After Death Regrets

“Legend has it there’s a ghost that sits on the swing hanging from the tree by the little stream in our very own city park,” an old woman began to tell her grandchildren. “They say he sits there and drags his feet in the water and mutters to himself. Many of those who claim to see him say he smiles at them when he turns to face them.”

She smiled to herself, traveling down memory lane. “However none of the witnesses can say what kind of smile it is, or the intentions behind it. Whether it's….”

“... a kind smile or an evil grin, we’ll never know for sure,” an announcer’s voice blared. ”But, since Halloween is coming up, here's a challenge. At midnight, on Halloween, there’ll be a little box with a strip of paper in it hanging from that very tree. The first person to get it and bring it back to the station will win a $50 Nile gift card. It'll work with any of your Nile purchases plus free shipping. So put your brave faces on people! Kudos to those if you can tell me what kind of smile our park ghost has! Now, for a commercial bre---”

Yuri turned the radio off. Who cares about a ghost in the park, anyway? The radio host was only doing it for Halloween. She laid back into the cushions of her bed. Her mother was downstairs, doing whatever it is that mothers do. She looked out the window, then back at her clock. It was only 8:30, she could be back before 10. Grabbing her shoes, she slipped out the door, but not before calling out, “going for a walk.” The city park wasn't that far from her house, just a few blocks away. The moonlight gave everything a blue sort of glow. The cars raced by on the main road, their yellow lights mixing with that of the moon. As Yuri stepped onto the park’s grass, she spotted a couple jogging up the slop she would soon be going down. 

“I told you there wouldn’t be anything yet!” 

“Well, it was worth a look!”

“I bet that old coon was just making up that ghost story.”

“Yeah, but it would be nice to win that gift card.”

They giggled as they walked right past Yuri. She ignored them as well. Most likely they had gone to see if they could cheat the radio challenge for Halloween.

The oak tree was relatively quiet, which was a little unexpected, considering the new challenge attraction that was now associated with it. She strode discreetly to the tire swing hanging from one of its branches.

“Hey there.”

Yuri gasped, whirling around. A boy sat on the branch on which the swing was hung. His skin was extremely pale, and the moonlight made it seem almost like he was translucent. No, he was slightly translucent, she realized as she took a closer look. Bangs swept his eyebrows and his hair was matched the color of the night sky. 

But the most haunting thing about him was his smile. The radio host was right, it would be impossible to discern or even remember it. At first, it could be easily mistaken for a malicious sort of grin, but upon inspecting further, there was a cold type of politeness to it. And underneath that cold politeness, Yuri could see a glimmer of sadness that was nearly snuffed out by the hidden delight that resonated from it through his eyes. 

The ghost dropped down from the branch, walking closer to Yuri. She took a step back and he stopped, smiling again.

“Are you here for that contest?” He asked. “There were a few, well, a lot of people here earlier. A couple of them were talking about some sort of contest mentioned on the radio.” 

“Um, well, no.” Yuri lied. “I just decided to get some air. Though, I did hear about that contest.” She added when she noticed the skeptical look on his face.

“Oh.” He replied. Something jaded replaced his polite expression. “Well, care to elaborate?”

“Not really.” The ghost looked more closely at Yuri’s face. 

“I see,” he said. “Swing with me?”

“Sure. Why not?” Yuri replied. She sat down on the swing as the ghost jerked back and forth in the air like he was swinging on an invisible swing. “Are you the ghost? The one that the radio host was talking about?”

“You could say that.” Was the only reply that she got. “I never thought my dear friend would be so anxious as to turn me into the city ghost.”

“You knew the radio host?” She’d thought that this ghost was centuries old.

“Of course I did. Do I look like a Victorian gentleman to you?” He gestured to his attire: a dark hoodie topped by a monochrome flannel and stonewashed jeans.

“How did you die?” she asked.

“I drowned.” He replied. It was then that Yuri noticed the purplish color on his lips like he had been in cold water for too long. 

“What? Did you fall in the lake?”

The ghost looked at her for a minute. “I hope you’re not going to try and sell my story to some media outlet for this so-called Halloween.” 

