19 comments

Fiction Drama

The door WOOSHED open as she ran into the waiting room. “Am I late?” She frantically scanned the room.. “Did I miss it? Has he come yet?”


“No, you haven’t.” A voice murmured behind her. She turned and looked at him. The young man was sitting, wearing a black hoodie and blue jeans. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were sleep deprived and sunken. He had a laptop resting on his legs and was typing away. “They started Pitocin about an hour ago. I think they just put in the epidural.” 


She turned and looked at him through pierced eyes, “How long have you been here? Don’t you have somewhere else to be…anywhere else. Nobody wants you here.”


He hung his head, “Trust me, I wish I didn’t have to be here, but I have an obligation to Sally. She needs me right now. Pretty scary thing to go through on your own. Besides, waiting here gives me time to catch up on my inventory. How’s work been?”


Her ears pinched upward and her eyes widened with excitement. She could set aside her disapproval of his being there to talk about her work., “Oh, it’s been absolutely fantastic! I’ve been super busy- almost don’t have time for myself. Just one project after another. I love the travel as well as all the new people I get to meet. What about you?”


“Same, busy, although I obviously don’t share your enthusiasm. The quotas are getting almost unbearable. Deadlines keep coming faster and faster. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.”


“Why don’t you just quit? Do something else?”


“And what would I do? Not like my skill set is useful anywhere else. I feel stuck. I wish my dad never forced me to take this job. It’s a dead-end position taking me nowhere. “Stay in the family business!’ he says. Pppssshhhh. I should have stayed in my metal band like I wanted. I could be touring the country right now.”


“You know you still could. Just walk away. No one would fault you.”


“Easier said than done. I’d have to tell my dad, then I’d have to train someone else to do this miserable job- it's not like people are lining up for my position.”


“I guess you’ve got a point. Your job does kind of suck.”


A frantic nurse came rushing out of Sally’s room. They could hear Sally starting to moan in discomfort as the heavy wooden door closed, softened by the slow-close hinges. Moments later a brigade of nurses came, followed by Sally’s doctor. One was pushing a cart with various instruments, towels, and a round metal bucket. They went into the room and the greeting of the doctor echoed out, “Alright Ms. Sally, let’s get yom hmm mmm…” before being muffled by the door. CLICK.


“Shouldn’t be long now.” the man said, looking back to his acquaintance, “So, where are you off to after this?”


“I’d have to check my schedule. I didn’t bring it with me- I was so excited to see the new baby. I believe my next assignment is in Denver, though. What about you? Where does your dad have you going?”


“I don’t know. He usually just sends it on this stupid beeper.” He unclipped the small black box from his side and held it between two fingers, unamused at the absurdity of carrying such an archaic relic..


“Sheesh, talk about being out of date.”


“Yeah, he likes to keep it classic. ‘No need to fix it if it ain’t broke’“ he said, mockingly.


“Sounds frustrating. So you’re just ‘on call’ all the time then?”


“Pretty much. ‘Builds character to always be on the go, still water stagnates.’ and a thousand other old phrases. You know how dads are. Always trying to teach through codes and riddles. He’s just been doing it so long and expects me to enjoy it as much as he does. I’m burnt out. The long days, the late nights. All the travel. And don’t even get me started on the upset clients.” He let out an exhaustive Sigh. “I just wish he would ask me what I wanted to do, ya know.” He clipped it back on his waist.


Do Ding Dong Do Diiiiiing Dong. The overhead PA played a little jingle signifying the birth of a new baby. They could hear the hurried professionalism of the maternity staff working quickly in the room. There were muffled praises and squeals of happiness coming from beyond the door. 


“Sounds like things went well in there for you.” He folded up his laptop and placed it into a satchel by his feet. He crossed his arms and legs and leaned back into the hard plastic seat.


“Sounds like it. I can’t wait til they bring the little guy out. I’m pretty excited to meet him.”


A few minutes later most of the nurses came parading out of the room. The first one pushing the baby cart to the infant area to perform various checks and measurements.


BEEP BEEP BEEP. He stood up and grabbed his tote, raising the strap up to rest on his shoulder. “Well, I guess this is where we part ways.”


“Could you not stay a bit longer? There’s no need to rush.”


“I wish I could, but dad’s a stickler for quantity. It was nice to talk to you. I hope to catch up again soon.”


“Maybe not too soon. Not many places our paths need to cross, really.”


“Touché. Well, good luck on your travels. Glad you’re enjoying your job.”


As the last nurse came out, he gestured to his acquaintance in a manner that said excuse me as he moved past. He knew why she stood between him and the door. He passed through the threshold and went over to Sally’s bedside. He placed his hand on her shoulder and felt her shiver against his touch. “Wake up, Sally. My name is Reap. It’s time for you to come with me.” He grabbed her hand and helped her up. “Don’t be afraid. Your baby is in good hands.” As they came out, a symphony of lights flashed and loud buzzers started sounding off in the room as well as at the nurses desk. The sitting nurse shot up and yelled, “Code Blue! Code Blue!” She raced to the door and met a few other nurses as they filed in.


