Goodbye Autumn

“So you two are really making it work?” Jake asks Dave as they cheers to the last week of summer vacation. 

Jake drinking a lukewarm beer he found next to empties on the floorboards of his janky Camry. Dave drinking Mango Gatorade he swooped from his parents garage fridge, the one containing cold beers and hard seltzers, on his way out the door. 

“We’re great bud. She really makes me happy,” says Dave.

“I’m honestly surprised as hell but happy for you. Who woulda thought. How’d this even start?”

“I know right?” Dave takes a sip, leans back, and lets an innocent grin sneak over his face. The kind of smirk of someone absorbed in simplicity, blind to the brevity of their current predicament. 

“It’s crazy how things work out,” Dave said. “I first noticed her at my sister’s soccer banquet when she ran in looking like Harley Quinn . She was late because of the school play. In full make up she made the entire crowd laugh during her awkward acceptance speech for team MVP. From that day on I’d see her everyday carrying her guitar between 4th-5th period. I had to talk to her and before I knew it I was asking her to prom.”

“Wow that’s awesome dude,” Jake says partially tuned in, more focused on his beer.

The two boys sit dangling their feet from the tailgate of Dave’s trusty old pickup truck. It had been the typical wild summer vacation. Blackout beach trips, binge drinking camp outs, going away ragers threatening the beauty of any family home. Naive teenagers out doing their last ‘send off party’.

Not for Dave however. This beer slamming, girl chasing, letterman touting toolbox was wrapped up in next season. Summer lead Dave to Autumn. Starring in most Hampton High plays, Autumn was a soccer playing thespian who could sing you into a trance after only a few strokes of her guitar or out juggle you with a soccer ball if she needed to put you in your athletic place. She’d beat you to the punch line while out goofing you on the dance floor. Notorious for turning an evening of Harry Potter viewing into an evening of impressions. 

Her long flowing hair matching the color of her name, a perpetual mischievous glint in her sunflower eyes, her playful sense of teasing. All this infatuated Dave. Autumn was beautiful, but to her, she was ordinary. Foreign to poising her Temple or swearing for emphasis, she knew how have a good time the innocent way. 

There was one thing that made here vastly different from the Hampton High School expectation of who Dave Thomas’s girlfriend ought be. She was Mormon. But that didn’t matter to Dave. 

“It’s about damn time you took a break to kick it,” Jake said throwing back more warm beer. “Thought you went all Danny Zuko on me bro. So tell me, what’s it like turning a mormon girl into a sinner?”

“Awe man, you know she’s not like that.”

“Bullshit.”

 “I mean we may have gotten a little ‘Frenchy’ to compliment your shitty Grease reference but it’s not that kind of thing.”

“Wow, you’ve dated this girl for how long? Took her to prom, stayed nights alone at her place while her mom worked late, ditched how many crazy parties and you still haven’t done the dirty yet!?” The boys were right, she really is a prude.”

“Whatever. Are you done with that beer yet?” Dave said, glancing at his watch, “I told her I’d be over in 20 minutes thirty minutes ago.”

Jake lets out a ground rumbling belch, “Shit, we literally just got here but alright. Judging by how hard it’s been to hang this may be the last time I see you before you’re off to Tucson.”

“I guess so. I’ll let you know if I free up before I take off.”

“That’s 3 days away. I won’t hold my breath.”

The boys jump off the tailgate, bump fists, and climb into their vehicles. As the Camry speeds off Dave sits typing out a text, “Sorry I’m late OMW now.”

Autumn replies instantly, “No worries I have a surprise for you when you get here!”

“A surprise?” Dave thinks to himself. His mind jumping to a half dozen scenarios, Maybe she cooked. Did she get us tickets some where? Maybe she just has the ball game on. Is she messing with me? Maybe she’s naked! No, she’s definitely not naked. His heart leaps, Maybe she’s not going to Berkeley after all. Maybe she’s found a part time gig in Arizona! Hopeful, he heads to Autumn.

