I saw death, and it was a cat

She heard the sound of hooves running in sand. When she turned her head towards the sound, she saw a white horse running straight towards her, pale as a fine cloud on a warm summer’s day. The horse however, seemed to be without a rider. She didn´t know what to do but felt that the horse was of no threat to her, so she simply waited for it to reach her. As it did, the horse stopped gently a couple of meters in front of her, and slightly turned to the side. Mary had been wrong in her assessment that the horse did not have a rider. It had. It was a pitch-black cat, sitting promptly on the horse’s back, previously hidden by the horse’s head. The cat looked at her with calm and yellow eyes.

‘Hello Mary’, said the cat with a dark and pleasant voice.

‘Hello’, Mary said hesitantly. After a brief pause, not knowing what to say, she continued in the only way she knew. ‘Nice to meet you, what is your name?’

‘I am death’, said the black cat plainly.

‘Death?’ Mary hesitated again, utterly confused.

‘Yes?’ said Death.

‘Um sorry, but you see I wasn’t expecting Death to be a cat.’

Death raised one of his eyebrows, which Mary just thought made him look really cute. Shaking the thought, she tried to clear her head.

‘Sorry but…shouldn’t Death be a scary thing, or at least take the shape of something scary at least?’

‘Why should I?’ Death asked simply. ‘Because you mortals fear death and the unknown? I look how I look.’ Death turned his eyes towards the sea while his ears pointed backwards, clearly offended. Mary felt bad immediately.

‘No of course, I didn’t mean anything by it’, she said quickly. ‘I actually very much prefer this look from my usual imagination of you.’

Death turned to look at Mary again, with a slight smile on his small face.

‘I know you do Mary. And thank you for apologising.’

‘No problem’, Mary answered awkwardly. She went silent, not knowing what to say next, now that the introductions had been made. What do you ask a cat? Or Death rather? Mary thought she should start with the basics.

‘Where am I?’ she asked. ‘I mean, where are we? Do you know?’

‘I do know’, said Death. ‘I brought you here. I thought it would be nice to accompany you while you wait.’

‘Wait for what?’

‘We wait here to see if you will ride with me to my home, or if I have to say goodbye to you for now. Or rather, if I have to say, see you later.’ The cat chuckled at this comment, apparently finding himself funny.

‘What happens if I follow you home?’

‘Nothing really, it just means you’ve died.’ Death looked at her in a matter of fact type of way, as if this was something he often had to say. Much like an indifferent retail worker, Mary thought, tired after a day of standing at the checkout.

‘So if I have to say goodbye or see you later, it means I live?’

‘Yes. But I do prefer saying “see you later” after all, it is truer to life for me’, said Death, tilting his head slightly while still staring at Mary as if interested in her reaction to his words. Mary, however, was still thinking about what these choices meant for her.

‘So then I choose to say, “see you later”’. Mary pointed her right thump over her shoulder, indicating she was leaving. ‘I guess I go this way then, since you came from the opposite direction, right?’

‘You can go that way if you’d like, but it will not lead you anywhere, except back to this beach’, said Death, still with a calm voice, as if they were having a casual conversation about a not so exciting weather forecast. ‘You see, you don’t have a choice in the matter. It is simply up to the reality that is your world. Currently people are trying to save you, and I must say, they have surprised me with their efficiency at keeping me at bay so far.’ Death sounded amused.

‘So you want them to fail? Is that it? You want me to die?’ Mary said just as calm as Death. It surprised her how she could talk about her own death so casually, even knowing she apparently was close to dying in her “reality”, whatever that meant. But feeling any strong emotions felt difficult in this place. She looked around at the beach, enjoying the view of the sunset over the ocean, beautifully reflected on the surface of the small waves gently caressing the sand of the beach. It looked like the waves was gently patting the sand, and the scene felt so harmonious that Mary couldn’t help to take a slow deep breath of satisfaction. She felt at peace here. She turned her head back to the horse and the black cat. The yellow eyes met hers, and she realised he had been observing her the entire time while she had spaced out a bit and had waited to answer her question.

‘I do not wish for you to die Mary, nor do I wish death upon any mortal soul. Why should I? I am inevitable. Death will find you anyway Mary, whether I wish for it or not, and then I will be here waiting again, to take you to my home. All I need is patience, which I fortunately have a lot of.’ Death blinked slowly at Mary. ‘I want every mortal being to find peace in death, and so I am here to help them with that. I created this place for you Mary. Don’t you find it peaceful here? So much better than the harsh mortal world of which you come from?’

Mary did find it peaceful here. Maybe if this was her heaven, she might be OK to die after all. She might feel a bit more ready to die at least, knowing this was what awaited her.

‘This place is indeed lovely. I guess I should thank you for creating this place for me. So, thank you.’ Death lowered his head in a small bow at her gratitude before resuming his stare at her. Mary continued. ‘So, this is where I will spend my time when I die then?’

‘No Mary’, Death shook his little head. ‘As I’ve said, death awaits you at my home, not here. Consider this your personal waiting room. No one but us two can be here.’ Mary gave a quick look at the white horse. ‘And my trusty steed of course’, Death added after noticing Mary’s quick glance.

