The last interview

Mary left her current job, as a teacher because of some differences that she could no longer tolerate after she realized that she could do a lot better only if she gets a good opportunity and supportive environment. She quickly started to look for job requirements in newspapers and on the internet. Days went by but her motivation didn’t fell short for even one moment, and after many attempts and scouring over various paper and websites she finally short listed three schools where she direly wanted to apply. Only one of them was quite special to her so she determined to go there first.  

One morning, she woke up with great enthusiasm and  started immediately to prepare herself for the challenge ahead but a voice kept lingering in the back of her mind," it won't work, it won't work", but she tossed  it aside with all her might, and focused her whole attention on the positive, on this yet another  opportunity of which she was more afraid of, than just hopeful, but there was something else that was making her restless, because nervousness was a usual reaction of which she was used to, but today was something different.

She didn't even had a family member whom she could talk to as she lived alone in her apartment, well not alone but with her cats but what  they could do to assure her about interviews. Her friends, on the other hand, were done long ago with supporting her as even they had no will left anymore to encourage her after doing it countless times before. She reached the building where she was called at 9 in the morning but she went an hour earlier so she could familiarize herself with the procedure and calm herself down while appearing confident.

She entered the university where she wanted to teach from a long time and had been rejected one time already but that didn't discourage her from appearing with full enthusiasm because she knew that it was worth the effort, even she was determined to apply again if she doesn't make it this time. She looked at the familiar classrooms, the hall and staff cabins and experienced all the memories coming back from when she used to come here as a child with her father who was a professor there for almost 15 years. The infrastructure was almost the same which made her revisit the memory of seeing it for the very first time but nobody from the staff recognized her who otherwise used to greet her with a smile on their faces and gave her special treatment whenever she came to wait for her father, because they were all replaced or were just too old and forlorn to remember her. Everyone, from the professors to the office staff to the attendants and lab assistants all called her "little professor" and teased her saying ,"What subject will you be teaching miss little professor?" to which she just shrugged and smiled but sometimes answered, "The same which dad teaches", everyone looked at her with surprise and disbelief and said," Sure why not, but you must work very hard to learn advanced chemistry to be able to teach it like your father", then she didn't understand the sarcasm in their comments but today she was here with a master's degree in advanced chemistry and stood here and knew that teaching it to a group of students was a task already wearisome but teaching like her father was a thing unattainable. She sat among the other candidates who also looked pretty nervous at least for what she imagined of. She saw them go inside one by one in the hall where orientations and commencements used to take place but was turned into an interview room today. She saw them entering inside with great confidence but return with a rather serious face which was hard to comprehend the emotions from. No less than fifty times she had reviewed her documents, revised and replayed what she was going to answer to the basic questions asked from her in the previous interviews in her mind. Finally her turn arrived, she got up and walked straight to the door and felt the weird strangeness before opening the door she felt every time, no matter how many times she had done it.  She held open the door and took one glance at the front table and at the interviewers as it was better to maintain eye- contact from the start. She looked at one woman and one man and one other person; she couldn't help but turn away her eyes from. Her heart which was beating so fast until now, she couldn't even feel being there, her hands and feet went cold, her throat suddenly felt dry. She didn't know what she should do, go inside, go out or stand right where she stood. The third person was her father whom she saw after 10 years who went separate ways from her after that unfortunate night years ago. She didn't wanted to go in, but she didn't wanted to make a scene but was it right to give her interview to the person whose face she didn't wanted to even see?  She pretended it wasn't as tremulous as it was for her, so she walked with the same air of confidence she was going inside with and without looking at him but she noticed from the corner of her eye that he was looking at her intently, nevertheless she knew he will play along. She sat down, passed her file on the desk towards them, never took her eyes off from the woman sitting in the middle and in front of her. They asked her a few questions regarding her qualifications and the places she had applied previously, they did look satisfied with her and then only they asked her to wait outside and the two other professors (she assumed) asked her father if he had any questions to which he replied in negation. She walked outside and only one voice kept echoing in her head, “Why, why he had to be here?”, “It was a mistake, but how could she have known that out of all previous professors they will call him to interview”, but she knew it was a common ritual here, last time she came, she met a professor who was his father’s colleague but she didn’t recognize her because that lady saw Mary in adulthood straight after when she saw her last wearing a frock. She sat there and replayed everything again and again and kept wondering what he must be thinking about her though she really didn’t want to. For her, he would be the last person she could care about, she didn’t care if he thinks that his daughter is not good enough and is still looking for a job, that she came to the same school looking for a job where his father used to work, even she imagined of him thinking that she came here so she’ll get a job because of some influence. “No, she resolved, she’ll never take a job this away, however she knew that her father is not the kind of person who would do any such thing”. She waited there, totally lost in her own mind then suddenly a woman went inside and after a few seconds emerged again holding a notepad with some papers on it and started calling names one by one, everyone heard theirs and responded consequently while she just looked at her in total bewilderment. Soon she called, Mary Williams, she stood up and sat down again. The woman then stated. “These are the names that have been shortlisted by our interview board for a second interview, and they will be notified about its details in a while, and the rest of the candidates, thanks for your participation, better luck next time, thank you all for coming” she nodded in affirmation and left everyone with either hope or disappointment. Mary got up and flew from there in a quick motion because she saw her father coming outside and while exiting the building, she didn’t want to give him a chance to talk to her. She came home but not in high spirits as she imagined before leaving the house in the morning. She was given a chance and she might get it but she didn’t want to, if he has any involvement in it, she hoped not, but how she could tell, she was also resenting her dramatic reaction as to not have taken the details for the next interview but she had their number, so she will inquire afterwards she thought.

