joy hated young people who ruined their appearances.

“Hi! I’m Sammy, here to serve you today. Will it be just the two of you?” Sammy smiled brightly and used hand gestures as she spoke.

“Yes, miss. It will be just myself and cranky ol’ Joy here. Funny it is how her name is Joy, but she’s cranky all of the time!” Alan laughed. Waitress Sammy giggled along with him as she reached behind the lectern, pulling out two menus.

“You’re funny, sir. Now, would you like a table or a booth?”

Alan glanced at Joy, and she shrugged.

“A table will be fine,”Alan replied. Nodding, Sammy beckoned for the customers to follow her. She led them past other people who were sipping coffee and eating bagels. Finally, they stopped at a small table with two chairs. Alan motioned for Joy to sit down and she did. Reluctantly. He glanced at her as he took the other seat.

“Well, I’m going to be your server today!” The menus were sat down in front of both people. “What can I get ya’ to drink?”Sammy queried. Joy scanned her menu for a moment while Alan immediately answered.

“I’ll have coffee, please.” Alan smiled again (would he ever stop?) at the teen while she scribbled down the word coffee. 

“What are your new fall drinks?” Joy sat her menu down and looked at Sammy intently.

“Well, we have a pumpkin spice latte, maple frappe, a ginger tea, and a marshmallow iced coffee. The pumpkin spice latte is my personal favorite,” Sammy stated. Her face seemed to be plastered with a smile, too. It disgusted Joy. How could she be happy?

“I’ll have the ginger tea.” Joy eyed Sammy carefully while she slipped her winter coat off.

“Those will be out in just a minute! And remember that we have lots of new flavors in our traditional food items.” With a slight bounce in her step, Sammy walked back to what seemed to be the kitchen.

“Alright. Why in the heck did you invite me here? You know I’m busy. It’s New York for Heaven’s sake! I had to cancel five meetings at work just because I had to go to Starbucks with my father,”Joy snarled. Her face displayed anger and frustration. Alan just sat there, holding back tears.

“It’s good to know that you care more about your work than me. And I wanted to meet with you because I wanted to tell you what I heard about Ian. But I guess since you’re so upset, I’ll just leave.”

Most would think that he was purposely trying to get Joy, but this was how he felt. This was how Alan Freeman spoke. And it didn’t do one thing to Joy.

“Bye, then.” Joy watched as her father slowly got up from his chair and walked out the front door. She noticed that someone held the door open, and as soon as he walked in, Joy knew who that someone was.

“Ian?! Oh, my gosh. Ian!”Joy yelled. She leaped from her chair and raced towards Ian. The moment she reached him, Joy wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as tight as she could. Ian squeezed back.

“Hey, little sis.” He squeezed Joy one more time, then released her. She still stared at him, flabbergasted.

“I just can’t believe it’s you.” Joy’s eyes filled with tears, but she pushed them back. There was no way she was about to cry in public.

“Well, you would’ve known it was me if you let Dad talk. But I guess that doesn’t matter now. Let’s sit, shall we?” 

There was something wrong. Joy could tell as she followed Ian back to the table that she and her father had been sitting at. Just the way that Ian walked--it wasn’t right. And his voice when he had talked--there was something off. But, Joy still followed him back to the table and sat down across from him.

“Father probably completely hates me now. Even though he has always hated me. At least once I came here. You’re probably still his favorite, right? Out of all seven of us? I mean, you are the one that went to the Navy and helped win thirty-something battles. Right?”Joy sneered. Her eyes darted from Ian’s face to the way that he was fidgeting with his hands. Ian never did that.

“Hey, just ‘cause I was in the Navy doesn’t mean that I’m his favorite. Anne is probably his favorite. She is rich, after all.” A nervous laugh escaped Ian.

This wasn’t Ian. And that was a fact.

“Ian, what year did Father graduate from college?”

“1999, of course.”

“And what was Mother’s favorite color?”

“Pale yellow.”

“Isn’t Anne long dead?”

“What? No! Why are you asking me these awful questions?” Ian chuckled again, and his eyes were like lasers, looking at everything in the big dining room.

“Wrong, wrong, and wrong. Father graduated in 2004, after he went back to school. Mother’s favorite color was dark green, and Anne has been dead for fifteen years. I don’t know who you are, but I sure as heck know that you aren’t Ian Freeman.”

People around them were starting to notice the raising of voices, and were looking in the pair’s direction. Some were murmuring undetectable things.

“Alright, alright. You got me. I’m not really Ian Freeman. But let’s be honest. You aren’t Joy Freeman, either. And I do know that we have the same intentions. So, let’s blow this popsicle stand--together.”

And with that, both ‘Joy’ and ‘Ian’ stood up, reached into their jackets, pulled out pistols, and shot every one of those innocent customers. 

October 12, 2020 23:38

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160 comments

Mia Rigini
23:07 Oct 20, 2020

Hey Brooke! It's Mia! Im so happy to be talking to you again! Any way how have you been?

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19:41 Oct 21, 2020

Hi, Mia! It is so good to hear from you! I have been pretty good! How about you?

