The Flame

Julian’s dream was a blurry haze, yet he knew exactly where he was. His home. Since the incident, Julian had loathed the mere thought of sleep. For a while, he tried keeping himself up at night to avoid the wretched place that so often intruded his thoughts and dreams. Nonetheless, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape it. 

Julian peered around his old, grimy bedroom. The paint was chipped and peeling from over a decade of use, and his carpet was covered in notebooks, chip crumbs, and trash. His closet was stuffed with memorabilia from Julian’s childhood. 

If only he could have even a single memento of his home, maybe he wouldn’t despise this place as much as he did now. Maybe if he did have a souvenir, he’d think of the good memories rather than the last memory. Whether it was due to karma, chance, or a higher power, Julian wasn’t this fortunate. Instead, he got to experience the worst day of his life in his nightmares. He had the burden of being mocked every night with the fact that he’ll never be able to see his home again in person.

Without warning, Julian was transported to the kitchen. It was shocking, but only for a few moments considering it wasn’t new for Julian’s dreams to undermine the necessity of spatial transitions. 

Julian wandered aimlessly about the kitchen, when he spotted it. Inside the oven, was an extra crispy and blackened macaroni and cheese casserole, supposedly forgotten about. Julian’s macaroni and cheese casserole. He quickly realized what was about to happen and sprinted to grab the fire extinguisher.

As if the flame sensed Julian’s next move, the oven erupted into a fiery, destructive blaze. The flame swiftly spread and infected the lower and upper cabinets, blocking his path. If it didn’t stop soon it would spread to the walls and the floor, and there’s no going back after that. The flame was a ticking time bomb, patiently waiting for the right moment to pounce and destroy everything in its wake. 

“No, no, no, no, no!” Julian yelled in frustration, tears streaming down his face. “This can’t be happening! Not again!” 

He frantically searched everywhere for something, anything that could stop the flame. It seemed to be tormenting Julian, laughing at his struggles. Every inch the flame stole from Julian was a piece of his soul, childhood, and life he could never get back. It ripped and teared at every moment of happiness Julian had ever experienced in that room and replaced it with terror and guilt. It was as if the flame had thought of everything, made sure that no matter what Julian did he couldn’t defeat the demons of his past.

He watched, helpless, as the flame decided it was time to move on to phase two of Julian’s torture. It overthrew the walls and floor and surrounding area. That was already bad enough, but even worse was the sight of his dazed and confused dog. She waddled into the kitchen and stared at Julian with her puppy dog eyes. 

“Bailey, get out of there!” Julian shouted. He was now officially panicked and gasping for air. Every step closer he took, the taller and stronger the wall of fire became. 

I have to get out of here. Julian thought. It’s not real. It’s not real. The sounds of her whimpers and howls filled the room. It was even more deafening than the roar of the fire. Every corner of the house was filled with her pleading, but he couldn’t get to her no matter how hard he tried. She was only a figment of his imagination, Julian thought, trying to calm himself. He wasn’t entirely successful, however the whimpering started to quiet down.

He ran to the front door and jiggled the doorknob, but the door refused to open. It was sealed shut and Julian knew there was no hope of opening it. He banged his head against the glass of the door in frustration when he saw himself. Not just in his reflection, but outside on the pavement with a blanket around his shoulders. With him was his mother who looked just as dazed as Bailey and his best friend Noah who looked truly mortified. It was a memory from the night of the incident, but also a warning. 

As the flame inched closer and closer, it’s message became clearer and clearer. Between the crackles, pops, and roars of the flame, it was reminding him that nobody was going to save him. He was outside, who would risk their life to save a ghost, a creation of Julian’s imagination? Nobody was coming for him and he was hopeless to defeat the flame. Besides, Julian created this monster. If anybody deserved to die for their mistakes, it was him.

At first, it was only a small change. The fire became hazier, even by dream standards. Once the flame knew it had Julian’s attention, it went onto phase three. Within seconds, the air around him had been banished and replaced by a grey, suffocating impostor. Julian stretched his hands out in front of him in hope to recognize anything, only for them to be engulfed in the never-ending smog. 

His lungs quickly felt the effects of it. While the smoke was wispy and easy to maneuver through, Julian’s lungs felt as if they were being crushed by the sheer weight of it. It was a similar feeling to being underwater for too long, except the smoke would tear at his throat every time he dared to breathe. Of course, as time went on and Julian was running out of breath, he instinctively gasped for air. The smoke sent an intense shooting pain through Julian’s chest, and he dropped to the floor. 

Wake up! It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream. His mind was racing, panicking, praying for a way out of this misery. Julian knew he deserved the pain, but it was awful now that it was actually happening. The flame was a judge of Julian’s fate, and the flame chose justice for the lives he ruined. 

Again, the flame sensed Julian’s thoughts and did the unexpected. It showed mercy. The fire and smoked still lurked ever closely, complying with the flame’s request but clearly being unhappy about it. However, the flame continued to infect and destroy almost everything else so it seemed like a fair deal. The fire surrounded him on all sides including the ceiling, and all the exits were still blocked off. Clearly the flame still had more plans for Julian. He studied the area surrounding him, trying to anticipate the flame’s next move before it striked.

