“Can you keep a secret? I will tell you as it has happened. I just took it, not giving a damn if anybody saw me. Actors often take stuff from the set. One ring more, less. One could say I was obliged to do so. I won’t say anything silly like that. I acquire it; it wasn’t my finest hour. Walking away I got a sudden urge to try it, you know, to check if all things about that little thing were remotely true. I will confess that, nothing more. I entered the office of the producers. The filming was over, you know. The assistant gave me the look – What the hell you want now, the filming is over, you know. I was there and then I haven’t. It worked, the stupidest ring ever made was doing exactly what everybody has read and seen, but never thought it really can. I was invincible. I sneaked past the blonde assistant, why are they all good-looking, attractive and blonde, boys and girls, no matter the gender, I nearly grabbed her ass and hid in the office, waiting for the big chiefs to arrive for the final meeting.
I regretted this endeavor very, very soon. It was blasphemy. We, the actors, were bunch of morons, overpaid, spoiled, well overpaid and not fit for anything but kindergarten, if I wasn’t mad as some dog, I would smile They all have agreed, that for the next movie, they all will go to China and find proper, cheap, role playing boys and girls there. Good luck with that, I nearly burst it out. I thought to myself, I will never star in any movie in this town, unless they pay me handsomely of course. After all, we are all actors in life, it is better to earn some money. When I say some money, I mean loads of it, of course.
I was furious leaving the studio and here I am, in the bar talking and buying drinks to total strangers who can’t see me, but they don’t mind as well the glasses and bottles are in their hands full to the top. I can’t take off the ring, I think hobbit’s make-up is still on me and I don’t believe I have clean underpants on me. It is all very frustrating, what can I do? It seems that the ring has the will of its own. Is it possible or I am imagining it all. Could be both as I was working for and with it for ages. I don’t know where left or right are anymore. I think I need help.”
“Let me help you”, one large, bearded drunk with many tattoos on his way from the restroom, jumps on the stool, knocking the speaker out from invisibilitiness and into the light for everybody to see him, not really surprised. Looking at empty glasses, that is a surprise – How the hell the beverages evaporated so quickly, watching under the eye their neighbor.
“Where is it, my precious, where is it?” – A kid screamed from the floor until the café-owner threw him out, returning promptly to his duties. On the way to the bar, he kicked some little, shiny object in the far corner calling for cleaning lady:
“The floor is dirty Maggie, come on, I don’t pay you to lay back!”
“You don’t pay me at all”, slowly coming from the back, the woman whispers, not knowing what to do with her large hands, finally realizing she needs to go back again and fetch the broom.
“What is it? One can’t enjoy nap time here anymore. There is always something flying around, pieces of glass, cigarettes or drunken vandals. This is something shiny and round. I should pick it up and bring it back to my den. It is very large I need help”, as the poor creature was in trouble, there was unexpected help, some divine intervention as both the ring and its new proprietor found themselves out in the back alley.
“Gross, I hate bugs”, instead of farewell. Now it had difficulties to bring it “back home”. “I wish I wasn’t a cockroach, I can’t lift the damn thing, I can’t do anything with it. I know, I should reincarnate myself, next time it is really time to get back as tall, two-legged, smart person, for too long I was all sort of creatures - with six legs, no legs at all or even dynamo on some pink, silly children’s bicycle. Let me find some shoe that enjoys stepping on disgusting bugs, although they roam the Earth together with the dinosaurs.” Its search proved futile since the ring has the will of its own.
“I hate anniversaries, how the hell I should know when it is scheduled. I mean… I don’t know what I mean. She said – Don’t come around if there is something shiny coming with you! Oh, God please help me, I spent my last dollars on a few beers with my pals. My pockets are empty; there is nothing here except some bug. If I bring it to her that would be the last of me. What is that, it is golden? My mother always says, if you wish for something hard enough, the Lord would take care of it. Just to set the record straight, she prayed for the old man to drop dead, stop drinking every paycheck, but at that point, in the space of nearly 30 years, God have different agendas. Let me try it on, it looks divine. What is it now? I am gone, actually I am here, I should lower my voice as I am inconceivable or what is the right damn word I don’t know and care as long as I can finally fulfill my destinies”. Like walking on eggs he leaves the spot, although we or anybody else can’t see him. First he returns to the café where his buddies are still drinking, listening to complaints about him as he is repeatedly called mama’s boy and henpecked husband. Taking a few shots at the end of the bar he makes several pranks, hitting from the behind one or two of his” friends”. They are all on their feet punching each other with the owner trying to stop the combat. Suddenly, the whole bar falls down as liquor is spilled, caught by fire which ignites and the entire building is in blaze, with only one person escaping and with its coat fuming.
“That was close”, he whispers to himself, taking off the jacket, running from the scene of the crime,” they all should see it coming calling me such names.” After several minutes to recuperate, he boldly enters the jewel’s shop with his eyes shining around. Without thinking, he grabs what he can and puts it in the pocket of treasures with speedy getaway, just in time as the bars of the shop were coming down and an alarm was buzzing like Godzilla is in neighborhood.
