In a moment

People often wonder if “love at first sight” is true or if it takes longer for a person to fall in love. Do we one day look at the person differently or had we been intrigued by their looks and personality for so long it had progressed to something more? We could ponder such things and argue into eternity and still not know the truth, but one thing is for certain: We don’t choose who we fall in love with. We don't. It could start by noticing subtle things about them. We 

wonder what they are doing at an exact moment or who their thinking about. We study them like an

entomologist studies a newly discovered insect under a microscope, examining its complexity and 

beauty. We marvel at how such a person could exist and how perfect they seem doing even the 

simplest tasks. A glow of purity and mystery surround them and as the curious creatures we are, we 

explore. We yearn to develop a relationship with them, learn about how they see the world and 

want more than anything their returned affection. Digging beneath the surface to discover the 

darkness that lurks beneath even the happiest person. The twisted mind and thoughts that could only be contemplated during the night hours. Once we win the person over it would seem like smooth sailing from there but I’m here to tell a different story. A story that fairy tales don’t want you 

to see, the story after “and they lived happily ever after…” because in reality love hurts like a bitch. 

Hitting you like a tonne of bricks and you end up on your bathroom floor crying at 3am, screaming at 

yourself for lettings things fall apart and asking yourself where it all went wrong. That’s what love 

does to you. Real love hurts you so bad you don’t know if you’ll ever love again. February 14. Valentine’s Day, I know, how ironic right? I was already up before him and I came in to see him getting ready for work. He looked amazing in his suit and tie, and that half-smile that still took my breath away. I still wondered why he had chosen me, what could he see in me that I couldn’t? Within a matter of minutes, I received a quick kiss and he was out the door. Matthew Teller. The man I knew I spend the rest of my life with, the one that had stayed by my 

side through my battles and picked me up when I so low I didn’t think I could return. My hero, my other half, soul mate even. I knew that tonight would be the night of the proposal. Or so I thought. If only my parents were still alive to witness it. Government housing was my 'home away from home. I met Matthew when I went to university and like I said still don’t know if it was love at first sight but I knew he was going to be important to me. Now it had finally come to this shining moment. Work was a blur but I managed to slip out early and venture home to get ready. Matt 

had stood in the doorway with an expression of awe. His compliments still sent a rush of butterflies to my stomach and flushed my cheeks red. How did he still manage to make me feel this way? The dinner went beautifully, exactly how I imagined it. The low lit lighting and view over the sea created a pure buzz in the air, the dark blue waves rolling and tumbling onto the shore, the violin and piano playing in the background. What more could I ask for? Taking a hold of my 

hands he looked into my eyes and uttered five words I’ll never forget: I can’t do this anymore. 

What… Couldn’t do this? My plans of a life together dashed against rocks. He began to explain how we had become distant and I wasn’t the same as I was when we started the relationship. We were on different walks of life and wanted completely different things.

Throughout his speech I could only think that someone else was involved and this whole dinner was 

to soften the blow. Or maybe i had been sleep walking through it all dreaming of future moments without living in the present. I couldn't tell. When I could finally look at him sitting across from me, he had changed

dramatically. He looked cheap and imperfect, a stranger. His words were meaningless. Sickness filled my stomach and I had to grip the table for support. How could he do this? Or was this my stupidity that imagined something that wasn’t there? I just had question after question that I wanted to ask but my heart was beating rapidly and my mind 

whirled. I wanted to pour my heart out ask him what I did wrong, how could I fix it? Relationships are built on communications right? Had he been trying to warn me he was leaving? All I could do was sit and cry, emotions poured out in volumes, I tasted the salty tears that I hadn't touched my face in years. I wanted to fix it, to go back and undo an action or pay closer attention to what he was saying but it was too late now. It was done.

Days went by, negotiations were made and he moved everything out. He left me the house, empty and cold with no love to warm it.

He didn't even look me in the eye as he got into his car and pulled out of the driveway for the last time. Sleeping was the only thing to subdue the pain just for a moment. I couldn’t overthink things when I was sleeping. I was at peace and everything was alright just for a moment. All I want to 

do is warn you, don’t think that anything is permanent because it isn’t. In a moment someone you love will decide they don’t love you anymore and don’t need you in their lives and they’ll leave. I warn you friend, be on your guard and take care of yourself. Because in the end you only have 

yourself. When you’re at your lowest point allow others to help you up but help yourself as well. 

Enjoy moments and cherish the small things in life. Stay clear of negativity because life is full of moments and it’s up to choose how you spend them.