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Mia Rigini
17:54 Nov 02, 2020

I've been good, pretty busy with school.

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20:24 Nov 02, 2020

Same. That's why I haven't been as active as I normally am.

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Mia Rigini
21:52 Nov 02, 2020

Exactly!! Me too.

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Megan Sutherland
22:47 Oct 16, 2020

GASP OMG Brooke!! There better be a part two coming out, like, NOW. This was amazing! So smooth! The twists! *chef's kiss* beautiful. Truly amazing writing, I say. :D Your bestie, Megan S.

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22:52 Oct 16, 2020

Thank you so very much, Megan! It means a lot to me to hear this from you! Also, thank you for a suggestion of a part two! I have been wondering what sequels people want. So I will get a sequel out ASAHP!

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Megan Sutherland
23:15 Oct 16, 2020

Thank you!!! I'm going to try and get out a sequel a bunch of people wanted AND a new story.

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01:29 Oct 17, 2020

XD-|-< No problem! Sounds like you have your hands full!

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Megan Sutherland
02:31 Oct 17, 2020

haha, yeah!! and i have to go to a football game tmrw, then my friend and i are going to a Halloween thing with two other friends

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09:21 Oct 17, 2020

That sounds super fun!

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15:16 Oct 13, 2020

Great job, Brooke!!! THE TWIST THO!!

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19:25 Oct 13, 2020

Thank you so much, Kylie! XD

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21:29 Oct 13, 2020

Haha, I do that ALL THE TIME! I just press Ctrl + G and then I search up the original name so that I can replace it with the new one! You're welcome!

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21:29 Oct 13, 2020

😂😂😂

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21:32 Oct 13, 2020

:)-|-< OMIGOSH I JUST DISCOVERED I COULD DO THAT!!

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21:37 Oct 13, 2020

Oh, my gosh! That is awesome! :)-|-< Squee! (Dork Diaries reference. Have you read those books?)

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15:21 Oct 13, 2020

Also, one thing: “I’ll have coffee, please.” Fred smiled again (would he ever stop?) at the teen while she scribbled down the word coffee. I think you probably changed the name from Fred to Alan (I change my character's names a LOT) so that's one thing to fix! Great job! :)

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19:25 Oct 13, 2020

Oh, yeah. Thanks for pointing that out! Yeah, when I was almost done with the story, I switched Fred to Alan. XD

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Kylie Rudolf
22:28 Oct 21, 2020

The beginning is so funny! I love this story!

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23:25 Oct 22, 2020

Thanks so much!

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Ann Rapp
19:35 Oct 18, 2020

First, this is a great story, and one I think you should turn into a full length novel. Your characters are fascinating from the beginning, and you hook us readers as we wonder what their story is. The ending just threw me for a loop, and I wish I were rich enough to bribe you to write more! I hope you will. Your dialog tags are expertly handled for the most part, with no boring old "said" or "replied." The tags are invisible and you've cleverly included descriptions like "Sammy smiled brightly and used hand gestures." Well done.

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19:46 Oct 18, 2020

Thank you so very much, Ann! It means so much to me to hear this from you! Your feedback is greatly appreciated, especially with how skilled you are yourself. As for the idea of turning this into a full length novel, I will definitely consider once the one I am working on is finished.

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B. W.
00:19 Oct 18, 2020

I'm kind of freaking out about a couple of things, can we still talk?

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12:49 Oct 18, 2020

Um, sure.

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B. W.
14:21 Oct 18, 2020

do you know any good music that could help me?

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17:20 Oct 18, 2020

If you have access to Apple Music, YouTube, or Pandora, there are calming music playlists to soothe you.

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B. W.
17:28 Oct 18, 2020

alright

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Aveena Bordeaux
02:24 Oct 16, 2020

Wow the ending! I loved the way you wrote this and I felt completely immersed in the story and very in tune with Joy seeing as we share the same name. Lol this was great!

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19:13 Oct 16, 2020

Thanks so much! Haha!

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☆ Ariadne ☆
00:42 Oct 13, 2020

That ending SHOOK me. Gosh, this was SUCH a nice story with the BEST dark twist. I love it! How come Joy isn't really Joy, but knows all those answers? Or is he making all that up? Is Anne even real? And how did Anne die? Sorry about all the questions. I'm not confused or anything - the story is pretty clear. I was simply curious to know more of the backstory behind it. You obviously don't need to give me the answers since the entire backstory may or may not have been thought out. :) Keep writing! I can't wait for the next one!

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11:15 Oct 13, 2020

Thanks so much! Surprisingly enough (normally this doesn't happen), I have answers to those questions. Joy is a criminal who has been studying the real Freeman family for years. So, all of the things that she said is true. Anne is real--Joy may or may not have murdered her. Thanks again and keep writing yourself! -Brooke D. <3

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☆ Ariadne ☆
04:41 Oct 14, 2020

Ohhh that makes sense! Thanks! :)

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11:05 Oct 14, 2020

No problem! :)

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Megan Sutherland
01:33 Oct 22, 2020

Thank you so much for the mention in your bio as well, Brooke :D that means the world to me :)))

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10:57 Oct 22, 2020

You are so welcome! You totally deserve it! And thank you so much for adding me in yours!