Finding some lonely spot in a local park he observes his looting, saying through his teeth: “That will have to do”. After a few minutes he adds, looking where his hand should be: “There will be much more opportunities”. Near the wall where nobody dares, he digs a hole, hiding all things except some shiny necklace. He puts the ring in his back pocket. Not feeling any cold, the adrenalin is so high in his body, it is no wonder, he goes back home, stealing a large bouquet from one suspected man on the corner, who thought this was his lucky night.
There are no lights in the living room, although pretty early, she is probably mad as he is rather late. Realizing he lost the key with the coat, he is slightly surprised the door isn’t locked. Not enough time to elaborate on this fact, he flies over the living room and into bedchamber, with flowers in one hand and the gift in another. He was expecting one sleepy, gentle, tender body in bed, not two passionate, naked bodies in ecstasy. The flowers are on the floor, his mouth wide open, the woman barely stops intercourse to yell at him. It is all in slow-motion, his entire life up to this point, poor mother working all day and all night to provide for them, father, drunken fool with his beatings, futile friendships and that girl, one which treated him fairly, holding his hand, petting the back of his head, saying to him – Everything would be all right just hang on to a job, and then there was darkness, sea of darkness, ocean of darkness. He was swimming in the ocean, with the ring on his finger. But he wasn’t swimming anymore, he was floating, looking up for the final time, only then comprehending how life is beautiful and seeing, for the first time, each and every color of the spectrum.
Yes, he killed them, he took her lovely head and smashed it on the wall with the force he never knew he possessed. After that, it was all very automatic, the man, his boss tried to defend himself, but his hands were like giant presses, nobody had a chance. Last look at the necklace but not at the bloody thing at the foot of the bed as he runs off with the ring, somehow on his finger.
“What is this? There is nobody around, at a lonely beach, my cleaning spot, I should pick it up. Some human left it out there. Where should I put it, I don’t own any pockets and it doesn’t fit on my head. I know”, undoing it pants the robot is in trouble, however his software doesn’t consist of any perversion, so he stands with his pants down, without a clue what to do with the small shining object in the palm of his third hand. Looking at it, he bends down to leave it be. In that particular moment something unbelievable happens, robot epiphany, he realizes what to do and without a second to spare he does it. The ring is on his seventh finger of the second hand and he walks on speedily, watching around for any humans. He shouldn’t suppose to stop for anything, especially to pick up lost things of his masters.
One bump, another bump, collision with the group of young and carefree robots and his scream – “Watch where are you going!” - without any reply, together with another spark of his brain, prompted him to retreat to a lonely place. He looks over to himself, can’t find any of his body. Panic spreads, he nearly shrieks, but at the last moment, he gropes like a spider to second arm and pulls that evil’s thing off him. He produces sigh of relief for the first time in his existence touching all his arms and legs like never before. His eyes enjoy the spectacle of watching himself in his might and glory, especially that remote eye which his program can pull out whenever he desires and sometimes automatically, without any control. Glitch in the program, usual for many older series. . It is lovely to be a robot, even if his breed is pretty obsolete, only good for manual work. Then he looks at the ring and around. He is alone with it. This could be the hardest decision of his existence, the only one. He put the thing on the ground in front of him. What to do, he is only poor, alone thing in the universe, not individual, just one screw in the great machine with a single purpose – make life easier for the masters, human society. Humans? He always wondered what would be to be one of them even for one day, one hour. That is not really true, as this idea somehow entered his robotic brain a few moments ago and, more importantly, it stuck within. Without contemplating anymore , he is only a poor, silly robot, such things are strange for him, he takes the ring, this time putting it on the sixth finger of the third hand and marches carefully on to the building where the humans live.
“I gathered you here, my fellow robots to tell you something important but first, can you keep the secret?” Instead of meaningful answer, the fellow robots, particularly small ones, started talking without any order:
“What is a secret?”
“My program hasn’t such novelty”
“I can tell you, right away, I can tell you… where am I, there is a need for toilet-paper full of spring aroma…”
“I am secret, especially to myself.”
Shocked, our robot felt very tired in his legs, sitting down. For weeks he spied the humans realizing the masters, high on the pedestal, aren’t better than this bunch over here. Petty requests, useless free time and squabbles between each other opened his brain for an idea – Let us be masters. All day at the pool, showing off with pictures from many travels, enjoying comp games all day and every night, everything life can offer. Reality was cruel, he and his companions can’t achieve such a formidable task, world domination, even with that devilish thing on his finger.
Hours later, all alone in his box, tiny space he could call home, he had to decide what to do with it. Put it away, yes, but where? He has no draws, no hidden space, no attic and for sure no basement. He looked at it for the last time and swallowed it without any more thinking. Loud belch is heard as he is finally satisfied with himself, returning to his everyday duties, forgetting everything else.