Acceptance

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves is on fire. I am running, dying to reach the peak of my solemnly and generously dreams that where tired of me.

Wearing my black sweater tucked in inside my denim ripped jeans I climbed the tree which has a great amount of leaves falling from each of its branches. I feel hard to do it but did not care and just sit in the middle of an autumn sight infront of me. 

I like autumns. I consider it as the most great season every year, wherein I just sit and relax with a bit of drinks to enhance my confidence. 

I lift up my head and witness the leaves that are slowly and dramatically falling from its too good to be true brown branches. Each of the leaves are remarkable. They are falling with a fast progress of reaching the ground for its own achievements. Unlike me who is falling fast because of a mistake and literally slow to make my progress. 

"Wow." I said as I hold the big branch near me for support. 

I couldn't think straight. Me and my Mom fights for today. My Dad hates me too. My Brother argues with me and my Sisters dislike me. I may not be as good as them but I am good with my own life. 

"If leaves are progressive, why can't I be?" I asked myself out of curiosity. 

Indeed, when autumn every leaves progress for their own downfall and develop once again after a downfall, why can't I be? I have downfall yes, but I can't be develop after it. I always falls down and ended to be hurted with my own expectations. 

My Boss fired me up for spilling the waters on one of his customers. Another restaurant company do not accept me for they know what's my past dignity to other restaurant, I agree. It is just a one day error but they consider it as a lifetime excuse to refuse me. 

I smiled miserably but with a hint of happiness. This day is the start of an autumn season. My favorite season every year. I feel special when I see leaves falling because I feel that we are unisonly falling. They feel my downfall and I feel them too. 

In the eyes of my family, I am like a weight that they couldn't bear to bring anywhere they go. They feel that I am just a burden and they think I can't do thing without they help for my own advances. 

"Why don't find a work woman! Why just sit here and relax as if you have a work for tomorrow? Remember you have been fired because of your stupidities!" my Mom shout at me that echoes all over the house! I just listen.

"You woman! Don't think of staying here and relaxing as if you could feed us everyday, you aren't living for relaxing!" my Dad seconded. 

"Go, do the dishes and stop sitting like you are a princess because you aren't and if you will be no one will serve you." My brother accused me as if I want to be a princess. 

"Wash the clothes for tomorrow woman! Don't forget it and if you do, you regret it." My Sister said while fixing herself to lie down on our old sofa. 

They are accusing and commanding me like I am a robot doing this while doing that. They can easily stepping on me and ordering me because they weren't feeling what I feel right now.

On the other hand my boss scolds me for spilling waters to one of his important customers. 

"You idiot! Why did you do that? You didn't think my reputation! You didn't think my restaurants reputation! You really am idiot you can't help me with this because you don't know about business!" he said as if I could shout him his an idiot too. I force myself to hear him. I force myself to not fight because I know the word respect means too much.

"Sir I need work--"

"I don't need a woman who spills water into customers that is important! No, and I will never accept you! So now out of my spaces!" he cuts me off to say his hungry accusations too. 

I am a leaves, slowly progressive to develop but fastly progressing to its downfall. 

I hold my head to shake off my trains of thoughts out me. Supposedly not thinking it.

"Stop, I shouldn't be thinking all of that! I shouldn't be thinking the negativities!" I continously shaked my head as if my thoughts will vanish that easily. 

While holding my head I didn't think for a word fall with a literal meaning so my butt slipped from the huge branch where I sit and fall down over the ground fastly and without further ado. I feel the pain, inside my body.

Someone throw a glass towards me and it brokes at the wall that some 

shattered and hit my legs. It hurts and I feel the sting on it.

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves is on fire. I am running, dying to reach the peak of my solemnly and generously dreams that where tired of me. I feel like my dreams are continously leaving me for good so I ran as fast as I can just so I could overtake them but my legs sting.

Just so they would stay to me and believe that I could really reach them. 

My Family are laughing while watching me panting because I couldn't hold onto them. My Bosses are glaring me and their looks says shame.

I feel hurted and that is not because of my legs sting.

I open my eyes and tears flow down my cheeks. I felt the weary, for my running and feelings. 

I am awake and very weary because of my nightmare, running. I hug my pillows and realize the meaning of it.

I am tired, tired of following what others say and what they're expectations are! I am tired running just so I could reach them. Yes my dreams is to be accepted not just by my family but of my fellow people who I wanted to be. That is my only dream and I am tired for chasing it. 

So I realize that my heart is burning for acceptance, like a fire of desire in the middle of an autumn season. The leaves falling like how my confidence where falling too. Like the leaves fired up in the middle of my favorite autumn season because of a hot tears that stung my eyes for a whole seasonly sorrow.