Where's My Donut?

“Why is my donut missing John?”

“Well, Caroline, I assume someone ate it and since you're asking me, that someone probably isn't you.”

“You’re right, I didn’t eat it, someone else ate my donut. Now, tell me the truth, did you eat my donut John?”

“No, I didn't eat your donut, I'll admit that I did eat A donut today, but it wasn't your donut. I went and bought myself a donut.”

“You don't even normally like donuts that much, why in the world would you go out and buy your own donut?”

“Well, I saw your donut-”

“And ate it?.” 

“No. I forgot how much of a menace you become when someone messes with one of your donuts.”

“Okay, maybe I was being a tad aggressive, please do continue your explanation.”

“Very well, so as I was saying, I woke up and saw your donut and it looked pretty good. It made me crave a donut like nobody's business-”

“Why should I believe you didn’t eat my donut after getting that craving?”

“Are you kidding? After what happened the last time I ate one of your donuts, absolutely not, I’d prefer to avoid a donut incited reckoning.”

“I suppose I do get a little… unpleasant when someone eats one of my donuts.”

“Terrifying is a far more accurate description, but getting back to the story, I went to the bakery and got a donut. I proceeded to eat said donut and then came back to the apartment where I noticed your donut was missing.”

“So that’s why you were standing over my empty donut plate?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

“I see. I’m feeling inclined to believe you.”

“Does that mean I can go to my room now?”

“While I’m leaning towards believing you, I don’t entirely believe you and need to check with the others.

“Fine, so who are you going to ask next?”

“Well Riley would never eat my donut so it has to be Kent. Kent's here? Right?”

“I don't know, he usually is-”

“KENT, ARE YOU HERE?”

“Why did you feel the need to scream? You could have just walked over and knocked on his door!”

“I could have, but he heard me from here and that means I don't need to walk over there. I also couldn’t guarantee he would hear a knock through his headphones. On top of that, it worked and doesn’t matter now.”

“Carol, you interrupted my match, like, what do you want?”

“Did you eat my donut Kent?”

“...”

“Aren't you going to say something? Did you eat my donut?”

“Are you, like, being serious right now?”

“Of course I am, this is regarding one of my donuts.”

“Carol, Have you forgotten I break into hives when I eat gluten? I’m literally incapable of eating your donut.” 

“... I was a bit too worked up to think about that fact, I'm really sorry for bothering you.”

“ I accept your apology Carol, but I’m, like, going back to my game now if you don’t need anything else?”

“I don't need anything else, thank you and enjoy your game.”

“Thanks Carol, I hope you figure out who ate your donut.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

“Alright Caroline, now that you figured out it's not Kent, what now? Will you blame me some more or call your girlfriend?”

“I can't imagine Riley ate it, but you also don't seem like you're lying when you say you didn't eat it. So I guess, I'm going to call her now.”

“Good plan.”

“Hey there Care Bear! I’m driving and can only talk for so long but what's up?”

“Well, my love, do you know anything about the donut that was on the counter?”

“Yeah of course I do!”

“Okay, sorry for… wait, what? What do you know about it?”

“I know that it was there when I got up and that it was delicious, I can't wait to see John’s face when he finds out it's gone!”

“Why exactly did you eat the donut?”

“Oh, well, John stole and ate my pudding cup last night and I wanted to get revenge.”

“...”

“Care bear? It’s really quiet on your side, did the call fail?”

“... My love, that was my donut.”

“...The donut you were using to reward yourself for staying polite with customers at your job? That donut?“

“Yes, that donut.”

“...I believe I’ve made a grave mistake… Would you be okay with me buying you a replacement donut?”

“ Yeah, I’d really appreciate that honestly”

“Okay Care Bear, I'll be there in about an hour! Love you!”

“I love you too my dear.”

“...So, Caroline, now that you know it wasn’t me, are you willing to apologize for accusing me?”

“While I did end up being wrong, you are also notoriously a food stealer. So accusing you after finding you over an empty food plate feels justified to me.”

“Hmm, I suppose that does make sense but still feels unjust. And you also kinda wasted my time. So maybe you could repay me with your donut.”

“...Did you actually just say ‘unjust’ to me and suggest I give you my donut?”

“I suppose I did, yes”

“John, you’ve stolen the food of EVERYONE here! Multiple times! If food goes missing, there’s a 95% chance we could find it in your stomach! And you think I’m being unjust in accusing you? On top of that, you have the AUDACITY to suggest I give you my donut? Yeah, I wasted a bit of your time, but that’s only because you can’t be trusted around food! That’s your own fault and me ‘wasting your time’ is the consequence. 

“So that’s a no?”

“Of course it’s a no! In fact. If I didn’t have both my girlfriend and a donut to look forward to, I’d make what I did last time you ate one of my donuts look downright saintly.”

“Okay! okay! It was only a joke! Just me pulling your chain! I learnt my lesson last time and do not need a repeat course!”

“Are you sure about that John?”

“Yes! I’m very sure.”

“I see, in that case, you can go to your room now, you don’t need to wait with me to see me get my donut.”

“I think I’ll actually stick around a bit longer, it feels wrong to go through all this and not see you enjoy the donut.”

“Very well, and don’t worry, I’m going to enjoy that donut very, very much.”