Thanks for Shopping

This was always my favorite part of the night. Stepping out of my mom’s SUV, I lifted my eyes to the night sky. The benefit of living in a small town was the lack of light pollution and that meant my eyes could capture every sparkling light that danced before them. As usual, I automatically identified the big dipper aaaaaaaaand there was the little dipper. And my favorite, Orion’s Belt. Well, it was my favorite because it was one of the three constellations I could identify. I closed my eyes and breathed in the late summer air. My favorite part of the night always preceded my least favorite part of the night. I let out my breath slowly and walked towards my house. Because that’s what it was, a house, not much of a home.

I closed the door behind me and spied my brother on the living room sofa, glued to his computer screen playing World of Warcraft or Minecraft, or whatever game occupied his time and further fueled his anger issues. “Hey,” I said softly. He merely grunted in reply. I walked up the stairs to my room and shedded the scratchy red polo I was forced to wear at my job. I headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge. I was ravenous after a ten-hour shift. I spied Go-gurt, chocolate milk, and cottage cheese. My mom must have gone shopping today, although I don’t remember seeing her at the store. I must’ve been on break…

Interrupting my own trailing thoughts, I grabbed the cottage cheese and the bag of Doritos from atop the fridge. It was my guilty pleasure. I took my snack and lumbered up one set of stairs and then another.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hi, Sweetheart. How was work today?”

She looked exhausted. Dark circles were embedded under her eyes and her tangled hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in days.

“It was fine.” I popped a chip into my mouth and crunched happily. “An 87-year-old man hit on me and a little girl said I looked like Elsa.”

“That’s nice, hun. I remember when I was your age. I wish I had that kind of energy.”

“Did you go to the store today?” I asked her, though I was doubtful. She may have looked like crap now but she always made an effort in public.

“No, I wasn’t feeling up to it. Allen went for me. I was going to clean up around the house today so I took some medicine and rested a bit. Next thing I knew it was dinnertime and your brother asked if we could order pizza. I told him we didn’t have the mon- “

“Mom,” I interrupted her. “Did you do anything today? Or look for a job?”

“I have been looking, Amelia. There’s a lot I can’t do because of the pain in my knee.” She was starting to sound irritated but I didn’t care.

“Well, I can’t keep bailing you out. I have to save up for college.” My patience was running thin.

“I know.” Her tone was cold. 

“Well then DO something about it!”

“Do not yell at me!”

“I AM NOT YELLING. I’M RAISING MY VOICE.” I yelled and stomped out of the room. I ran down the stairs and slammed my bedroom door. 

I started working at Castleton’s just before the end of my senior year of high school. It was one of those chain grocery stores that ran rampant in this part of the country, meaning there was one in every town. It was also supposed to be a temporary job, one that I worked at in the summer to save up some money for college and came back to during winter break for a little extra pocket money. But things like this almost never work out how you expect. I didn’t start college that Fall because even after qualifying for all possible financial aid and working my butt off, there just wasn’t enough money. That’s what it always came down to in my life. It’s why I spent one winter taking ice-cold showers when the water heater broke or the time I spent my 17th birthday crying my eyes out after a screaming match with my mother. So, I was taking an involuntary gap year and working as a cashier until I could go away to college and escape the life I so vigorously despised. And maybe I could be a better version of myself because I was a disgrace of a daughter, only pretending to be innocent in front of my friends, at least, that’s what my mom told me. And mother does know best, after all.

“Morning Amelia,” Richard had a smile on his face, he always did.

“Good morning, Richard! It’s going to be a great day!”

“You’re always so cheerful, Amelia.” Richard walked off towards the break room and I punched in.

Always cheerful. I rolled the word around on my tongue and plastered a realistic smile on my face. Someone had to be.

“Hi, Sara,” I skimmed the break sheets with my tired eyes and attempted to put some pep in my step, “Has it been busy today? I’m ready for a fun-filled day here at your local Castleton’s supermarket!!” Did people actually buy this facade?

“Amelia! I’m so glad you’re here. It has been crazy busy so far and I just sent Simon to break. Can you please jump on register 3?” Sara said in exasperation.

“Sure! No problem!”

I flipped on the light and turned the register sign from closed to open.