‘Is the horse a colleague?’ Mary asked carefully, suddenly aware of how awkward it would have been if the horse simply hadn’t been introduced until now and they’ve had a conversation, as if it wasn’t there. Mary hated that type of behaviour, she thought it terribly rude and was afraid she had unintentionally taken part in such behaviour.

‘No this is simply my steed’, said Death to Mary’s relief. ‘An eternal steed of course, but nothing more than that.’

‘Of course.’

There was an awkward silence again, or at least it was awkward for Mary. Death simply stared at her, sitting as still as a statue, seemingly not bothered at all by the silence between them.

‘So how long should I wait here?’

‘Until you are either saved or until you have died’, Death said casually. ‘However long that will take. In your reality it has only been a few minutes. Time moves differently here. You are strong though; I have to give you that. I didn’t think you would still be alive at this point. But your body haven’t given up yet, so here we are.’

‘It doesn’t feel like I am trying to survive right now’, Mary said looking down at her hands. Her body felt fine, better than ever in fact.

‘Of course not, this place has no such connections,’ Death said. ‘It is better that way, no need for you to suffer, now is there?’

‘No, of course, I agree with that. I feel great here,’ Mary said rather sheepishly. She didn’t know how to describe how it felt for her being in this place but had a feeling Death already knew how good she was feeling. After all, he had apparently designed this place.

‘Wait a minute’, she said when a thought suddenly hit her. ‘What happened to me? I mean, why am I on the verge of death? Shouldn’t I remember that?’

‘I am surprised you didn’t ask me this sooner’, Death said sounding rather amused. ‘Many ask these questions almost instantly.’ Death took a few seconds to pause while thinking over Mary’s questions.

‘You don’t remember what happened because this place is no place for traumatic memories. Trust me, if you survive you will have enough trauma to live with anyway, I’m afraid. So, there is no need for you to have any here.’ Death looked at her with eyes full of compassion and sadness. ‘You have been in a car accident. I am sad to report that it was quite a horrific one, yet you have so far barely survived.’

‘A car accident.’ Mary looked blankly in front of her, trying to remember anything from it, yet she found no recollection or familiarity with the news. Neither did it upset her. It felt like she was listening to this as if it had happened to someone else, or as if it was a program on TV. She felt disconnected from it, yet it had happened to her, and now she was fighting for her life. She returned her gaze to Death, who still observed her with his yellow eyes.

‘What are you thinking about Mary?’ he asked.

‘How surreal this feels’, Mary answered truthfully. ‘I mean, if I survive, this will feel like a dream. It is a quite illogical experience after all.’

‘If you survive Mary, you will not remember any of this.’ Death stared at her intently, as if to see her reaction to these words.

‘Oh’, she said. ‘That’s a shame.’ Mary realised that this was true at the same time as she said it. It was truly a shame. Her conversation so far had been quite pleasant, despite the subjects discussed. Death was a surprisingly pleasant conversationalist. ‘I mean, you are quite nice to talk to.’

‘I appreciate that, Mary.’ Death gave another small bow. ‘But it is for the best. You see, in this place your experience feels very real, but in your world, it wouldn’t even feel like a dream, but rather a memory which you couldn’t place. It would make you confused and might even drive you mad at some point. Memories of this place does not belong in the mortal world, Mary.’

‘I guess you make a good point’, Mary said reluctantly. ‘I wouldn’t want to be driven mad of course.’

Another silence. Mary frowned slightly as a thought hit her. Something had been bothering her for a while now but she hadn’t been able to figure out why. A question she wanted to ask.

‘Earlier you said that we will wait and see if I die. But you are death! Do you not decide this yourself?’

Death gave a small sigh and smiled softly while nodding his head in recognition of her question. It seemed like he had heard this question many times before.

‘This is a common misconception that humans have of me. I do not decide when you die. Even if I could I would not want to. I am not the creator of life, so I do not have the right to take it, nor the power to either. Who has that right anyway? But life in your reality, and many other realities, ends here, with me. All I can do is watch life as it goes by and receive it when it is ready to be received. But let me ask you this Mary. Who is to say life ends here, with me?’ Death tilted his head, looking rather cheerful. Mary looked confused, but before she could have a chance to answer, Death continued.

‘It is all about perspective and…’ Death paused, his eyes watching the sea, suddenly unfocused. A second later he looked back at Mary with a serious face. ‘I’m afraid you lost the fight Mary. It is time for you to follow me home.’

‘What do you mean? I died?’ Mary was even more confused. She hadn’t felt anything. She still felt the same as a few seconds before. Surely, she would have felt something if that was true?

The horse suddenly turned towards the way Death had come from, and Death spoke with his back turned to Mary.

‘Come now Mary. I welcome you to my home. Let us journey into this new life unknown.’

The sand under Mary’s feet felt soft and warm. As the horse started to walk away, Mary felt compelled to follow. She lifted her leg slowly, suddenly extremely aware of her own body. A first step forward.