The Moments We Keep

Sol sat on one of the benches in front of her school, waiting for her mom to pick her up. It was 1pm. They’d had a half-day since the teachers had a conference from 2-6pm. Sol should’ve been happy. She loved half days for obvious reasons. But school, as short as it was, had been absolutely lousy. She spilled juice on her skirt before leaving the house and didn’t have time to change and her arch nemesis, Billy, had taken the opportunity to point it out every chance he got. “Look everyone! Sol pissed herself!” Sol of course got angry and denied it, but it was a lost cause. Billy had said ‘pissed’ and her fellow 3^rd grade classmates found it hilarious. It didn’t matter that everyone knew Sol hadn’t pissed herself. The situation was funny, and so they laughed. It didn’t help that Sol was pretty much an outcast. She was one of those kids who liked to participate in class, who enjoyed reading and writing and most of her classmates found this strange, so they avoided her. She had two friends who were also on the nerdy side, both of whom were unfortunately absent today. She endured the teasing, fighting back the urge to call Billy names she had heard her parents say when they were angry, but she knew enough that those words would get her into trouble. So, she took it. And she reminded herself that it was only a half-day. And then the bell had rung, and Billy teased her once more making everyone laugh, but she ignored it. And then Ms. Kessler had pulled her aside, telling Sol that Billy teased so much because he liked her. And even though Sol could feel that this was somehow wrong, she said nothing. Ms. Kessler was an adult and therefore not to be contradicted. And then the day was finally done. She was free. And now she sat waiting for her mother and she could actually feel tears of joy rising to the surface when she saw her mom finally pull into the lot.

Diana was taken aback by her daughter’s enthusiasm. Sol had rushed to the car when Diana pulled up, thrown open the passenger door and pounced on Diana with a hug.

“Woah!” Diana had said laughing, “You ok, mija?”

Sol nodded against Diana’s shoulder but when Sol pulled away, Diana could see the tears in her daughter’s eyes and immediately felt Mama Bear mode take over.

“What’s wrong?” Diana asked, searching Sol’s eyes intently.

Sol sat back in the seat and stared straight ahead, “Nothing…just glad to be done,” she said and sighed.

Diana stared at her daughter.

The sigh was the sigh of an adult, not an 8-year-old.

“Nothing?” Diana asked.

Sol nodded, still staring straight ahead.

Diana sighed this time and started to drive.

As they drove, Diana glanced over at Sol occasionally, who was still staring straight ahead.

“Talking about things can sometimes make it better,” Diana said, knowing that sometimes Sol needed a little nudge.

Sol looked over at Diana, clearly deciding whether or not to talk and Diana stared at the road, leaving the space open for Sol to make a choice.

“It…It was Billy. He teased me. He said I pissed myself,” Sol said softly.

Diana could feel the immediate rage spark in her stomach.

Billy. That little shit.

“Oh mija, I’m sorry,” Diana said, hoping the rage wasn’t evident in her voice, “Did Ms. Kessler step in?”

Sol shrugged, “She told him to stop but it didn’t help. And then she told me that Billy only teased me because he liked me.”

Diana unintentionally pressed hard on the brakes, making Sol scream.

“Sorry!” Diana said and decided to pull over.

The rage was too much at this point.

Once she stopped, she looked over at her daughter who was already looking at her with wide eyes.

“I want you to listen carefully,” Diana said slowly, “Anyone who teases you, who is mean to you in any way is a come mierda, do you hear me?”

Sol giggled but nodded.

“The idea that he teases you because he likes you is bullshit,” Diana continued ignoring Sol’s continuous giggles at the curse words, “Men need to respect you. Anyone who likes you needs to respect you and I am going to have a talk with Ms. Kessler about that.”

Sol immediately stopped giggling and whined, “No mami. Please! It’ll just make things worse.”

Diana looked at her daughter’s pleading face. She remembered what it was like to be a child. The peer pressure. The seemingly small arguments that felt so immense. So overwhelming. But she also knew that if Sol didn’t stick up for herself now, it would just get harder further down the road.

“Sol…No one is going to give you the respect you deserve unless you demand it,” Diana said softly, watching her daughter’s face fold into an expression that she hadn’t seen before.

It was serious. It was adult. It was terrifying.

Diana looked out the window.

The sun was bright and there was a cool breeze. It was beautiful.

And it was at that moment that Diana made a spontaneous decision.

“You want to go to the beach?” she asked.

Sol sat in the passenger seat stunned.

Her mom never did things like this.

They lived their lives by a fairly strict schedule.

“Spontaneity is for rich people,” she had heard her mother often say.

And yet here she was, offering an unplanned beach trip.

Sol practically jumped with excitement.

“Yea!” she yelled, the day’s frustration almost completely erased from her mind.

Her mom laughed, “Ok, I’m gonna call your papi to let him know our plans.”

Sol watched as her mom called.

This was amazing.

A beach day!

Once her mom was off the phone, they were on their way.

“What do you want to listen to?” her mom asked.

“Taylor Swift!” Sol replied.

All the way to the beach Sol screamed along with Taylor and didn’t even notice her mom’s occasional grimaces.

Sol could sense the change in the air as they neared the ocean.

