You'll Never Walk Alone

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE! PROCEDE WITH CAUTION!

Jameson was in his elegant, simple room in his Uncle’s Vermont mansion. It was midnight and he was looking out his large window, wondering why he couldn’t sleep.

He knew why he couldn’t, but he was once again trying to ignore the feeling. It was becoming harder and harder. He constantly felt intense anxiety in the middle of the night. It all started when both his parents and his 3 brothers died 10 months ago. As he was looking out his window he replayed, once again, that night. 

Grayson, Tedros, Kai, Mom, Dad, and Jameson were all sitting in their humble home’s living room watching their favorite show, The Flash. They had pizza for dinner, like they did every Friday night, Little Caesars of course. It was peaceful and fun until the doorbell rang. They all thought it was the cookies they ordered from Crumbl Cookies, but when his father opened the door, they were all surprised.

A large, burly man entered the room, pointing his gun at everyone telling them to put their hands in the air. This was a surprise since their neighborhood was a gated community, so you didn’t get in unless you lived there or were invited. Everyone was surprised, they all put their hands up. The man then tied them all up and called in his associates and they started rummaging through their house, taking anything of value.

Then, the worst thing possible happened. One of the men killed Jameson’s mother and father. This wasn’t just a robbery, it was murder or murders. There were plenty of people who didn't like his family, for reasons Jameson couldn’t fathom. They were all likeable people, but he guessed it was because they had a nice fortune. After the parents were put in body bags and put in the men’s van they lined the boys in age order, Kai (18), Grayson (17), Tedros (16), and lastly Jameson (15). Then everything went dark. 

When Jameson woke up he had a pounding headache, he felt his head, then his hand and saw blood. Then, Jameson remembered what had just happened, his parents dead.

He called out his brother's name, a voice he didn’t recognize responded “Their dead son, your whole family's dead, the only reason you're alive is hostage reasons for the police and the rest of your rich family."

Jameson then looked left and saw 5 body bags, for his 5 family members. He remembered memories with Grayson, Tedros, and Kai. they had always been close, all born a year after each other, they had a strong bond. Jameson started sobbing, he didn’t know what to do. 

This was when he experienced his first anxiety attack, it was the worst feeling in the world. It felt like he was going to die, he was losing control of himself, having chest pains, and feeling like he was choking, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The men started laughing at him, he wondered how stupid he looked. Then, one punched him right in the face and once again, everything went dark. 

He woke in a hospital bed with a cast on his left leg and arm. “How badly did those men beat him?” he thought.

Then he wondered how he got here. “They must have been apprehended!” he thought.

He called for a nurse, anyone who could help him. A nurse and police man walked into his room, and once they saw he was truly awake, started talking.

The nurse was checking his vitals and the policeman said “How you doing kiddo, that was quite a beating you got there. I have some bad news for you, As you probably already know your family has unfortunately passed. We luckily found the men that killed them, and got you out of there and to a hospital immediately. You’ll be able to get out of here soon, a week or so, just for health and mental reasons. I bet you’re probably in a lot of shock and pain, so I’ll send in someone to answer any questions about where you’ll go knowing that your family is no longer to take care of you.”

All Jameson could do was nod and half smile, he couldn’t manage a full one at the moment, he wondered if he would be able to ever again. In walked a kind looking woman, late 40’s by the looks of it.

In a kind tone she said “I know you probably just want to rest Jameson, but I have a little information to share with you. Fortunately it’s good news, you won’t be going to an orphanage, you’ll be staying with your mother’s brother, your uncle.”

Jameson thought “Good news? I hate my uncle. He's a selfish jerk who makes or made my mother sad constantly.”

The woman kept talking “You’ll go to his house in Vermont in one week, he already said that he’ll pay for any counseling that you may need."

“Counseling? My uncle being nice? Showing sympathy? That’s surprising!?” Jameson thought.

“If you have any questions please ask them now, and my name is Ms. Viotto. So any questions?”

“Not at the moment, but thank you,” Jameson said. “Okay sweetie, I really hope things start looking up for you real soon.” Ms. Viotto said. 

Things had started to look up. His uncle was nicer than he remembered and the new fancy private school he attended now was very prestigious. He was on the basketball and hip hop dance team. His ankle and arm healed fast, and he was feeling good, physically at least.

