Her and I

I stared in the mirror, heart beating in my ears. This was going to be the most important day of my life. My father wouldn’t be here to walk me down the aisle as he always did in my dreams, but I knew he would be watching. Tears welled into my eyes, but I blinked them away. Today wasn’t going to be ruined by anything, I wouldn’t let it. 

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in, holding it for a second and then releasing it along with my stress and fears. I got up, my dress dragging the tiled floor. I was shaking, out of fear that I would make a wrong move and of joy that I wasn’t going to be alone anymore. 

I wanted to see my mom, knowing that seeing her face would lift my spirits. I would have never guessed what happened next. I opened the door that my mom was waiting for me in, and as I was about to take a step forward my foot froze in place. My fiance had my mother pinned to the wall, their lips interlocked. 

I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. The two people I trusted most betrayed me. I felt tears streaming down my face, and I didn’t try to stop them. My chest tightened, and I had to grab onto the wall to keep myself up. My head was spinning, or was it the world spinning around me? Whatever it was, it hurt.

“H- honey, what are you doing here?” It was my moth- no- I could never call a monster like that my mother. A mother is someone who cares for you, she was not my mother. I clenched my fist, sobbing uncontrollably.

“I thought you loved me!” I screamed at them both. “What would dad think?” I questioned my birth-giver. “I finally thought someone cared about me, but I was wrong. You only care about yourself!” I felt my legs buckle beneath me, and I gave in. I felt a shoulder on my hand and looked up to my “fiance.” I shuddered as I looked up.

His beautiful amber eyes, and shining golden hair was so tempting, but I pushed his hand away angrily. “Don’t touch me!” I shouted. I got up and stormed away, ripping off my veil to reveal my short brown hair. ‘Of course, he only got close to me for my mother.. I’m not even half as pretty as her’ I thought to myself. I was always self conscious about my looks, but this made me feel like I was the ugliest donkey in the world.

I noticed that my bridesmaid, Sarah, was next to me. Her warmth made me feel a bit better. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” She asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head. I always talked to her about my feelings, but this time I was at a loss for words. Instead, I hugged her, resting my head on her chest. She held me close, and started playing with my hair. 

“Your father would be so proud of you right now,” She murmured into my ear. The warmth that she gave off warmed my heart. I nodded, tears staining my cheeks. I realized now that I never really loved Sebastian, my fiance. He was always criticizing my actions, while Sarah on the other hand was always there for me. 

We had been best friends since the 7th grade, which felt like centuries ago when really it had only been 13 years since then. I had always noticed that Sarah never got a boyfriend, while on the other hand I had been in too many relationships to count. I looked up at her, only then realizing how ugly I must’ve been in her perspective. Instead of pushing me away or looking away, she stared into my eyes. She leaned in and kissed me, and I became as red as a strawberry. I closed my eyes, and felt as light as a feather. I wanted to forget everything that had happened with Sebastian and my birth-giver, and for that short moment I did. But she pulled away and I realized that Sebastian had followed me and was staring in disbelief and disgust.

I gripped tighter onto her, hiding my face in the shoulder facing away from him. All my makeup had smeared, but Sarah didn’t care. She had never liked makeup or plastic surgery. Sebastian was always pressuring me to get surgery to make my chest bigger, or my bottom bigger, to make my lips bigger, but Sarah talked me out of it. 

“You disgusting f****ts!” Sebastian had said, but I closed my eyes, refusing to listen to his words. Everything he said to me always slid into my ears like poison and stuck forever, but these words went right in and out of my ears. I let go of her as I realized she was about to defend the both of us. I had to fight my own battles sometimes, without the help and pity of others. 

“You know what? Who cares? I never loved you and you never loved me!” I spat back at him. “If I never see your face again it would be too soon! I trusted you, and you play with my feelings as though they were a yo-yo. Love is love, and I’m glad that we can now both agree that we never had any for each other. 

I had stopped crying, and my trembling had stopped. My heart was still in too many pieces to count, but Sarah was acting like the glue as she put them back together.My mother had followed, and as she noticed me and Sarah both red she immediately knew what had happened. “I’m disowning you!” She announced. Those words meant nothing to me, though, and if anything they were like a melody to my ears. “I refuse to have a f****t as my daughter!”

“I may be a f*****t but at least I’m not your daughter,” I said. “I don’t know how dad could’ve ever loved you!” I noticed her on the verge of tears and smiled. “Get out of my wedding,” I told her, my voice a bit shaky. Sebastian looked a bit surprised, as though he were wondering if I had changed my mind about him. I scoffed, and looked at Sarah. “The wedding will be with Me and Her.