you brought color

the vibe song for this story is “breaking up was easier in the 90’s” by sam hunt. hope y’all enjoy!

roses

roses for the valentines days you said you hated. roses for the smile on your face when I handed them to you, in your favorite color, orange, and i would say, “i thought you hated valentines day.”

and you would reply, “i used to. You’re making me like it more.”

roses for the red.

the red we saw.

the red we felt.

the red that covered everything after you left.

tulips

tulips for the smile on your face,

the spring sun reflecting on your eyes,

eyes, green like the grass,

and the tulips, breaking through the april snow

snow you hated

hated, wished it wasn't there. why?

why? When the snow and sun sparkled

sparkled like glitter

sparkled like you.

daffodils

daffodils for when we went into the fields

fields of daffodils, all smiling,

smiling, just like you,

just like the sun.

daffodils weighed down by snow.

you hated that.

you brushed them off, “nothing should be pushed down like that. that is why i hate snow.”

snow pushed down the daffodils.

i hate snow now, but not for that reason.

lavender

lavender, a phase it would seem.

lavender flowed through the diffuser

lavender decorated your walls

lavender

lavender sprigs in the snow

The snow you hate hated

lavender sticking up,

bees swarming

bees make me think of you.

every spring.

carnation

carnations. They sat on your mothers kitchen table for weeks, unwilting. 

you told me what i didn’t know about them.

they were grown, but they were white. 

they were white, like snow 

they were white until they were dyed hideous colors,

green, blue, red, pink. then

they were sprayed with smell

the same smell

every carnation.

every carnation

blood red or white

either way, they

were

the

same

in

the

end.

cosmos

cosmos, a flower

you never saw.

cosmos, what a name, huh?

i would give you

all the cosmos

flowers

if i could.

lilac

lilac blooms in spring.

spring.

i think they were there, poking through the snow.

they saw you

when i couldn’t.

they protected you

but not very well.

hibiscus

hibiscus, what can i say?

you loved the tea.

You would hold your mug, with its chipped paint and faded words, and sip it as your hands flew across the keyboard.

“why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I asked one day.

“you said you didn’t like hamilton.” you said with a sly grin.

“you said you didn’t like valentines day.” i said right back.

“touché.”

i loved hamilton, but i would never tell you that. It would have meant you found something we both liked.

i wish...i wish i had told you the truth.

look, i’m crying.

i told you i could express emotion.

sunflower

then you’re left in the dust, lest i stuck by yaaa! 

you’re the sunflower! i think your love would be too much!

we sang in harmony

harmony

what is harmony?

in sinc?

in tune?

so alike it’s scary?

that was us

you and me

but now its just

me.

black eyed susan

black eyed susan for you.

you came to me.

but why? 

why did i end up as the constant?

why me?

why not me?

it could have been any of us.

but you didn’t deserve it.

buttercup

buttercup, your favorite.

your favorite.

when the snow was all gone

there would be the buttercups.

“i love these because when i see them, i know the winter, the snow, is all over.” you said with a smile.

pink lipstick. freckles.

dirt.

darkness.

that's not where you belong.

not under the buttercups.

above them, with me.

still.

daisy

daisy. that’s who

no.

i won’t.

daisies, beautiful

white

like snow.

oh god, the snow.

please, not the snow.

not the snow.

🌹🌷🌺🌻🌼

you never saw the next snow.

never.

you never received my roses.

you never walked among the tulips.

you never stopped to smell the daffodils

or the carnations.

we painted over the lavender. we sprayed febreeze over the smell

of rancid flowers.

we planted the lilac this spring. you never got to see it.

we still sip hibiscus tea, the hibiscus tea your lips will never again touch.

i see the sunflowers, feel the beat. i think your love would be too much.

we planted new black eyed susans in the garden. you would have loved them.

i see the buttercups. i think of you every time.

i see daisies, and please no snow-

🌹🌷🌺🌻🌼

snow. you hated its existence.

the sun had just began to peak through the clouds after a storm. the water was slippery on the interstate.

why, snow? 

hurt me instead of hurting her. was it

karma? for how much she hated it?

she hated the snow

for other reasons 

but it's a good reason to hate something

if it kills you.

🌹🌷🌺🌻🌼

we put you under the buttercups on a saturday.

mahogany

brown, i see it and can only think about

your hair, braided, up in a bun, fanned out around your head

i give a speech, but i don’t remember most of it. 

it was something about flowers. your love for them.

why did we lose you?

why did you have to go?

i know it wasn’t your fault.

i would go back in time and let it be me if i had the choice.

they would rather have bright, bubbly you than me. i was am nothing without you there.

you are an endless rainbow

a bright color on a rainy day.

but now as we stand in the spring rain

lowering you into dirt

there is no more color.

not for me, anyway.

roses

tulips

daffodils

carnations

cosmos

lilac

hibiscus

sunflower

black eyed susan

buttercup

daisy.

they will never have color without you to breathe life among them.

not even the dyed carnations.

the world looks the same since you left.

same grey pavement

same grey sky

everything is gray, because you brought color.

you brought color.

🌹🌷🌺🌻🌼