Unicorns, rabbits and dirty secrets

Max lay still and listened to the sounds of the sleeping house. Through the open window, a chorus of blackbirds welcomed in the new day. He raised his feet and kicked hard into the wooden slats of the top bunk.

Nothing.

He did it again and got a faint groan from its occupant.

“Danny! Are you awake?”

Danny, flipped back the unicorn duvet and leaned over the edge of the bunk, his hair sticking up in all directions.

"Well I am now, what d’ya do that for?”

“I can’t sleep. it’s light outside. what time is it?

“It’s too early . . . go back to sleep.”

“I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about what your mum said last night at the dinner table.”

“What, that if we eat our greens we’ll grow up to have hairy chests. I mean, who wants a hairy chest anyway? Gross. We’re not monkeys!”

“No, you idiot, not that—although a hairy chest is gross. She said, if things keep going well between her and my dad then we’ll all have to live together, all of the time. In one big house. That would make you and me stepbrothers . . . I’m not having that. You wait until my big brother gets back, he’ll put a stop to that, I can tell you.”

“Where is your brother again?”

“Can’t tell you that, he’s in the S.A.S, he’s on a secret mission. He told me, but he told me not to tell anyone.”

“Can’t be all that secret if he told you now can it.”

Danny jumped down, landing with a thud on the fluffy pink rug.

“And why don’t you want us all to live together? It might be fun, I’ve always wanted a brother. And this way I get two brothers and a baby sister.”

Max swung his legs out of the bed.

“Are you joking me? I know you had to sleep in my sister’s bed last night, but are you some sort of wuss? I reckon you liked having her unicorn duvet, you weirdo. Having a baby sister is rubbish. Having an older brother is cool though, especially one who’s in the marines. He-”

“Wait, what? the marines? You just said he was in the S.A.S?”

“Yeah, well, he’s in both, and he will kick your arse if we all live together. I’ll be sharing a bedroom with him and you’ll have to share with my sister. That way, me and him can stay up all night talking about cool stuff like guns and spies, and you girls can read The Wind in the Willows and paint your toenails before bed. You’ll be like her live-in babysitter.”

Danny drew back the curtains and flooded the bedroom with warm sunshine.

“Well, now you put it like that, maybe it’s not such a good idea after all.” He flicked a look at Max, then stared out at the garden.

Max continued.

“My big brother said your mum and my dad won’t last anyway. He said my dad only likes your mum because she’s dirty in bed, like a little rabbit.”

The blackbirds continued their song, exaggerating the boy’s silence.

“What does that even mean? A little rabbit. Does she dig holes in the sheets and poo raisins? No, I don’t think so, do you? What does your brother mean by that?”

He’s talking about sexing, dummy! Don’t you know anything? My big brother says your mum and my dad are sexing each other all the time, like dirty rabbits. That’s why they want to get a house together so they can sex in all the rooms. It’s gross and we have to stop it. I know everything about sexing, my brother told me . . . he’s even let me see his dirty books.”

Danny pulled on his jeans and a Spiderman t-shirt.

“What are his dirty books about, then?”

Max laughed and pulled on his Spiderman t-shirt and jeans.

“You really don’t have a clue, do you? They have all sorts of dirty things in them.”

“Like what?”

“You know . . . Like, well like, rude stuff.”

“Like what?”

Danny folded his arms. Max rummaged around under the bed looking for his socks, keeping his head down.

“Like what?”

“Like . . . Like . . . Like urm, like boobies. Yeah, it’s a book full of boobies. And dirty sexy stuff.”

“And you’ve seen in this book, have you? He’s actually let you, his ten-year-old brother, look in his dirty book?”

“Well, yeah, he said I can look when he gets back from his mission.”

“His secret mission?”

Danny stared at Max as he pulled on his socks.

“God, I wish I had a big brother like you’ve got.”

The boys raced through the silent house and down the stairs, grabbing a handful of cornflakes each as they shot through the kitchen and into the garden.

“I’ll race you to the beech tree.” Danny said, spraying Max with bits of cornflake.

They sprinted towards the tree, pulling and tugging at each other for pole position, its huge canopy beckoning them up.

Sitting in the upper branches the tree cradled the boys as if they were still on the ground. Tugging at his pocket, Danny produced two chocolate bars. He held one out.

“Kit-Kat? sorry, they’re a bit melted.”

“It’s ok . . . my big brother normally brings me loads of chocolate back, and other stuff . . . he brought me a gun back once.”

Danny spat his chocolate out and they watched it disappear down through the branches.

“He gave you a real gun? No way, that’s so cool.”

“Well, it was a real gun, but he had to smuggle it through the airport so he took out all the bullets.”

They sat in silence and watched as a pigeon took flight from its nest in the branches below them.

Danny looked back at the sleeping house.

“I want our parents to get together . . . I like having a bigger family.”

Max fiddled with a leaf then ripped it off and watched it drift down to earth.

“Sounds like we both want to change the situation, but want completely different things.”

Danny, paused his descent, looking back at Max.

“Yeah sounds that way. I’m going to be really good to your dad. I really like him. And I like your baby sister . . . apart from her crappy taste in duvet covers.”

Max slid down after Danny and they both hit the floor at the same time.

“Well, me and my big brother are going to put a stop to it . . . as soon as he gets back.”

“When is he getting back?”

Max picked at a piece of bark on the tree.

“Truth is, I don’t really know, it’s-”

“Let me guess, it’s a secret!”

“Yeah, it’s a secret . . . well, sort of . . . you see I haven’t heard from him for months. And, well, whenever I ask dad about him, he looks away and changes the subject. It feels like there might be something wrong . . . What if he’s. . .”

Max wiped his nose on his arm. The two boys stood for a moment, a warm breeze wrapped itself around them then nudged its way through the branches above.

“Idiot!” Said Danny. “He’s an S.A.S-marine, there’s no way he’s . . . I’m sure he’s ok.”

Max started to grin, so Danny continued.

“Looks like you'll just have to make do with your future stepbrother for now."

Max’s smile widened. He pushed Danny back, laughing, and sprinted off up the garden. He turned and looked over his shoulder.

“Looks like it, you wuss!"

 "I’ll race ya! Last one backs a dirty rabbit!”