Reap and Sally walked over to the infant observation room window. His acquaintance had Sally’s newborn swaddled in her arms. “I have got big plans for you, little one,” she said, looking up to the two observers. She grabbed his tiny hand and assisted him in waving to his mother. Sally felt an otherworldly calm wash over her.


Reap pointed and reassured Sally. “See, she’ll take good care of him. He’s got a long life ahead, and he’s gonna do great things. You’ll see him again. Come, it’s time.” He grabbed her hand and escorted her down the long, bright hallway ahead. Sally looked back once more and waved goodbye to her babe.


February 01, 2023 21:37

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19 comments

Rebecca Miles
07:34 Feb 05, 2023

I did enjoy the reveal here and like you anticipated, re-read for the clues. It works well because of course it rings true for many a kid forced into the family business. You captured his lethargy and apathy for the post so well; just such a shame Reap can't switch jobs, it's just not the way of the world. By way of critique, I'd like a bit more on the second MC who will look after the baby. She could have had a bit more development I thought. Great first entry.

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Earl Carter
13:52 Feb 05, 2023

Thank you so much! I agree on the development of the other. My friend told me I should enter a writing contest, and a quick google search brought me to this kind (so far) community. Unfortunately I had 1 day to write and edit, so probably rushed it from excitement lol. This was pretty fun, and have gotten some great things to think about for future submissions. Thanks again for reading!

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Tommy Goround
23:38 Feb 04, 2023

Oh. Welcome to reedsy please put an email in your bio if you want more than just "clap clap...good story "

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Earl Carter
23:48 Feb 04, 2023

Done! Thanks for the tip!

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Wendy Kaminski
03:09 Feb 05, 2023

Laughing :D

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Tommy Goround
23:33 Feb 04, 2023

Heya Earl. Good concept. The first half befuddle me some. (When I go back to reread the story all I can do is see the way that you made the duality of character.) Hmmm let me try to explain: First Assumption: he's a baby daddy "we don't want you here", they had a fight. Second: he's a rapist Third: they are a lesbian couple and he simply a sperm donor. Until the reveal... That's what I'm reading. -rockstar -inventories -old style pager... First person POV would fix all these things. Because you are probably writing with the duality.... ...

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Earl Carter
23:45 Feb 04, 2023

Hey Tommy, thanks for reading! I wanted the reader to make whatever assumptions they wanted in the beginning, hence the tension. As they are both in the business out of this plane/dimension I would assume that they can only see each other. I really was trying to hit the prompt on 3 levels. 1. Her love of her role and his hatred for his. 2. His escort to the after life Vs hers ringing in new life. 3. The hidden opposite directions of the mother and her child. While trying to make all those fit, and have misdirection may have been a stret...

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Tommy Goround
01:18 Feb 05, 2023

Oiy. If the judges are obsessed with the prompts then shame on them. I've never heard a judge told me that they kick something out because it was not 100% skewed towards the prompt. Consider 400 people writing the same thing when they're prompt ask "what color is the White House".... Lol. Thank you for being gracious because I didn't give you enough of a alternative to the front half. People should edit these stories and offer alternatives but most people just clap and tell you that you're great. Notice how many people with "great" storie...

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Lily Finch
23:03 Feb 04, 2023

This was well done. I guessed about midway through the conversation who Reap was, although I see why people might think he was the dad. He said he was there for Sally. Very cool story. LF6

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Earl Carter
23:11 Feb 04, 2023

Thanks for reading and the kind comment. I need to work on my misdirection a little more then. Can’t have people figuring out the story before it’s finished…even the most clever of them.

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Lily Finch
23:26 Feb 04, 2023

It's just because I read so many stories. My mind goes to whatifs quickly when I meet characters. The dark hoody, family business, his fatigue due to overwork, odd hours and travelling all over were all clues. LF6

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Earl Carter
23:29 Feb 04, 2023

Yes! Although I wanted people to go back and re-read to find those lol. Good eye, and imagination!

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Wendy Kaminski
21:57 Feb 04, 2023

This was an awesome entry, Earl! I absolutely did not see that coming... they sparred a bit like brother and sister, so it was very cleverly held until the reveal! I also thought the way you expressed this line was masterfully effective from a technical standpoint: “Alright Ms. Sally, let’s get yom hmm mmm…” before being muffled by the door. CLICK. I got it, and it's exactly the visuals like that, which really put me into this story. Nicely done - and hey, welcome to Reedsy! :)

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Earl Carter
22:49 Feb 04, 2023

Wow! Thanks! I really wasn’t expecting any comments, so thanks for the kind words. I am trying to get into writing and thought I’d do some little things like this to get some ideas flowing. Hopefully you’ll see more of me (or more specifically) my characters in the future!

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Wendy Kaminski
22:54 Feb 04, 2023

Awesome - you totally nailed this one! :)

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Tommy Goround
23:22 Feb 04, 2023

Yom? I want to see it. What did I miss

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Wendy Kaminski
23:30 Feb 04, 2023

Sound of the heavy door being closed in the middle of Dr's sentence as he continued talking. Was pretty great relationally-speaking!

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Tommy Goround
23:36 Feb 04, 2023

Ty.

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Wendy Kaminski
23:37 Feb 04, 2023

Yw :D

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