“I CAN TAKE THE NEXT CUSTOMER ON THREE!!” I belted out like a rising Broadway star.

One of my favorite things about working at a grocery store is that we almost always had business because, well, everyone has got to eat. It kept me busy, made my shift go by quickly, and took my mind off other things. The other thing I loved about working at a grocery store, well this grocery store, was all the cute young guys. One young man, in particular, caught my attention. His name is Derek. Derek is tall, good-looking, and possesses a certain type of charm that can’t help but make you smile. And boy did I gush whenever he walked in my direction. I wasn’t particularly good at hiding it. And since Derek had a reputation for bedding every female in the store, he didn’t mind the attention. 

Derek walked up to me and flipped my sign.

“Amelia, you’re going to break.” Derek smiled and I had to restrain myself from leaning in and sniffing him.

I never understood why it’s weird to smell people. Isn’t that why we wear perfume or colognes? So that we smell nice to other people, specifically those we’re trying to attract.

“Okay, cool,” I smiled and sauntered off. Why was I such a weirdo?? I had the next fifteen minutes to think about it.

“Wait up!”

I turned and watched Derek approaching me.

“I’m going on break too,” again he smiled and this time he was close enough that the scent of his cologne was intoxicating.

“Cool,” I commented weakly and tried to smile, though I myself was the complete opposite of cool.

We walked up to the break room door and Derek grabbed the door handle, blocking my path. His eyes slowly trailed over me from my face down to my worn, ratty sneakers. My mouth went dry.

“Amelia,” he smiled. This had to be classified as torture. “Amelia, I like your shirt,” his grin widened and my face turned as red as my polo. 

Was he screwing with me? Did he like me? Or did he just view me as his next conquest on his ever-growing list of girls? And why did I care so much?

“Um, thanks. I like yours too.” 

Derek finally opened the door and I flew past him to wait out my humiliation. Hopefully, he wouldn’t talk to me in there. And sure enough, while I buried my face in Pride and Prejudice, I watched him flirt with the pharmacy girl who was at the top of that aforementioned list.

After my break, the day wasn’t particularly eventful. We had the usual bus of senior citizens with their cat-pee soaked reusable bags and orders of bread, milk, eggs, and you guessed it, thirty cans of cat food. Then around 4 o’clock was the after school rush where middle-aged mothers bought cartfuls of food while dragging along three whining grade-schoolers and a toddler at the hip.

“Would your kids like some stickers?” I ask the mother, sympathetic to her predicament.

The day lumbers on until it’s only me and one other cashier. I have the lovely task of closing up shop, in the front end, at least. It’s now 9:45 and I’m only about 15 minutes from freedom.

“Alright Ben, I need you to collect the rest of the carts from the lot then you can go home.” 

“Okay, Amelia! I’ll get it done quickly!” He rushes out the door and I grab the phone.

I dial 222 and bring the speaker up to my mouth.

“Attention shoppers, the time is now 9:45 and we will be closing in fifteen minutes. We ask that you bring your final purchases to the front of the store and as always, thank you for shopping at Castleton’s!”

I put the phone back on the receiver, hoping there isn’t actually anyone left in the store.

“Hey.”

I turn at the sound and plaster a smile to my face. Fifteen more minutes.

“Oh, it’s only you.” I turn back to my register and grab the spray bottle, spraying the belt and wiping it down with inhuman speed.

“I wanted to talk to you. I was hoping we could hang out sometime. Maybe after work?” 

Arthur was a nice kid. I call him a kid but he’s only one year younger than me. He works as a stock boy in the store. He’s not bad looking and he’s very sweet. Another plus is that he hasn’t slept with half my co-workers but for whatever reason, that’s not the type of guy I’m attracted to.

“Sorry, I can’t. I work til close. And I have to go straight home.” I’m hoping he’ll take the hint and leave, but he never takes the hint. 

“What about another day? A day you get off early,” he asked hopefully and I almost considered saying yes. 

Did I feel bad because I was a good person or a weak person?

“I close every day this week. Sorry.” I turn to the clock. 9:55. “I have to do another announcement. I’ll see you later.