The breeze was cooler and full of the scent of the sea.

Sol loved that smell.

She leaned her head out the window and breathed it in.

Her mother laughed.

“Like it, huh?” her mother asked.

Sol nodded and smiled.

They arrived and pulled into the closest lot.

Sol jumped out of the car and ran around to meet her mother.

“Can we get snow cones?” Sol asked, already drooling.

“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” her mother responded seriously.

Sol laughed and held her mother’s hand.

The worst day in the world had suddenly turned into the best day.

They walked down to the pier, Sol looking around and taking everything in.

The last time they’d been to the beach had been last summer, and to Sol that felt like a century.

Her mom bought them two snow cones: strawberry for Sol, Cherry for her mom.

They sat on a nearby bench and ate; watching the people go by, watching the waves roll onto the sand.

Sol closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sun.

Gorgeous.

“So,” she heard her mother say, “About Ms. Kessler…”

Sol uttered an involuntary groan and opened her eyes to her mother laughing.

Diana understood.

Sol wanted to forget and move on.

But Diana knew that this was one of those “moments.”

It was a perfect opportunity to talk about what it meant to defend yourself. To stand up even when it was scary.

“Sol,” Diana continued, “The Billys of the world have to learn that it’s not it ok to tease. It’s not ok to be mean.”

Sol nodded but said nothing. Just kept taking small bites of her snow cone.

“The world…isn’t fair,” Diana said slowly, trying to find the right words; trying not to scare too suddenly. Sol was only 8, after all. But still. When a lesson revealed itself, weren’t you supposed to take advantage?

“The reality is that because you are a girl, some people are going to try and treat you a certain way,” Diana continued.

“What way?” Sol asked, looking up.

“Some people think that men are better than women,” Diana replied.

“That’s crazy,” Sol scoffed.

Diana smiled, “It is crazy. But unfortunately, some people believe that. And they’ll try to make you believe that too. And sadly, people like Ms. Kessler don’t make the situation any better.”

“But Ms. Kessler is nice,” Sol protested.

“She is nice,” Diana agreed, “But telling you that Billy is mean to you because he likes you is not ok. By telling you that, Ms. Kessler is continuing the idea that men are better than women. That it’s ok for a boy to mean to you because that’s how he shows he likes you. Would you be mean to someone because you liked them?”

Sol shook her head.

“I didn’t think so,” Diana continued, “I know you like Ms. Kessler. I do too. But I don’t like that Billy gets away with teasing you. It’s not ok. And think about this: If you don’t stand up for yourself, Billy is going to keep doing it because he can. And he may even continue his behavior with other girls.”

Diana watched her daughter stare out at the ocean.

She could see what seemed like a million different thoughts cross Sol’s face and she wondered if maybe she had gone too far. Was it too much for an 8-year-old? Should she have waited to have this discussion? She could feel the wave of anxiety that comes so often with parenting, but she held her tongue. She waited for Sol.

Sol looked at her mother and said, “Ok. I’ll talk with Ms. Kessler.”

Her mother beamed and Sol felt immediate pride.

“But...” Sol continued, “Will you be there with me?”

“Of course,” her mom responded, “I will absolutely be there.

Sol smiled, “Ok then.”

Sol looked down the pier at the ferris wheel and the roller coasters and the arcade games and turned to her mom.

Before she could even ask, her mom stood and held out her hand,

“Ferris wheel?” her mom asked.

Sol squealed with glee and her mom laughed.

They rode the rides and Sol got popcorn and M&Ms and she felt like she was on cloud nine. Junk food was a rare treat.

She convinced her mom to play Mortal Combat with her and laughed when her mom got really into it.

“You should know,” her mom said, “That I was the Mortal Combat champion. You don’t stand a change youngin.”

And her mom was right. Sol only won one out of five games.

Afterwards, they walked down to the beach and sat on the sand watching the sunset.

Sol gazed out and felt an indescribable feeling.

She was too young for the words.

And because she was too young, she leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder and just said, “Thank you.”

She felt her mom kiss her head, “You’re welcome, mija. Anything for you.”

And Sol looked out across the sea, thinking about school, and Billy, and Ms. Kessler, and she started thinking about what next year would be like, and the year after that, and she felt an overwhelming sense of the future, and she scooted closer to her mom and said, “I wish we could stay here forever.”

Diana looked down at Sol.

She put her arm around her daughter and said nothing at first.

She could remember the day that Sol was born. Every detail almost. She could remember the day that Sol took her first steps, said her first word. Much to Diana’s chagrin it was, “Papi.” She remembered Sol riding a bike for the first time, the first time Sol came home with scraped knees. Sol was only 8, but already there was so much that had passed. So many firsts already done. And she was growing fast, as children so often do. And she was smart which meant that she was growing even faster. And Diana knew that way too soon Sol would be a teenager and probably not want to hang out as much, not want to play Mortal Combat or go to the beach just them two. And so, Diana held onto her daughter, and they breathed in the sea together and she savored the moment as much as she could.

She pulled Sol closer and said softly, “Me too…but we should get home to your papi. He probably misses us.”

Sol nodded and they made their way back to the car.

The day they had was already fading away into the past, but the memory of it was imprinting itself on their minds for an eternity.