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Megan Sutherland
20:51 Oct 22, 2020

Of course!

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Oki so hi! You asked for some information about Allpoetry so here I ammmm! Basically, it’s a really fun poetry site that’s kinda like Reedsy and not like reedsy. You advance levels by commenting, winning contests, following people, etc! You can start contests and award people points, and win contests and get points. It’s fun because there’s a lot to do: get points, enter contests (with poems), post mode poems, judge contests, and try to advance levels!

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19:41 Oct 21, 2020

Hi, Aerin! Thank you! This definitely will help me decide if I want to join. The only thing that is keeping me from joining AllPoetry is the fact that I might not have enough time for Reedsy, when I am already less active than I was before. But, again, thanks! See ya' around here! -Brooke D.

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22:09 Oct 21, 2020

Also, I absolutely love your bio. That's kind of rude to the down-voter, isn't it? Oh, well.

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B. W.
18:44 Oct 20, 2020

upvote spree?

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19:12 Oct 20, 2020

Sure.

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B. W.
19:25 Oct 20, 2020

alright thanks ^^ im trying to upvote as much as i can

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19:27 Oct 20, 2020

No problem! ^^ Thanks.

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B. W.
19:29 Oct 20, 2020

huh wait, what place on the leader board are ya?

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19:31 Oct 20, 2020

16, because when I left a whole bunch of people got up-voted and went way past me.

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19:22 Oct 20, 2020

I up-voted a few of our conversations.

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B. W.
00:18 Oct 20, 2020

Hola amiga ^^

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10:54 Oct 20, 2020

Hola.

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B. W.
15:20 Oct 20, 2020

how are ya?

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19:13 Oct 20, 2020

Bien. Como estas?

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B. W.
19:26 Oct 20, 2020

Hah- i still suck at spanish. Though your asking how i am right? I've been good, though i think i might have writers block

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19:27 Oct 20, 2020

XD Me, too! Yes, I said "Good. How are you?". Oh. That sucks.

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C.J 🤍
00:08 Oct 20, 2020

Please read my new story

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10:54 Oct 20, 2020

Okay.

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B. W.
17:04 Oct 16, 2020

Brooke :D could you check out my new story "a strange place" and then leave some feedback?

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19:12 Oct 16, 2020

Sure! :D

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B. W.
19:14 Oct 16, 2020

Thanks ^^ remember to leave feedback

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19:16 Oct 16, 2020

I will.

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B. W.
19:23 Oct 16, 2020

thanks ^^

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B. W.
01:04 Oct 16, 2020

I could use some help for something else

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19:13 Oct 16, 2020

Um, okay!

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B. W.
19:14 Oct 16, 2020

so ya know the new story i mentioned?

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19:16 Oct 16, 2020

That you wanted me to read here on Reedsy?

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B. W.
19:23 Oct 16, 2020

Yeah

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20:22 Oct 16, 2020

Sure. What's up?

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B. W.
19:18 Oct 14, 2020

i could still use some help if thats alright

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19:39 Oct 14, 2020

Sure! What is up?

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B. W.
19:50 Oct 14, 2020

Well it's still with my demi-god novel thing. I'm thinking if i should kill off one of the characters or at least a near death type thing, though i'm not sure if i should do it or not.

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19:51 Oct 14, 2020

Well, Aria's friend is most likely going to die. Who else were you thinking would pass away?

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B. W.
19:51 Oct 14, 2020

Well, i was thinking about the four main characters but i'm not sure if i should kill one of them or even who it should happen to.

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19:57 Oct 14, 2020

If I am to be completely honest, I don't think that you should kill of Arren, Harmony, Mika, or Ryder. I think that they are too important to the story to get rid of. Maybe while these four are trying to get the rest of the demi-gods freed, someone got a hold on one of the demi-gods and captures them again?

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B. W.
14:38 Oct 14, 2020

Oh boy, i'm so glad that you made a new story ^^ like all of the other stories you've done this is really great and i don't think that anything was really wrong with the story. though i LOVED that dark twist you did at the end of it, you did a great job with that as well. 10/10 :) also, what do you think of the weird update?

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19:40 Oct 14, 2020

Thanks so much! I don't know. I don't think I necessarily love it, but I don't hate it. Yet.

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B. W.
19:49 Oct 14, 2020

No problem ^^ well i think that it's just really strange at least

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23:11 Oct 13, 2020

Hellloooo! I noticed u saw my quiz, TYSM FOR DOING IT XD XD XD XD XD

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23:59 Oct 13, 2020

Hello! Yes, I did! Oh, no problem! :D

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whoa... What a twist! LOVED this. You should definitely write more stories like this! Just one thing. You wrote "Oh, how Joy hated young people ruined their appearances." Did you mean "Oh, how Joy hated it when young people ruined their appearances" or Oh, how Joy hated how young people ruined their appearances"? Great story. Keep writing, Brooke!

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11:13 Oct 13, 2020

Thanks so much! And yes, I did mean to write what you said. I will go fix it now. Thanks again and keep writing yourself! -Brooke D. <3

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