 I look at the time and it’s 10:22. The last customer left at 9:35. Ben left at 9:59. The deli girls left at 10:05. And although I didn’t see Arthur leave, I could only hope he wasn’t waiting for me in the break room to walk me to my car. Although, sometimes I didn’t mind too much. This was a shady town and one never knew who was lurking in the shadows of the building. Anyways, I should’ve been out of here ten minutes ago but my manager liked to keep me waiting for whatever reason. I decided enough is enough and picked up the phone. It’s ringing. ringing. Still ringing. He’s not picking up. I redial. I hear the ringing but it’s coming from somewhere behind me. I turn and see Alex striding my way.

“It’s about time, Alex. I want to go home.” I was particularly irritated tonight. I had a long shift and it was unusually busy. “Let’s hurry up and put the tills in the safe.”

“Relax, Amelia,” he took a sip from a Redbull and kept his gait slow and his manner light. “It’s not like you have anything better to do.”

“Well, no, but I do work another 12 hour day tomorrow and I’d like to get some rest.” What I’d really like to do is wring his neck but I have a performance review coming up.

“Why do you work so much anyway? I’m not gonna lie, you’re pleasant to have around, always so cheerful, but you should take a day off, maybe spend it with your boyfriend.”

 I snorted. “Please, Alex. You and I both know that’s NEVER gonna happen.” I start grabbing the cash from the tills, happy to have the distraction.

“Well, why not? You’re pretty. Maybe if you gave someone a chance. And I mean someone other than that manwhore, Derek.” Alex grabbed the last of the cash and we headed for the safe in the office. He started opening the safe while I signed us in.

“So far, the only other offer I have is Arthur and I’m not interested.” I start doodling on a sticky note, ready for this conversation to be over. I hope my brother didn’t eat the rest of the Doritos. I hope my mom’s asleep when I get home. My thoughts are interrupted as the presence of a tall figure looms over me and a large hand rests on my shoulder. I slowly turn around as unease rises in my gut.

“That’s not the only offer you have,” Alex looked at me but his laidback manner was replaced with a rigidity that sent a chill through my bones.

“I-I have to go home now.'' I tear his hand off me and reach for the door. I pull it open as he grabs my wrist, pulling me back. He slams me against the counter and I sink to the floor. My breathing becomes quick and I can feel my face go hot as tears start to well up in my eyes. 

“Don’t worry, Amelia. I’m a good guy. I won’t hurt you. I just want to spend some time with you.” He reaches down and tries to pull me toward him but my instincts are to retreat. I feel sick. “I just want to TALK TO YOU!”

“STOP!” I scream. But there’s no one left in the store. Everyone’s gone home. The night crew is in the storage room at the back of the store. And I’m an 18-year-old girl, trapped in an office with my superior. He’s bigger and stronger and older. Maybe my mom was right, I’m a liar. I’m worthless. All those smiles. That cheerful attitude. It’s a hoax. I deserve this. Maybe Alex is right, I’m chasing after someone who doesn’t even want me and now that someone else finally does want me, I shouldn’t throw it away. I let my body go limp and feel myself being pulled to my feet. Alex starts to peel off my dingy red polo. I close my eyes and try to ignore as every cell in my body tells me to resist, to keep fighting. But I’m nothing. 

All of a sudden, I feel Alex’s hands on me go rigid and a loud voice breaks the silence.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER, SCUMBAG!!!!”

I’m thrown to the floor and open my eyes to see Arthur standing over me. He’s a lot smaller than Alex but that doesn’t stop him from running at him full force. I scramble out of the office and watch as Alex throws his fist square into Arthur’s nose. I can hear a gut-wrenching crack and blood starts pouring onto the carpet. That doesn’t stop Arthur from ramming his fist into Alex’s jaw. Alex screams. He looks angry but I don’t stick around to find out what happens next. I run back to the front of the store and grab the phone, dialing 911. 

When the cops arrive, they take both Alex and Arthur to the hospital. I tell them Alex threw the first punch. I don’t tell them why. Once they leave I sit in my car and roll back the moon roof. I find the big dipper, the little dipper, and finally, Orion’s belt. I feel a bit calmer as I keep my gaze transfixed skyward. The stars may seem to last forever but even they eventually change, die, and reform. I can only hope this season of my life is temporary. I start the car and drive home because right now, that’s what I need it to be. A home.