He's Following Me!

Submitted into Contest #252 in response to: Start your story with a character being followed. ... view prompt

6 comments

Fiction Suspense Adventure

He’s Following Me!

           Lisa looks behind her. He’s still there! Why is he following me? He keeps getting closer and closer! I cannot believe I am out here alone. Why are there not more people on the trail? I never should have let Erika and Monica go back without me. Why was I so stupid!

It was a warm, sunny, and clear morning – a perfect day for a hike. Lisa, Erika, and Monica decide they will head out on the Blevins trail.

           “It’s just over three miles,” Lisa says, “You will make it just fine, Monica.”

Monica was hesitant to do such a long hike as she was still getting over a sprained ankle from her last hike where she had slipped on a rock. She had not gone to a doctor, but she knew it would be best if she stayed off it for a while. But she had listened to Lisa, go-getter, full speed ahead Lisa and now here she was. Monica looked over at Erika, pleadingly.

           “I’ll be with you. You can lean on me if you don’t think you can make it.” Erika says.

           “Can’t we just do Merkle? It’s only a mile around and that way I can quit after a mile if my ankle starts bothering me too much.”

           “Nonsense,” Lisa says. “You will be fine. We will both be with you if your ankle bothers you too much. You can just lean on both of us. It’ll be fun!”

           Monica sighs and the three head west on the Blevins trail. About a quarter of the way through, Monica wishes that she would have at least brought her hiking poles. “Why did I not think to bring them with me?” she wonders.” Stupid!”

           “I have to go back,” Monica says. “My ankle is bothering me too much and I cannot believe I forgot my poles. I never should have let you talk me into this Lisa.”

           “Oh, ya big baby!” “Fine, why don’t you turn back. Erika, why don’t you babysit her back to the trailhead. I’m going to keep going and finish this hike.”

           “I’m sorry Lisa, I just can’t keep going. I knew I was taking on too much. I probably need to give my ankle another week or so.”

           “Sure, whatever. You two go. I’ll meet you back at the car. It won’t take me long.”

           “Are you sure you’re okay to hike alone,” Erika says.

           “I’ve hiked alone many times. I’ll be fine,” says Lisa.

           Lisa watches as Erika and Monica slowly make their way back to the vehicle. At the pace their going, I’ll beat them back to the vehicle, she thinks to herself.

           Lisa continues her way through the Blevin’s trail. Though she has taken the trail many times in the past, she always marvels at the beauty of the desert. The majestic saguaros are in full bloom along with the barrel cacti with their yellow flowers. The Brittlebushes are simply gorgeous, and she stops to breathe in the rich fragrance. It is then that she notices a tall man coming over one of the peaks behind her. She doesn’t think much of it at the time – just another hiker on the trail, but she keeps it in the back of her mind that there is a male hiker behind her.

           As she hikes on, letting her mind wonder a bit, but also taking in her surroundings and also being ever aware of the possibility of running into the local wildlife – snakes in particular - she decides to look back. This is when she notices that the hiker is even closer than before and indeed appears to be sprinting towards her. When he sees her looking at her, he stops sprinting and appears to be casually hiking.

           “That’s odd,” Lisa murmurs to herself. Why would he stop sprinting when he thinks I am watching him? And why the heck is this trail so deserted?”

           At this point, Lisa decides that maybe she had better pick up her pace. She is trying to calculate in her head if she can outrun him and get to the trailhead where her friends are. From where she saw him, he looked rather tall, so she probably could not outrun him. If only she could run across some other hikers or mountain bikers or trail runners or something!

           Lisa remembers that she does have a lipstick stun gun/flashlight deep in her backpack and wonders why she didn’t have it where it was more easily accessible. She also has a device on her backpack that will let out a shrill noise if the bottom is released, but who will hear it if no one else is out here?

           Lisa glances back again and the man stops sprinting. What the heck!  She turns and starts to run while also trying to find the lipstick stun gun in her backpack. She cannot find it and starts to pull other items out of the backpack in her attempt to locate it.