He attended counseling like Ms. Viotto suggested and it really helped him to get his feelings out. Yet besides all that he still had this empty feeling inside, he felt so lonely despite being loved by his uncle, aunt, and numerous cousins. He constantly felt the need for his brothers. He thought like he would do anything to have even just 1 more minute with each of them, just to tell them how much he loves them, and will never forget all the wonderful memories he has of them. 

He thought of this one time with Kai, 2 years ago, when they were solving a mystery together just for fun. It ended well and they solved the mystery in almost no time, but during that time he really bonded even more with Kai. Kai told him his interests and intentions for the future, they wrestled in a brotherly way, and just had fun.

Then he remembered a time with Grayson, when they visited Athens, Greece. They both had always been fond of Greek Mythology, Jameson’s favorite god was Apollo and Grayson’s was Eros.

Then, this one time with Tedros, they took fencing lessons together. His brothers and him always had a great relationship, and without them he felt lost.

Then, his parents of course he missed. They were always so supportive in anything any of his brothers and him did. He had many great memories with them too.

He remembered this one time with his dad, when he took him to six flags when Jameson was feeling really down after not making the volleyball team. They rode all the intense and high-speed rides, and then ate a bunch of delicious food on the ride home.

A few weeks after that, his mother took him to Barnes and Nobles since Jameson had always loved reading, and let him pick out a couple books to buy just for fun.

His parents were always so kind and nurturing and he will always remember the simple moments with them that make him who he is. 

He got up from his spot on the windowsill and got a book of quotes about brotherhood and read “Half the time brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug.”- James Patterson.

Jameson remembered so many times when he and his brothers wrestled, it’s not like they didn’t hug randomly anyways, but wrestling was just another reason to hang out and hug. Jameson put the book back on his shelf, and went back to the windowsill to watch the sunrise.

Tomorrow was Monday, which meant going back to school after the too short weekend. As Jameson watched the sunrise he let his mind go blank and peacefully watched the yellow and orange.

At 6:00 am Jameson woke up, ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, changed into his school uniform, and finished getting ready for school. He hopped in his black and red 2019 Chevrolet Camaro, he waited for his cousin Emiko-Jean to hop in the drivers side, then drove silently to school.

When they got there Jameson said bye to Emiko and headed to his first class AP Language Arts. Jameson went silently through the day, following his regular routine and routes waiting to go to basketball practice.

At 2:40 he headed to the gym and changed into his practice clothes, then started warming up. Basketball was one of the few things that made him forget all his worries, he kept his grades all A’s to stay on the team. Basketball offered him an escape route, along with acting and reading. When he played he felt all his focus go to the ball and the net, focusing on the team and making the baskets. During practice, he had nothing to worry about, it was one of the only times he felt free…

When practice ended and Jameson was home he did his homework and then sat on his window ledge again. Then, after he thought for a little while he went to his desk and got a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote:

Dear people,

I don’t know who will read this but this cannot be a surprise, I cannot go on. My whole life is in pieces. My brothers and parents are gone, the only thing left in this world for me is basketball, and that’s not enough. This is not a surprise for anyone reading this, my death shouldn’t affect anyone greatly and it shouldn’t make anyone as sad as I am right now. I am so sorry.

Jameson

Then, he went to the kitchen and laid the note on the counter, and then got the smallest knife that was sharp.

He went to the alley behind the local grocery store, 5 minutes from his house, brought the knife to his neck and sliced.

He felt the pain, sharp and agonizing, he didn’t know his surroundings anymore, he felt himself fall and his thought was a quote he once read by Norman Cousins “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive.” Everything inside Jameson felt dead, which is why when he fell he for the first time in a while, felt alive. Then, everything went dark. 

It was said that Jameson was told constantly after the death of his family that he would never walk alone, but then again I guess he didn’t believe it.

Jameson said in his note that no one would care that he was gone, which was one of the greatest lies ever told. He became famous after his death, people world-wide found themselves trying to save the lives of the morally gray or depressed.

Jameson was missed by a lot of people, but most of all his uncle. Jameson knew that he and his uncle weren’t perfectly buddy-buddy, as such he thought his uncle wouldn’t miss him at all, but his uncle believed that Jameson deserved a good long life after all the tragedy he went through.

His uncle blames himself constantly for his death, and he always told Jameson that he would never walk alone, but apparently Jameson thought that he would always walk alone, so what was the point to go on.

Jameson had many reasons to go on, but apparently he felt like his only option was death, it was his last resort. Many people think that suicide is their last choice, if Jameson only remembered that someone in the world always would love him, at least one person if not more. Jameson would have never walked alone, and he still doesn't, even in death.