His eyes landed on the staircase. There was an enormous wall of fire between Julian and the bottom step, however it was mostly untouched. This was highly unusual considering the stairs were carpeted and highly flammable. The staircase was also the one thing that didn’t look so hazy. In Julian’s experience, in dreams everything looks like peripheral vision except for whatever you’re meant to see. The flame particularly liked to use this tactic.

After a few minutes, Julian heard a distinct, muffled cough from upstairs. He froze at the sound. He hadn’t heard that since the night of the incident. At the top of the staircase stood the man Julian killed that night, his father. Julian’s head rushed with a million thoughts of guilt, love, desperation, misery, and relief. Julian’s father, unlike everybody else, stared directly at him. Not only that, but he smiled. He knew Julian was there. 

Julian’s dad strolled down the stairs with the biggest grin Julian had ever seen. Tears of happiness rolled down both of their faces. To Julian’s dismay, he had let down his guard, and the flame had other plans for this happy reunion. The ceiling above them cracked and groaned from the fire. 

“Look out!” Julian yelled as he realized what was about to happen. Julian’s father looked up towards the sound, stared back at Julian with fear in his eyes, and then it was over. The ceiling burst and crumpled above them. Julian watched his father disappear under the rubble right before it crushed himself.

*

Julian jolted up from his bed in a cold sweat. His breathing was labored, and his heart was beating through his chest. Julian looked down at his hands, glad to see they were still there. His hands were quite possibly the most recognizable thing about his situation. He looked towards his left to see his best friend Noah, stirring in his bed.

Julian had only known Noah for a few months, but the amount they had been through together could’ve added up to a decade. The night of the incident, the beginning of winter break, was actually their first sleepover together. Who knew it would lead to them living together? Julian guessed it was Noah’s mom’s way of thanking Julian and his mom for keeping Noah alive. To Julian, that sounded like the most bare minimum thing you could ask for, but he was glad for her kindness. Julian didn't want to imagine where he would be now if he wasn't living with Noah.

The night of the incident. Julian was, to his dismay, reminded of his dream. Bailey, the smoke, his father. Luckily, Julian didn’t actually see his father the night of the incident, but seeing him die a different way every night might have been even worse. Julian rocked back and forth with no intention of falling back asleep. The bed creaked under him, sounding almost identical to the sound the ceiling made before it caved in. This only worsened Julian’s panic. 

Next to him, Noah squinted his eyes open, clearly unhappy to be awake. He had always been a light sleeper. Noah caught sight of Julian, clearly anxious. At this, Noah sat straight up in his bed, knowing that it was going to be a bad day for Julian. 

“Same dream?” Noah questioned cautiously. Julian couldn’t look Noah in the eye and simply nodded. He was glad that Noah cared, but it was hard for Julian to actually accept that care. 

“It’s not your fault,” Noah went on. “It was an accident.” Julian furrowed his brows. His fists were shaking, clenched tightly so as to not punch anything. Julian seized this opportunity, glad to feel anything other than sad and guilty.

“You know what, it is my fault. It doesn’t matter if it was an accident or not. Forgiveness won’t bring back Bailey, and it won’t bring back my dad!” Julian was shaking from head to toe now, tears racing down his cheeks. 

“You saved me, shouldn’t that count for something?! I would’ve died in there if it wasn’t for you.” Julian could see in Noah’s face that he had officially lost his cool. He didn’t blame him though, Julian was sick of listening to himself too.

“You wouldn’t have needed saving in the first place if it wasn’t for me. Besides, it doesn’t count if I sacrificed my own father for you.” The moment it came out of Julian’s mouth he regretted saying it. Noah’s face dropped, and he turned toward his bed. Now he was the one who couldn’t look the other in the eye. 

“He loved you, Julian,” Noah muttered. “He wouldn’t have wanted this.” Julian was shocked. He didn’t know how to respond, couldn’t respond. 

His eyes wandered around the room, in search of something else to focus on. Of course, his eyes gravitated towards Julian’s raven black suit in the closet, the one he had worn to his father’s funeral. It had only been a few days after the incident and, at the time, Julian was somehow even more of a wreck than he was now. It was nearing Christmas and Julian missed him more than ever. It was a small funeral consisting of only a few of Julian’s dad’s closest friends and family, however Julian had invited Noah. It was a huge debate in his mind, but Julian eventually decided to. He thought his dad would’ve wanted to meet his best friend, after all. 

Noah was right, Julian’s dad wouldn’t have wanted him to blame himself. Julian wanted to thank Noah for always being there for him, for not hesitating to invite Julian and his mom to live with him, for never getting angry with him. None of it could be put into words, yet Julian knew they didn’t need to be. 

He summed up whatever courage he had left, looked Noah in the eye, and hugged him. Unless you had gone through something life changing together, this could’ve meant a million different things. However, if you did, it really only meant one thing. It meant everything was going to be okay. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not years from now, but someday.