As he draws closer he decides to surprise her too. With a sharp turn, crossing two lanes of traffic with horns erupting, he swings into to a supermarket’s parking lot. In and out with the precision of Seal Team 6, Dave whistles as he floats back to his truck.

7pm early August in Southern California is a beauty to behold. Cozy beach breezes making their way inland complemented by pastel colored skies. Birds tweeting themselves to sleep, kids playing in the street while families walk their tongue flapping dogs. Whole neighborhoods feel alive.

It’s a vibrant evening like this when Dave, approaching Autumn’s front door, feels a sudden burst of anxiousness. Thinking to himself, This is the second to last time I’ll knock on this door for quite a while, with one hand behind his back, eager to discover his surprise, he rings the doorbell and hammers their signature knock.

“Come in! I’ll be out in 2 seconds.”

Autumn’s cat Jax instantly welcomes Dave purring loudly at his feet as he enters, “Hey there bud, long time no see. Your motor is running loud today.” 

Distracted as he bends over to to pet the orange furball, Dave misses Autumn entering the room. “SURPRISE!” She sings, “How do you like the new look?”

Dave’s snaps straight up nearly lifting off the floor, “No you didn’t, what happened to you hair!?”

Autumn twirls and curtsies “What, you don’t like it? I changed it up to match those other ladies of yours.” She continues posing as if she were in a Vogue photoshoot.

“What other ladies of mine? Haha You’re nuts, where’d you get that hideous thing?” 

She flirts, “I look Reese Witherspoon if she were hit in the face with a gigantic spoon. I found it in my closet as I was clearing out my room. Can’t believe only 2 more days”

“Don’t remind me. Take that craziness off. You look like Sheryl Crow, if she were an actual crow. Sorry I’m late, I stopped by Lucky’s and snagged you these.”

“Oh Slick their beautiful! Sunflowers, you remembered.” Blushing, Autumn leans in kissing Dave on the cheek. 

“Of course I remembered. But was that actually my surprise? One of your old wigs from Mrs. Sanders drama class?” Dave complains. 

“Yeah of course, what were you expecting? Wait, were you thinking…”

Dave hesitates, “No never mind, I’m being dumb.”

“Come on, tell me.”

“It’s nothing, honestly.”

Autumn insists, “Slick tell me, what did you think?” The playfulness in her voice evaporating. 

“Auts forget it. I thought the wig was funny. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

“You thought we’d do the other thing didn’t you?”

Dave laughs, defusing the intensifying situation “No no not at all. Honestly, don’t worry about it. Lets make some grub and watch a movie.”

Dave picks up Jax who is still tangled between his legs, and heads to the kitchen. Autumn shrugs and follows with a skeptical look in her eye. 

The two begin their typical date night. Macaroni & Cheese with tuna over boardgames, playful piano lessons, followed by cuddles through another Harry Potter movie. If they’re feeling crazy, maybe they’ll crack open a Hansen’s Soda to wash down the buttery Jiffy Pop. 

Normally these evenings are all laughs, but that night something was off. 

Fueled with the drug of spontaneity, intoxicated by the stimulus of each others company, they’d failed to discuss any serious future. 

Dave struggles to verbalize his discomfort. Growing uneasy, incapable of taking a deep breath, Dave removes his arm from around Autumn’s shoulders sitting up straight.

“What’s wrong Slick?” Autumn asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah everything’s fine.”

“You’re acting funny. You can tell me, are you’re annoyed I won’t…”

“Autumn, not at all. You know that doesn’t matter to me. I’m confused about what we’re doing here? 

“What do you mean? Ron and Hermione are about to destroy some Horcruxes.” Autumn teases. 