Next day, she woke up with an aspiration to have a fresh mindset but got disappointed immediately when the image of her father entered her mind, “Why he had to be there?” she felt like it was her fault but she assured herself because it wasn’t. He was a person who she hated the most, not for what he did but how he reminded her of her own mistakes. She passed the next few days being completely preoccupied with half anticipation and half dreading the next interview. Finally, the day came and she had to face the same situation again but this time she wasn’t sure that she felt the same way about its outcome how she had previously, in all the other ones.

She went through the same procedure but with different people interviewing her, which made her feel very much at ease. She came out of the building and stood at the entrance waiting for a taxi, and then she suddenly heard someone call her name. She turned around and found her father standing behind her. She looked at him with a completely puzzled face but found him completely confident and with some amount of pre organized scheme in his mind and she didn’t like it. He just came forward and stood beside her and just then a taxi stopped in front of them, he didn’t say anything and just opened the door and gestured her to sit inside, she couldn’t comprehend whether to protest or just go along. It was a public place and she didn’t want to cause a scene in front of a reputed school where she supposedly will be teaching; so having no other choice she sat inside, he did too. On being asked by the driver “Where to?”, he just said “Where the lady tells”, she just looked at him grimly with the best scaring stare she had but no use as he just kept a calm face as if nothing is wrong.

So with no choice she told him her address, they sat in silence for a few minutes but then she couldn’t resist the urge to ask him “Why are you coming to my home?”

“Because we need to talk” he said with a justifying look, but Mary was firm not this time, not this time she’ll let him get away so easily, so she said with a stern voice, though it was very hard to converse with him as she hadn’t all these years and he was her father who just knew whatever she was thinking without even being around her all her childhood and adult life.

 “I don’t need to talk, you need to; I don’t have anything to say to you , alright so will you just get out of the car and go do whatever you were doing all these years “

“That’s how you talk with your father”

“Oh I don’t know how should I; I wasn’t around mine much”

“I think you should calm down, we’re outside we’ll talk when we get home”

“Okay first of all MY home, and secondly we won’t have to talk because you’re not coming to my house”

“SO will you get out on your own or should I tell him to stop the car, she said in one quick wave with no hint of vulnerability and really hoping that he’ll give in and go away.

But who was she kidding, he was her father who was the reason she got all her stubbornness and obstinacy. He just sat in total silence without a single change of expression. After the taxi stopped in front of her apartment building; they got out of the taxi and he paid for it, and she let him because she was too angry to argue with him on this, besides she didn’t come alone. He just followed to her apartment and the moment she got inside, she threw her bag on the sofa; didn’t even gave him a chance to sit down which he didn’t even consider, but stood there staring at everything with judgmental eyes.

She knew he was probably going to comment on something which he didn’t found very agreeable so she bombarded with all her anger first hand, “Why are you even here? ““What do you want?”

“I just want to talk, I know there have been some problems between us but if we’ll talk, things can become clearer.”

“SOME problems, are you joking?” ;”You remember right you left us when I was only in school and never looked back except when you wanted to project your aspirations and dictate our lives with your high expectations”

“I don’t even understand why am I even considering talking to you now; You are the kind of person who can never understand another person’s feelings, and admit what you did was wrong”, she wanted to say more but only this much came out of her mouth, she could feel the heat rising up in her cheeks and ears, she had to stop because if she spoke more, tears might fall from her eyes.

 “Listen to me, Mary, I know you’re angry but at least you should listen to me, I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY AFTER ALL, you don’t have to be so rude, just try to understand me a little”.

“Really, you expect me to understand, why should I, I HAVE ALL THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT YOU, and please don’t tell me what should I do and should not, because I have been doing that for myself all these years, and firstly do you care to tell me, where were you all this time and why suddenly you remembered you had a daughter?”

“It’s not like that, I have been meaning to talk to you for quite a long time, but I didn’t know how to reach out to you, and thank goodness I was called to do an interview for new recruitments at St. Claire’s and I saw you as an candidate there….”

“Yeah whatever, just know that I don’t want any of your involvement in anything that has to do with my career, you have interfered enough times before with my college application and first job , so just stay away from my business or you might not even get a chance to talk to me ever”

“After mom…….”, said Mary holding her tears with her anger,” I have been looking out for myself without any of your assistance and guidance, so please leave me alone.”

 “You think I interfere, I care for you because I am your only family, who do you think is going to care for you as much as I do, after your mother has passed away it is my responsibility to take care of you, even though I have always let you live your life on your own but you do need someone to help you when you are in need. “

She was standing this whole time but now her anxious  mind gave way and she had to sit down, she just kept her head in her hands and did not say anything  for some time, meanwhile her father sat down in a chair in front of her, kept looking at her and didn’t say anything either.

“Dad, I don’t care what you say, as for taking care of me, I have been doing that for a while……., not just a while but since I have been in my senses and mom has made me someone who can take care of herself, and if you only wanted to just care for me or help me, I would’ve trusted you but I know you won’t just stop there, you want to dictate my life, tell me what I should do and how I should  live up

-to your expectations and …… and”, she couldn’t make up words to say anything more.

“Alright, if you want to ….. I can’t argue with you, I’m……….” he sighed, and got up and headed for the door, but turned and took an envelope from his pocket and kept it on the table, this is a list of the preferred candidates and they have already made their mind for you, I just wanted to give it to you and….. Also, No, they don’t know you are my daughter…….Congratulations on the new job”, he said and went out the door and closed it behind him.

Mary picked up the letter and kept looking at it without opening it, then when tears fell from her she quietly wiped them with the back of her shirt’s sleeve, got up and opened a drawer and safely put the letter inside it.