           “Damn it! Where is it!”

           She throws out her compass, her tweezers, her pee funnel and her wet wipes in her attempt to find the stun gun. Lisa is now running at full speed as she looks back and sees the man running at full speed towards her. Finally, she finds her stun gun and her alarm device. She drops everything and decides to turn to stand her ground to face him as she knows she cannot outrun him.

           At first, she does not see him. Where did he go? Is he going to try to ambush me from the side or something? She decides to keep running, leaving her backpack and all her belongings along the trail. She just wants to make it back to the safety of the trailhead and her friends. She runs with all the speed she can muster to get back before the man can catch her.

           As she runs, she can see the trailhead in sight and is so grateful, but just then, she trips over a rock and drops her stun gun. As she is getting up, she turns and, in the distance, sees the man running towards her with something in his arms. Without a thought, Lisa gets up and proceeds to run though at a slower pace now, to the opening of the trailhead. She still has her alarm device in her hand, and she pulls the bottom. A loud shrill emits from the device as she is coming into the open. She sees Erika and Monica at a picnic table waiting for her. Their heads swivel at the sound of the alarm. They see Lisa running towards them, yelling for help.

           Both women run towards Lisa who is so out of breath that she can barely speak. She simply points in the direction from where she came. As all three of the women look towards that the direction, the man emerges with all of Lisa’s belongings that she had dropped in his arms.

           “Hey, are you okay,” he says. “You dropped all these things out there. Did something scare you out there?”

           Still trying to collect herself, Lisa breathlessly says, “I thought you were following me. You were running sometimes and other times you would stop. I thought you were trying to catch me.”

           “Oh, I’m sorry I scared you. I was just doing sprints, you know, sometimes I run and sometimes I just walk fast. I’m sorry that I scared you.”

           Lisa looks at him dumbfounded.

May 26, 2024 22:37

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6 comments

Brian Haddad
04:39 Jun 12, 2024

This is a really fun idea and reminds me of some comedy sketches I've seen. I'm here via the critique circle, but I know that not everyone truly wants a critique. If you are interested in some of my thoughts about what might be improved, I'd be happy to share. But I want you to know that the story is fun and I did enjoy reading it. :)

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Marchea Sovde
18:03 Jun 13, 2024

Thank you so much! I am new at this, and I would love to know your thoughts and what might be improved! I want to be a better writer and I welcome critiques! Thank you so much! Marchea Sovde

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Brian Haddad
19:43 Jun 13, 2024

Keep in mind that I am an avid reader and a life-long writer, but I have not taken too many formal classes so if anything I say rings true, please feel free to do your own research and verification to make sure you get the facts! The main thing I noticed as I read your story was that the storytelling mechanics were a little clunky at times. Not always! Sometimes I could tell you hit a flow and everything was relatively smooth. If I had to pinpoint one area for improvement, it would be tense. First person present tense is probably one of th...

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Marchea Sovde
23:04 Jun 17, 2024

Thank you so much! This is definitely something that I have struggled with - tenses. I feel that I know tenses, but when it comes to getting it down on paper, I seem to struggle with it. So, I guess I don't know tenses! Do you have any books or articles that you could recommend that might help me with this? Again, thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I am going to do some research too to see how I might improve at keeping my tenses straight! Thanks!

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Brian Haddad
01:08 Jun 18, 2024

My father was a newspaper publisher for most of my life, and he drilled the concept of tense into me from a young age. lol So the way I learned was to read what I wrote out loud to myself several times, and on at least one pass I pay special attention to tense. I catch myself changing tenses or even point-of-view mid-story somewhat frequently, so I think it's a problem that requires special attention during editing for most people, not just you! Best of luck! I look forward to seeing what else you contribute here!

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Marchea Sovde
05:21 Jun 24, 2024

Thank you so much! I will try that technique!

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