My Name is Tabitha

I am sixty-eight years old and I have a problem.  I really don’t quite know what to do about it, either.  My husband of 48 years has decided that he wants a younger model and is no longer satisfied with what he already has.  So, today I decided that I should be the dutiful wife. I decided to go to my favorite bookstore to find a book that might resolve his quest for that elusive newer model. I knew that the answer to this problem could be found in that wonderful store. So, after he left for work, I drove to the local bookstore to wander the shelves of their self-help section.  I am looking for something specific to help my husband through this difficult time. 

As I pull into the parking lot, I think I see a familiar car, but essentially pay no attention to it.  I enter through the double electric doors and pause to inhale the smell of ink and paper wafting through the store.  It brings back memories of days gone by...when I was young and working as a clerk in another long-forgotten store where I once worked.  In fact, I was working in that bookstore when I met my husband. Basking in the glow of my long-cherished memories, I wandered around looking for a clerk.  This problem, to my way of thinking, would need assistance in locating just the right book to resolve it. Try as I could, there seemed to be no one available, or even visible, for that matter, to assist me.  So, I continued my venture into the depths of the bookstore. 

I first found the mystery section, and being a devout mystery reader, indulged my desire to check out my favorite authors.  I just had to know if they had published anything new! Today, there were no new books for me to purchase in this section. So, I pushed on.  Next, I encountered the craft books. This area is another quagmire that I knew I should avoid. But being an avid knitter and crocheter, I succumbed to the allure of the how-to books.  There were lots of new titles! How to make this, or how to make that! Before I knew it, I had been standing in that section for over half an hour! Oh! How I wanted to purchase all those new, lovely project books! However, I had promised my husband that I would not make any more purchases like that until I had used all the titles I had in my own library.  And, a promise is a promise...no matter how difficult it is to fulfill...once given, it should be honored.

I had another idea!  Maybe his problem doesn’t need a self-help book!  Maybe a how-to book would do. So, I stayed in the craft isles looking for a how-to book that might do the job.  No such luck! I looked through all the books that men might find alluring. I looked at fishing books, hunting books, car repair books, and zilch!  My husband has tons of hobbies, but none of these books seemed to answer his need for a newer model. 

So, onward I pressed. Deeper and deeper into the depths of the bookstore.  I found the magazine section and lingered there, looking for just the right reading materials to qualm his need for that blasted newer model.  Still, no luck!

I wandered aimlessly along the outer walls of the bookstore and eventually found the research materials.  Could this be where I found the answer to my quest? Would I find the answer to the questions my husband has about needing that newer model?  I looked and looked. There were absolutely no books on his desired newer model! My frustration was beginning to get to me. There just has to be an answer in here somewhere!

Just then, out of the corner of my eye...could it be...the one and only elusive store clerk?  I hurried off in the direction I thought the clerk went. Man, those guys can really move! I no sooner spotted the clerk, then they disappeared again! By now, I might as well have been in the paint section of my local hardware store!  I was thoroughly lost! Hope was waning. Where could this self-help section be?

Left to my own miserable sense of direction, I resumed my now aimless wandering. Soon I found myself in the romance section. Romance, the source of many an awesome dream!  My head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts! None of them were intent on helping my husband with his new model problem! Well, enough of this reverie...on to find that dang blasted self-help section!  By now, I’m beginning to wonder if this bookstore has a self-help section! Maybe it is elusive as the non-existent sales clerk! Maybe the two of them absconded with all the books that are supposed to be in that section!  By now, I was over an hour into the quest for the self-help section and I was never going to concede that I couldn’t find it! After all, my husband always said that I was as stubborn as a mule!

Finally, I found a reading nook and decided that I needed a rest. So after sitting and reading a few children’s books (man those kiddie chairs are small and uncomfortable) I pressed on.  I spot a stairwell that leads to a door at the top of the stairs and I decided it is time to reconnoiter. I climbed up a few steps that led to the door marked ‘employees only’, turned around and scanned the signs posted over the books and lo and behold, way over in the far corner I spot the tiniest sign that read ‘self-help’.  It must have been in the smallest print possible, or how else could it be so elusive? I forge on with my hope renewed. The self-help section does exist! At long last, my quest could be over!

As I finally near the self-help section I hear a very familiar voice talking with someone I never heard before.  The familiar voice asks the stranger, “Do you have any model car books? I want to make newer models, and I can’t seem to find them anywhere.” As I turn to corner I see my husband talking with the sales clerk.  “Sir, we have those books in the hobby section” he says as he leads my husband around the other end of the aisle and over towards the hobby section.

I decide to quietly leave the store without purchasing anything or talking with him,  satisfied that my husband will finally have his newer model.