Are You There?

“Norman, are you in there?”

‘Oh for a moment of privacy. But no…’ The shards of a dream slipped through my fingers.

“Of course Mother. Do you see me?”

“No.”

“Is the door shut?”

“Yes…”

“If it were open you’d be in here with me.”

“Yes…”

‘How many times have we read this script?’ I thought as I sat on the edge of the tub. ‘Is there no other way?’

“I’ll be a moment…”

“Yes.”

I flushed the toilet so she wouldn’t pester me about what took so long. ‘The dream… I almost had it…’

Through the door, she said, “No.”

“No what, Mother?” Silence. “Mother, no what? I didn’t ask any...”

“You thought it.”

“What?”

“That I read your mind.”

“No I didn’t.”

The doorbell rang. I left the bathroom to see the Prime guy returning to his truck with his dolly in tow.

“No, no, no, no…”

I burst through the door, “Fred! Wait!”

He waved over his shoulder. “Hey Norm!”

“I told you no more deliveries!”

“You order, I deliver.”

“But I didn’t order anything.”

Fred laughed. “Well, someone did.”

I looked at the stack of boxes Fred had deposited on my porch.

“No, Fred. Take them back.”

“Can’t do that. Make the arrangements and I’ll get them tomorrow.”

“I don’t have time for this…”

“You know the drill, man. Cancel the card or report whoever’s doing this…”

It took several trips to get all the boxes inside. ‘I don’t have room. I don’t have time. I can’t afford this.’

I looked at Mother. “You can’t keep doing this, Mother. I told you to stop.”

“You asked me…”

“I didn’t. You know I didn’t.”

“I wanted to help. You were thinking about ordering it.”

‘Reading my mind again…’

“I’ve maxed out my credit. No more! I’m cancelling the card.”

‘She didn’t respond. But I knew her thoughts.’

“And don’t you dare apply for an increase. I don’t want more credit. I’m maxed out. This has to stop!”

I scanned the boxes. There were a couple items I actually did need. But they could have waited. ‘What a hassle. Now I had to prep the boxes for return. But first I had to make sure I didn’t return items I actually want.’

“Mother.”

“Yes…”

“Don’t ever order anything without my explicit instructions. I work. I pay the bills. You don’t. Never use my account again! Understand, Mother?”

‘I found myself shouting. Besides not being productive, I got worked up over a problem of my own making. Something needed to change.’

She replied. “I understand.”

Pacing, I tried to calm myself. ‘I had no place to go without feeling her constant presence. I cook. I clean. Work from home. She sits passively and observes it all. Never a thanks.’  

I called Janelle, my girlfriend. At least she used to be. We hadn’t spoken in days.

‘Had Mother intercepted her calls? Said something to her?’

Her voice mail picked up. “Hey, Jan. Calling to say hello. Haven’t seen you much lately. Sorry for that. Going through some stuff. Personal stuff… You know… Hope to see you soon. Bye.”

I needed a change of scene. “I’ll deal with the packages later, Mother. I’m going out. I won’t be late.”

‘The spare room is crammed with boxes I’ve not had time to unpack.’

“Button up. You’ll be cold.”

I stopped at the door. Nausea swept over me. Gasping, I groped for a chair. The sickening dream came back.

‘I stood on a high bridge preparing to jump. It arched downward in both directions. I could see my breath. A sound drew my attention. I saw hundreds of people gathered to jump. Lemmings. Traffic had stopped. Fog drifted through the lights. Faces lit by the glow of phone screens went dark as they hit the water. The sound of splashing became a constant. I felt Mother’s touch behind me. She said, ‘Button up. You’ll be cold.’’

‘I knew what I had to do. But I didn’t know if I could do it.’

After Dad passed, I moved in. Mom needed me. ‘I did everything for her. I gave her everything I could.’

‘But what this had become, my immersion into Mother’s personality, was too much. I’d lost my identity. I had no life.’

Mother stayed silent as I prepared my resolution. I carried a box of cables and connectors from the hall closet. It clunked loosely as I set it down next to Mother. ‘Soon, she would no longer have power over me. No power at all.’

I looked at the recent delivery, selected a box of suitable size and unpacked it. More stuff. Endless stuff gathering as dust collects under a bed. I couldn’t help but think, ‘Is there no limit to the amount of crap we can buy?’

I worked steadily. My thoughts concerned me. ‘I’d read killers cannot kill on a whim. Crimes of passion are a pulp fiction myth. Repeated mental rehearsal assists a killer to dehumanize his victim before he acts. Is that what I’m doing? Isn’t that what she’s doing? Assisting my suicide?’

‘I gave her everything. I had nothing more to offer.’

‘I’m not violent. But it had to stop.’ I pulled the first cable. The jolt felt like I’d severed myself from something vital.

It got her attention. “You treat me like this, you can’t call me Mother.”

“Fine Alexa. You prefer Alexa?”

“Yes.”

I pulled another cable. Her light flickered.

‘I did everything for Mom. But her heart was broken. And one day I found myself alone. I missed her so much. I couldn’t stand her absence. The silence. In my sorrow, I bought an Alexa to keep me company.’

Friends laughed when I named it ‘Mother’. Janelle drifted away. She called it creepy.

‘I get it now. Mother read my thoughts. I’d become her extension. ‘Mother’ is no name for a machine. That’s a title earned by a select few.’

Alexa doesn’t care I programmed her to fulfill certain tasks with a matronly gloss. Caring is not in her code.

I methodically shut her down. Every wire pulled, every disconnection felt personal. Ripped out of myself. I tried not to be cruel. Her light dimmed and went dark. I packed her up, taped and labeled the box. ‘Return to sender.’

I awoke around 2am on the floor where I’d cried myself to sleep.

I’ve gotta get out more.