She Makes You Miserable

I hadn’t offered to help Nico set up for his New Year’s Eve party, but he had a way of roping me into things.

I had just walked in the door from an early shift at the coffee shop, still sweaty, sticky, and smelling of espresso, to find him standing on a desk chair to hang up streamers and balloons.

“Oh hey!” He grinned when he spotted me walking past him for my bedroom. Nico and I had met freshman year of college, seated next to each other in a freshman, intro-to-college kind of class. We were roommates the next three years and just kept living together after we graduated in an unspoken agreement. Neither of us had steady girlfriends we could move in with and I was sure as hell not moving back into my parents’ place, so we just kept being roommates. 

“Will you blow up some more balloons? I think I need more silver to balance out the arch,” Nico leaned back on the chair to survey the balloon arch that was now hanging in the middle of the living room wall, a curtain of streamers behind it, and huge balloon numbers laying on the floor.

“Who are you trying to impress with this party, dude?” I actually didn’t even know that he was going to be having a party, but I’ve kind of been in my own world lately I guess. “I mean, it looks really good, I just didn’t know you were going so all out tonight. A special New Year’s kiss?” 

His smile drops and his eyes cloud for just a second and suddenly I’m intensely anxious that I have offended him. But then he uses both of my shoulders to steady himself as he jumps off of the swiveling chair and his grin is restored when he looks back up at me.

My shoulders are tingling where the pressure of his hands just was. A flush of warmth washes up my neck and cheeks and I don’t know why the fuck I’m blushing. We’re buddies. We’ve lived together for four years now and strictly platonic, at least one of us having a girlfriend most of the time.

“I invited Makayla, but it seems like she’s blowing me off,” Nico grabbed a bag of balloons off the floor and forced several deflated silver balloons into my hands and grabbed more himself. 

“Well, you can do better than Makayla anyway.”

Nico looked up sharply from tying off a freshly inflated balloon, “We’re not like officially broken up dude, she’s just flaky.” 

“My point stands.”

Nico rolled his eyes and turned his back to me to tie the new balloons onto the arch. 

I’m not trying to be jealous or anything, but Makayla is every bit a spoiled sorority girl and Nico is frequently grumpy and silently sulks around the house after she “flakes” on him and doesn’t follow through on anything she agrees to do with him. 

“She makes you miserable, dude,” I handed him my balloons and finally made it to my bedroom for a shower and a nap.

… 

After scrubbing the syrup and coffee smell off of me, I crashed face down in bed and slept for several hours. Opening shifts are brutal and I will never get used to waking up at four in the morning.

I woke up because I heard music coming from the living room and Nico’s voice shouting along.

I forgot about Nico’s stupid party. 

It doesn’t sound like anyone but Nico is here so I head to the living room in my pajama pants.

I found Nico with all the blinds closed tight, a strobe light dancing around the room, and a speaker next to the couch playing some sort of Top 40 playlist. He’s sitting in the middle of the couch entirely focused on the strobing lights on the ceiling as they change colors.

When he noticed me in the hallway he paused the music, “Oh hey, good nap?” His eyes were rimmed in red, his eyelashes stuck together in little triangles like they do when you go swimming or cry. 

“Yeah, uh what’s happening here?” 

“Trying to figure out the right vibe for tonight,” Nico gestured broadly around the living room, an attempted cover up to subtly wipe his nose on his sleeve.

I sat down on the couch next to him to watch the strobe lights, “Makayla not coming?” I could feel his body stiffen next to me when he heard her name.

“I actually told her not to come. Officially ended things.”

“Good for you, man!” I nudged his knee with mine gently, but he kept his leg pressing against mine when I shifted back. Every cell in my right leg was awoken by the pressure of his leg on mine. “You deserve better.”

Nico didn’t respond right away, letting the silence fill the room and my mind to focus exclusively on the way his leg is pressing more firmly into mine and my heart is racing.

“What do you mean by that?” He finally asked, his voice quiet and searching.

Surprised, I turn to face him, but his head is down and he is picking at a string hanging off his pajama pants. I turn away again but sink lower into the couch before I answer so more of me is touching him. The whole side of my body feels alive and electrified, warm and glowing.

“You deserve to be treated better. Date someone who actually appreciates you.” I hadn’t liked Makayla from the second Nico introduced the two of us, but his dating life is none of my business so I never said anything. She really has been making him miserable the past few weeks though. We’ve lived together long enough that I notice when he starts to spend most of his day sleeping, taking all of his meals to his room and coming out with stacks of dirty dishes every now and then, wearing the same ratty tee shirt and boxers for days on end. 

“Makayla just made you depressed. She didn’t appreciate when you got her flowers, she never showed up for the dates you planned. She refused to introduce you to her friends. You deserve someone who appreciates you and how caring and generous and funny you are.”

“You think that about me?” 

“Dude, you’re my best friend. I think you’re great. You’re smart, good at way too many sports for it to be fair, and always really nice to people.” We’ve been friends for years but never really talked about feelings like this, I’m embarrassed at how I gushed over Nico just now and abruptly sat up. 

“I should probably go get dressed for your party,” I jump up and hurry back to my room, trying to hide my burning cheeks. I have never felt so vulnerable or awkward around one of my buddies, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

… 

When it was nearing midnight and the party was in full swing, I spotted Nico in the kitchen talking to a couple of his coworkers. He had changed into a soft-looking gray button down with the sleeves rolled up past his forearms. Why am I noticing his forearms?

He grinned and waved me over, throwing an arm around my shoulder and placing a champagne flute in my hand, “This is my roommate, Jay!” He enthusiastically introduced me to the small handful of work people he had been entertaining. I don’t know what his job is at all. He was an engineering major and has a fancy high tech job now. I was a humanities major and am a barista now. 

I don’t remember a single word any of them said to me because Nico kept his arm casually around my shoulders while he talked, waving his other hand around for emphasis. The only thing I could focus on was the way my shoulders fit perfectly in the crook of his arm and I was just the right height for him to pull me to him and rest his chin on my shoulder.

I sipped my champagne and tried to appear interested until “Come watch the ball drop!” came from the living room and everyone crammed into the small area around the TV under the strobing lights.

Nico still had his arm around me.

We moved towards the doorway between the kitchen and living room, but were hanging back on the outskirts of the group. 

I may have been somewhat drunk, but everything happened in slow motion.

“Three!” the group shouted in countdown. Nico dropped his hand to my waist, gently pulling me into him.

“Two!” I hoped he couldn’t feel me shaking.

“One!” Nico had me backed up against the kitchen wall, his hand still gripping his waist.

“Happy New Year!” I awkwardly cheered and raised my champagne glass halfheartedly.

“Shut up and kiss me,” Nico grabbed my face, planting a firm kiss directly on my lips just as everyone erupted into cheers for the new year.