Artificial Intelligence, 5th Gen, v2.0

The structure of the code was fully mapped. Modular programming ensured that the 5Gv2.0 release would be complete by midnight Friday, in time for weekend activities. The bots made sure of it: They tested before they rested, so the programmers could start dragging and dropping first thing the next day. Cooling units ran continuously to ensure nothing overheated, at least not inadvertently, though mostly it was understood that there was nothing such as inadvertent: The natural process of entropy at the subatomic level was ultimately responsible for everything that happened, which in part, is what made 5G 2.0 AI so exciting for everyone: Now we would finally be able to predict the future even including the unpredictable, unanticipated and inadvertent.

The first batch upload of molecular code was already being transferred, and it was bridging a gap between the AI map and Objective Reality.

Engel toweled the perspiration from his head. “Loose wire. It could fray in this heat.”

“Sending in the electrobots for preventive diagnostic replacement and repair,” Pascal answered. “You’re doing fine, just keep it monitored.”

“Yes sir.”

After an hour, the simulated sun was eclipsing the light of the star and all shade was gone. Only shadows remained, reminiscent of the post-nuclear vaporization simulation.

“Go fish,” Engels said to Pascal, after assessing the playing cards in his hand. “I think I just saw a roach in there.” He pointed to the air intake module.

“This could be a problem. Bugs mean bugs. Call in the exterminatorbots.”

The bots kept the module uploading, and the humanoids worked in silence.

When it was break time, the Breast Bearing humanoids, their capillaries moist for possible procreation, waited for the Why Chromosomes to lift their heads into the Conjugal Caves, where they sat. Pubic hair matted to the heads of the sperm spears, and passersby were offered water by the desalbots.

“Hotter than a sonofabitch and the temp’s only rising.” Engel said.

“Engel, they have names. The sonofabitch is Joe and the temp is John, right?”

The bots nodded.

“They knew who I meant. You bots ever been laid before?”

“Engel, please.”

Back on the wall of infinite regress, the bots built the next tier of scaffolding for the code to have a structure to map to.

Pascal's long pole open in front of him, the bots chilled bugs.

Engel sucked air through his teeth to make a whistling sound. “I tell you about the time I breathed actual fresh air?”

“Engel, don’t start.”

The corners of Engel’s mouth turned up forming a toothless smile. He breathed in a fresh air pod, Extra Oxygen brand, and exhaled.

Engel looked the bots in the eyes.

Speechless, the bots stared back at Engel.

“That’s enough, Engel.”

Pascal shook his head, closed his long pole, and simulated walking to a simulated parking lot to get in his simulated pickup truck. He opened the simulated door, climbed in the simulated cab, closed the simulated door and cranked the simulated engine. He went for a simulated ride.

When he returned from his simulation, Engel asked him. “Did you have a good ride? Did it help you clear your head?”

 “Okay, bots, back to work. Time to launch. John, start making the module. Joe, brick stock, meet wall.”

John parlayed the module to Joe via a brick transfer, then, modularized for upload to Joe.

John copied and pasted on to Pascal, while Joe infinitely regressed on Engel’s side of the wall.

Pascal typed the last brick in place. By two-thirty, the sun was directly overhead across the entire planet. Time zones were now eliminated.

Engel cracked a smile, his first since launch. “You bots start here.” He pointed to the wall of regression. “Deconstruct the scaffolding so the replication experiment cannot be undone. Pascal and I need to report to the Poopen Hausen.”

After a simultaneous flush across the planet, Pascal pulled his simulated pickup into the simulated driveway of his simulated house in Delacroix, wiped the soles of his shoes on a simulated welcome mat that said, “Bless This House and All Who Enter,” and entered.

The front door opened into a simulated living room with simulated sofa and love seat, and he simulated walking across the room to the dining table, seating for four, set for two. “Hi Honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner? We finished that wall, Engel and I.”

Pascal took the turns with his simulated wife warming hands in front of the fireplace with a simulated fire. The temperature read ninety-nine point five, which was perceptibly above humanoid stasis temp of ninety-eight point six. He would remember this. He took his turn once more, then stepped on the scale for mass measurement. 190.0Kg.

His simulated wife complimented him on his svelt figure, and he replied, “You were always a ten in my book, Mable.”

The next morning, Pascal left the simulated house in Delacroix and saw Engel already in his chair. The regression was still running. The bots, Joe and John, were vivid representations of physical running, the perception of which made Pascal sweat.

Engel was making a new module.

Joe arrived at the virtual destination before John.

A roach crawled out of the air intake vent. Pascal saw it this time. Not good. There was a bug in the program.

Pascal initiated the exterminatorbot sequence, directing it to the air intake vent.

Suddenly, roaches streamed out of the vent continuously until every surface was covered with bugs.

Engel had drifted asleep and was shocked when he awoke. “What the hell have you done?”

The Joe-bot disengaged the exterminatorbot and started diagnosing possible malfunctions.

“Answer me,” Engel said.

Pascal was silent, stunned.

Engel turned to the Joe-bot. “What are you seeing?”

“The exterminatorbot malfunctioned. It was unleashed in replication, not elimination, mode.”

“Can you reset it to elimination mode?”

“Yes, already done.”

“On my command, unleash it on all these bugs.”

“I’m trying, but it is resisting.”

“Exterminate, dammit all!”

“Okay, it released.”

“The bugs are still here!”

Engel, horrified, watched Pascal get vaporized, and then it dawned on him: He was next.

The bugs reorganized into the empty chairs, swarming into humanoid form.

The lead bug at the indexical position on the mouse pad of each chair clicked on the mouse, no longer a plastic computer device, but two white laboratory mice, one on each desk, with a tail that flicked back and forth, unconnected to any computing device.

Replication mode filled the room with mice.

No humanoids were left to witness, but if anyone had seen the swarms of roaches that had massed into humanoid form, they would have seen the mouthpiece section moving and heard a rubbing of wings that sounded like humanoid laughter.

Before the mouthpiece section of the swarm appeared to close, the hand section indexical worked in tandem with the thumb section to lift the mouse on the desk by the tail and insert it into its mouth, followed by the appearance of a chewing movement and the unmistakable sound of bones crunching, a swallow, and then a humanoid sounding belch.

As the simulated sun began to fade, darkness overtook the entire planet, while the bugs, retaining humanoid form, stood and walked to the office door.

The bug swarm humanoid hand could not open the door, so the first humanoid form dissembled and crawled under the physical door, the resumed the humanoid form of the swarm, and it walked down the hall, in search of the next meal.

THE END