When You Were not A Stranger

I remember when we used to be so close to each other that I could feel your respiration on my neck, and I could feel your heart beating so fast. I remember that there was a time I could not like without you I felt like I had to talk with you day and night and if not, I would feel this horrible heart ache that would break me in to pieces as I saw how you were slowly leaving me. Every single time I hear your name it is like I am being forced to re watch every single memory I had with you over and over until I break down into tears. It is so shocking how life works, how even though once in our time together you told me every small detail about you and how I randomly remember your favorite color, or your favorite drink or even one of your deepest secrets. Now when I see you, I ignore you and try to avoid you by rushing out of wherever we both are. I have to pretend as if I am doing just fine with out you when there was a time you were my world. Now you are just a stranger with my memories and a piece of my shattered heart. I scroll through my camera roll seeing all of our pictures together knowing we will never take a photo together again. I watch so many goofy videos of you acting as if for one quick second everything is okay, and my world has not been taken away from me. Why am I always left alone and why do I always have to go through life leaving pieces of my heart to lovers who will eventually turn in to strangers from the past. If anyone were to see you and I walk past each other they would never realize that we were once something special something unbreakable or so I thought. You taught me so many things that are now stuck with me forever I now have new words added to my vocabulary that I most likely would have never spoken if I would have never met you. I would have never learned to cook all those recipes that we stayed up cooking together while listening to all of our favorite songs. I do miss having you be a part of my life, but we were both completely different people back then and although we would hurt each other so much while arguing sometimes I hope that when you hear my name you do not feel the pain I feel, I hope that when you hear my name you remember all the great things we did together. All the crazy places where we made love and all the new things, we learned from each other. Although I wish you the best and I know we both have to move on, but I cannot help hoping that you never forget me, and I really hope that I am not an easy person to get over because even though now we are strangers we created a beautiful love story to tell our grandchildren.  A story that will live in the back of our heads even when we are growing old with someone new. Just because I will remember you forever does not mean I will not get over you and start a new life because that is what we both deserve after all. If only you and I would have stayed as friends and never started this complicated relationship I can only think that we would not be strangers right now. That we would still have a chance to create new memories together and I would have never lost my best friend. We both made the mistake of falling in love and it was so obvious we were not meant to be together relationship wise because we would be so good at hanging out and trusting each other with our secrets and being able to feel comfortable but when it came to dealing with our relationship issues, they were always ignored, and we would end up hurting each other. Now I have one piece less of my already broken heart. One day I will be strong enough to get rid if all the letters you gave me and the stuffed animals you once gifted me. One day when I see you again I will not feel empty and the urge to kiss you one more time because I know that it is not normal for me to want to re live things with some random stranger, and although I did not choose to meet you I did choose to cut you out of my life , and that is exactly why it is so hard for me because it was my own decision. We were in like a cycle because you were a stranger at first and then we were lovers and now we went from lovers to once again strangers only this time the cycle has been broken because we will not become lovers again that Is the sad part about love you never know how you are going to end up it is a risk that most people are willing to take in order to hopefully find their true love even after having been hurt so many times. I wish I could still believe in love but when you have someone in your life for so long and you create your whole life with them in it and then one day, they just are not part of your life anymore it is so devastating and it is something that I did not plan on living through again. Call me a coward but I will not be taking the risk of falling in love and ending up with another stranger who once again takes a piece of my heart and leaves me with this horrible pain. I loved you with all my heart stranger until we meet again.