“No I’m serious. I mean what are we doing here? Like you and I. You leave in less than 2 days now and we haven’t seriously discussed our future together. I like you Autumn, a ton. I’m just bummed it’s almost time for us to leave and you don’t seem the slightest bit down about it.” Dave feeling agitated, the presence foreign. He’d never felt any negativity towards her.

Autumn pauses for a moment, almost as if she’d been waiting for the question, “I’m sorry. I’m really sad summer is ending too. I’m honestly going to miss you, I think about it everyday but you know how much I’m looking forward to studying up north. Mrs. Sanders sent a letter of rec and everything.”

“I know it’s just…it’s just that you haven’t even introduced me as your boyfriend your mom. Meanwhile my yearbook is filled up with people saying things like ‘I hope you and your girlfriend have a great summer’. And do you know how hard it is to work around my sister when she asks if we’re ‘official yet’,” Says Dave.

“I like like you Slick, you know this. I’m so proud of you for so many things. Quitting smoking, stopping drinking, not swearing as much. You even went to church with my mom and I.” She pauses, lowering her eyes to her hands as she fiddles with one of her many rings, “But I’ve made a promise to myself…”

“You’re getting married in a Temple and only the Mormon couple is aloud in the Temple.”

“Exactly” 

“I thought that was just a dream. A fairy tail you told yourself since childhood”

“A fairy tale? Since when did I give you the impression that was a fairy tail?”

“Since you….since uhhh, I guess you haven’t.”

Autumn now sitting up straight, looking directly into Dave’s eyes, maintains a lightness in her gaze. She reaches for Dave’s hand and holds it with both her own, a gentleness in her tone, making things crystal clear, “I’m going to marry a Morman Slick. I’ve had so much fun with you these past few months, but this isn’t changing.”

Dave deflates, as if the air in his wishful whoopee cushion completely farts out.

“But I love you” he says. 

With eyes glossing over, Autumn pauses again, never breaking eye contact “Oh Sliiiick” she groans. 

Dave new he messed up but it was the truth. He loved Autumn. His uncalculated move backfired. 

Moving in full retreat he becomes defensive, “You’re right. What am I saying? I feared this but never thought it would actually be true. I have to become some false Elder so we can be a couple. I’m never going to be your dream guy unless I wear a bike helmet and a necktie. Thank you for wasting so much of my time.”

“Wasting your time!? You don’t mean that.”

“I should go” Dave stands up.

“No come, sit down”

“No Auts, really, I have to go” he heads towards the door. 

“Dave wait!”

But Dave was up and out, tears creeping down his face. Things transpiring so quickly. The escalation a reflection of their companionship. The disconnect the converse of their history. Autumn as baffled as she was the day he first approached her. Dave, a slave to his impulses, gone as quickly as when he initially chased her down.

Later that night Dave lay restless on his bedroom floor. The ground too soft for such a disastrous evening. 

“3 new messages” reads his phone. Opening them would a symbol of weakness. Not trusting his own ability, he turns the phone over refusing to respond. 

But what did they say. Frustrated to the point of hives, Dave falls asleep, phone in his palm.

The following morning overcast skies paint his window. Dread instantly hitting him. He checks his phone with depressing enthusiasm. “6 new messages.” Panicking, he jerks upright and runs to the bathroom just in time for the vomit to hit the wastebasket. 

“What have I done” he thinks to himself. A wave a of regret washing over him.

Ripping apart at the seams, Dave has just enough energy to make it back on to his bed where he sinks back into a deep sleep. 

Waking again to pastel colors and children playing in his cul-de-sac, he eyes a note sitting under his door. He forces himself up to grab the letter, “Autumn called. I thought I heard you getting sick earlier so I didn’t want to wake you. She said check your phone. Hope every thing is okay. Love Mom…P.S. theres leftovers in the fridge.”

Finally giving into the urge, he swipes his phone open,

“Come back Slick” 11pm.

“What just happened” 11:02pm.