“N-no, I’m just curious.” Yuri vehemently protested. 

“You’re very bad at lying, you know.”

Yuri’s shoulders slumped. He was right, she had been lying. “Well, I'm u-um, I guess I’m sorry?”

The ghost waved dismissively. “Sure it’s fine. One more question. Why do you want money so bad?” 

Yuri’s breath hitched. “Why would you ask that?” 

“Well, if I had to guess, this contest has a monetary reward, right?” He looked to her for confirmation, which he found in her visible gulp. “There’s no way people would suddenly want to talk to a ghost otherwise. There’s always some reward people are looking for.”

He chuckled, before rubbing his face with his hands. “Well, dammit, seems like h--”

“Sorry, but what do they want from you so badly?” Yuri asked. 

“Beats me,” he replied. But his tone was tense, the kind found when someone is lying or omitting something. “Probably money. Sometimes ghost stories can fetch for a good price.”

“So what is your story?” she pressed. “I would like to hear it if you don’t mind.”

“You know, they do have that saying…. Ah, what was it…” he paused, searching for the right words. “Something about curiosity and a cat.”

“You mean, ‘curiosity killed the cat’?” Yuri supplied for him. He snapped his fingers and nodded in agreement.

 “But, ‘satisfaction brought it back’.” Yuri continued. In response to this, the ghost pouted, blowing air out through his mouth and making his bangs flurry up a little.

“Well, how about this? Let’s make a compromise,” he negotiated. “I’ll tell you why I drowned, and the reasons behind it. But in exchange, you have to promise me something.”

“I’ll tell you after I finish my ‘story’, as you put it,” he continued. “Deal?”

“Deal.” Yuri began to make herself comfortable on the tire swing.

“Before I begin, you mentioned something about your family. How do you feel about them? Is it love or hate?” The ghost started, staring off into the sky.

“Well, I don’t hate them. They’re my family, so of course, I love them. I’m supposed to,” she replied carefully. The ghost snorted.

“Okay, starting off with the safe answers, huh? That’s okay. You’re what like, thirteen--”

“Eighteen,” she corrected. He paid her no mind.

“--so I wouldn’t expect you to know the ins and outs of your feelings. Hell, even I never really knew when I was alive. But I guess after you become a ghost, you suddenly have all the time to think about your regrets and life and all that deep shit.

“To be honest, I never had it hard in life. My parents were pretty hard-working, and they definitely provided more than I ever deserved. I always felt so wrong when I asked them for things. God, looking back, I was such a spoiled brat. Probably still am. Given the whole no-aging-cause-I’m-already-dead thing. Anyway, so I had two loving, sometimes strict, parents, a bratty younger brother, a roof over my head, three meals to eat, and almost everything I could ever need--”

“So why did you die so young? Was it an accident, or did someone murder you? Why a--” Yuri interrupted, impatient. The ghost was taking way too long to explain how he died!

“Slow down, I’m getting there.” He huffed, before continuing. “For as long as I could remember, I always had this sense of fairness about me. I always felt like I should pay someone back for the favors they give me and so forth. So you could probably guess how much debt I felt I owed to my parents.

“I don’t remember when, but somewhere in my teen years, I made the decision that my goal in life was to get a good job, make a lot of money, and provide for my family like they did for me. I didn’t want them to ever want anything. I wanted to support my brother even when he felt like he didn’t need it. I didn’t care about relationships or kids. I didn’t care if I ended up alone.  

“I thought that once I had fulfilled that debt, that all my troubles would be resolved. But you see here’s where the twist in my story comes in.” He took a breath, and Yuri took this time to try and guess what happened to him.

“You messed with the wrong people? You made someone mad and they decided to kill you? Did you s--” Her stream of questions was interrupted.

“No. Not even close. Can’t you just wait for me to get there? You asked for my story. You made your own bed, now sleep in it.” There was a sternness to his voice now. 

“Sorry,” she replied meekly. He continued.