“Are you serious rn?” 11:13pm

“DAVE SAY SOMETHING!!! It doesn’t have to be like this???” 12:22am

“I’m sorry. I miss you. Please call me” 3am. 

“Okay I’ll stop bothering you” 5:32am. 

His heart sinks. Powerless to the essence of his soul, he knew he must respond. Causing Autumn pain went against his programing, a glitch in the Matrix.

He starts a text, cursor blinking, going back and forth for what seems like eternity. 

Autumn sucked away over 3 months of his final high school days. Beach parties, ragers, girls. All for what? Half ass piano lessons and reminders to brush your teeth for at least 2 minutes? 

Dave shuts his phone and heads downstairs. Leaving the device on his bed. He spends the rest of the evening focusing on family.

That evening he turns his phone off completely. Life was moving on and so should he. Autumn left at noon the next morning. He’d put her away, so he thought, until he was too busy discovering new life in Arizona.

Laying in bed he stirs, locking eyes with a bedside photo of them at Prom. He snaps the photo down and instantly lifts it back up. A memory flashes back of her training him the proper way to brush his teeth. Another flash and they’re on the beach, rolling in the sand consumed with uncontrollable laughter because Autumn face planted chasing Dave for squirting her with too much sunscreen. 

A lonesome tear rolls down his cheek. His eyes brake away as he rolls over. His hand toying with the bracelet she’d given him on their 3rd date. A frog finds its way into his throat, clumped there like a dam holding back the powers of a charging river. Despite serious struggle, he drifts off into light sleep.

He wakes to a sliding sound at his door. Another note coming in. He lugs out of bed out to catch his mother. 

As he swings open the door he freezes. There’s Autumn on one knee looking up as if caught stealing. 

“Wha…what are you doing here?” Dave blurts. 

“Hey Slick, I came by to drop off something but your mom insisted I come up and give it to you personally. I have it right here…”

“Hold on a sec let me throw some clothes on.” Dave glances behind Autumn, spotting his mother spying, “Mind if we meet outside?”

“Absolutely.”

Dave clings to a fainting bit of hope. Throwing yesterday’s clothes on he runs outside. Autumn stands behind her Subaru, tiny box in hand. His heart drops as he notices the stack of boxes taunting him through the Subaru’s back window.

“I’m heading up North but I want to give you this,” Autumn reaches out offering the box.

“What’s this?”

“Just a little something so you don’t forget about me. Go ahead open it.”

Dave cracks open the box. Packed inside are a dozen pieces of inside joke memorabilia. A picture of Dudley Dursley (the silliest HP character), a framed photo of them at prom (one of the only serious photos they took), another bracelet (for when the one Dave’s wearing wares through), a hand written poem (Dave wrote Autumn so many), and a few more items. 

Growing excited, Dave sifts through the items only to reach the final memento. There laying at the base of the box was a tiny Book of Mormon. He looks up.

“In case you ever want to…you know…” Autumn says, eyes watering.

“Yeah of course, thank you. This is all really great.” 

“I was planning on giving it to you the other night before everything happened.”

“Well thanks for coming by now.” 

They stand awkwardly, neither knowing what to say. 

Dave initiates, “I’m sorry for storming out. It’s just tough you know?”

“I know, I’m sorry too. Please keep in touch.”

“I will.”

“And if you ever feel up for it, read that book,” Autumn motions towards the box.

“Sure thing”

“I guess it’s time, I’ve got a long drive ahead. I’m really going to miss you Slick,” tears now running. “I like like you a lot.”

“I like like you too Auts.”

Autumn leans in and gives Dave one last kiss on the cheek. She backs away wiping her cheek.

She pauses a moment. A single flair sparking in her sunflower eye, a notion from her demons begging her to give into her heart’s true voice. Dave notices the fleeting glimmer. She turns and steps into her car ignites the ignition and is off.

Dave waits, holding the box in his hands as her Subaru turns the corner. A single leaf floating down to rest on his shoulder.