“Well, the twist is that I discovered myself. I discovered what made me as a person. When I was around your age, I’d found that I’d become the exact opposite of what I and my family wanted. I had shaped myself to fit the molds of what other people wanted from me.” He chuckled. “Ironic, isn’t it? I became a person that defied almost all of my family’s standards.”

He turned his head away from her. “They wanted a son who was strong, virtuous, and hard-working. I was weak, lazy, and certainly not the purest of people. I deluded myself into thinking that I was the main character in the story. The kind of person who could prevail through anything and could always get to the happy endings. I lied to myself, thinking I was special, that I was important. And when reality finally broke those glass walls of childish ideals, I got scared.”

Yuri felt the air shift. It was colder now, and there was a mood that was strung between them, one that she couldn’t really decipher. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach. She didn’t like where this was going. 

“I got so scared,” the ghost whispered, his voice shaking. “I had just discovered that I didn’t have what it took to accomplish my goal. Didn’t have what it took to make them happy.”

He paused, and Yuri could see something silver shining in his eyes. It took her a moment to realize that they were tears. 

“U-um we can stop if you---” she began.

“At that moment, I had lost sight of my life goal.” He wiped at his eyes. “What good was it to strive for something that could never be achieved. Worst of all, it was an attainable goal, just not attainable for me. So---”

“I—” Yuri interrupted, trying to get him to stop. She already knew how this was going to end. 

“--I pulled the trigger, figuratively speaking,” the ghost continued. “I--I jumped in-into that lake. I drowned myself. There was no dramatic murder. Just a quiet little ending. One that I hoped no one would ever notice.”

Yuri’s unconsciously exhaled, expelling a knot of anticipation that she didn’t know she’d had. She opened her mouth, then closed it. Then repeated the process, trying to find the right thing to say, but still not even having the courage to say anything.

“S-so your b-body is still in that lake?” she whispered, trying not to break the frail serenity that she shared with the ghost. 

“I suppose so,” he sighed. “Now you know how I died.”

They sat in silence for a couple minutes before Yuri broke it.

“So what’s my end of the deal?” She asked. The ghost turned to her, smiling his trademark smile, before whispering something into her ear.

The ghost watched as the teenage girl walked away. Sighing he turned to face the shadows in the bushes. “Well, Mr. Radio Host, did you get what you wanted?”

The bushes ruffled. “I should have known you knew I was here,” the familiar voice of the announcer muttered. A robust man in his sixties shuffled his way out of the foliage. He looked at the ghost with hatred. 

“This is all your fault,” the announcer snarled. “If I hadn’t met you that day, I could have been--”

“Been what? What, Gregory?” The ghost snapped. “I only informed you of my decision. You were the one who decided to make it difficult.”

“Because you were insane!” Gregory roared. “Because of you, everybody thinks I’m a--- I’m--”

Gregory stopped, panting. “Never mind, you never really had a remorseful soul, to begin with. You told that girl a load of crap.”

“That’s not true,” the ghost replied, his voice firm but still broken at the same time. “Take it back.”

“I’m not gonna! You’re a selfish, sniveling piece of crap, ya know!” Gregory replied, anger bleeding into his voice. “If you really loved your family, you’d never’ve done that! You just wanted to take the easy road! You’re a coward, Finn!”

The ghost looked taken aback. And then something shifted in his expression. A look of resolution settled over his face. He looked away. 

“I-I suppose you’re right.” He spun on his heels. “I never did think about it like that. Hey, Greggy, how is he? My brother?”

All the tension in the air dropped. Gregory looked at the ghost, who had turned his back to him, then sighed. “Haydon’s fine. They all turned out fine, in the end.”

“Well, that’s good.” And then, the ghost smiled at the moon.

Yuri ran all the way home from the park. As soon as she had reached the main road, she’d run as fast as she could. When she reached home, she found both of her parents in the kitchen, enjoying a late dessert. She paused in the hallway, gawking at them for a minute. 

She bolted straight to them, engulfing both of them in a fierce group hug. Her parents patted her back as they returned the gesture.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Her mother asked, running her fingers through Yuri’s hair. 

“Nothing, Mom,” She buried her face deeper into her mother’s shoulder. 

“Just keeping a promise. That’s all.”