Is it Him?

                                    Was it Him?

2960 wordcount

Sandra Wheatley 27^th July 2020

sandrawheatley@live.co.uk

Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel and more lately, Fifty Shades of Grey, no thanks not for me. I just don’t buy it. Poor simple, unassuming girl meets a powerful handsome man who sweeps her off her feet and bestows on her a life of complete happiness and fulfilment and by the way, the girl is oh so grateful!

That is until John strode into my life. Luckily I was not a poor unassuming girl, far from it. I am strong, ambitious, self-opinionated and a fierce feminist. But, this well dressed, handsome, confident man, who smelt like a top-end beauty shop, stopped me in my tracks and certainly gave me a run for my money.

Perhaps I had better go back to the beginning. At this time in my life, I was happily married with two children and I was fast climbing my way up the very greasy, very long, very male orientated corporate pole.

I had my own very large office and conference room. A secretary and a staff of 24. It was not unusual for me to work a 10 hour day and I often needed to take corporate clients out to Dinner.

My quiet, sociably challenged husband who did not have an ounce of ambition in his body, spent most of his time waiting for me to come home from work and when I did arrive home at some ungodly hour there he was, waiting with a meal warming in the oven, or if it was very late, a snack and a glass of wine as he knew I would be too tired to eat a large meal.

We jogged along, going on family holiday’s enjoying time together as a family and making our plans for the future. A bigger house, a nicer holiday, a good school for the children, that kind of everyday stuff.

On this particular day, I think it was a Tuesday, I had decided to change suppliers for a particular part I needed for the manufacturing plant. My staff had made some phone calls and the responses, mostly by phone and email had started to come into the office.

John decided to ‘just drop-in’

My phone rang and the familiar voice of the receptionist said,

‘’Mrs Johnson there is a supplier here to see you’’

‘’Has he got an appointment’’

As I said this I was thumbing through my diary, I was sure I had not forgotten an appointment, but the office was very busy, I just might have forgotten to write it down.

‘’No’’

Said the sweet voice of the receptionist.

‘’He said he was in the area and decided to call in on the off chance that you could see him for five minutes’’

I waited, mostly for effect, I thought it made me seem more important and busier than I actually was.

‘’Ok, but only for five minutes’’

The sweet voice replied,

‘’Thank you, Mrs Johnson, I will send him up, his name is John Moran he is from Moran supplies’’

I hung up the phone and began signing letters, well, it looked good to be busy and important when anyone walked into my office.

I heard the knock on the door and saw the door open both at the same time. Mr Moran from Moran supplies walked in without being invited too, sat down, without being invited too and smiled a smile that could easily have outshone the sun itself, without being invited too.

The smell of his expensive aftershave overpowered my own brand of perfume and I inhaled it, to my surprise, with a feeling of pure delight.

The allotted five minutes turned into forty-five minutes and when John Moran got up to leave, the deal, in more ways than one had been well and truly sealed.

John Moran became a regular visitor to my company, we talked, laughed, had coffee and I always looked forward to seeing him.

I was particularly fond of one of my buyers, a hard-working young man called Liam. He was always eager to please, and often worked to get the job done in his own time, never asking for extra pay for this extra work.

Liam was in my office waiting for me to sign off some orders.

‘’You know that John Moran?’’

‘’Who?’’

I tried to convincingly ask.

‘’You know, John Moran from Moran supplies?’’

‘’Oh, him, yes, what about him?’’

Liam took a deep breath,

‘’He likes you, a lot, and he’s divorced’’

‘’So, why are you telling me this?’’

I looked up to see Liam’s face blush fifty shades of pink.

‘’Nothing, really, just saying’’

I handed Liam the signed orders and he walked back to the main office, leaving me somewhat bewildered. Liam and the rest of my staff knew I was married, why would Liam say that to me about John Moran?

The next day the devil himself turned up at my office.

‘’Hi gorgeous, I was just passing, I thought I would invite you to lunch, that is if you can spare the time?’’

John Moran always brightened up the office and my day, so of course, I accepted. I was curious and I wanted to ask him a couple of personal questions. In all my years of climbing this corporate greasy pole. I had never asked personal questions of any of my staff or suppliers, but today I would make an exception and I had absolutely no idea why.

‘’So, John, Liam tells me that you are divorced, I’m sorry to hear that’’

John laughed out loud.

‘’Why are you sorry, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She has gone to live in Spain with the children, I never see her or the kids. Shame about the kid’s but I fell out of love with her years ago, so it was a relief to get divorced. I hear she has a hot Spanish lover now, good luck to her, that’s what I say’’

I nodded intently, maybe a bit too intently while I put mouthfuls of salad into my mouth to stop me from getting involved in this personal conversation, which was absolutely none of my flipping business.

‘’So’’

John looked at me with his deep sky blue eyes, that always looked as if they were smiling.

‘’So’’

I replied, knowing exactly what the SO meant.

‘’So, are you free for dinner tonight?’’

I felt my pelvic region tighten with fear and with expectation. It had never occurred to me that one day I may just have an affair, but it looked very much as today was going to be the day.

‘’Sure, why not’’

I was trying to be very sophisticated about this turn of events.

‘’I will meet you at the Old Speckled Hen at 7’’

John Moran looked into my soul and I believe his voice went down at least two octaves’ as he replied with a smile,

‘’It’s a date’’

That date and many more dates went on for four years. John Moran was just like one of the Hero’s in the stories I spoke about earlier. He was handsome, well dressed, he treated me as if I was a Goddess and my goodness, he knew his way around the female body.

I spent my days and nights just longing to see him it was just like a fairytale!

Eventually my lovely, quiet, calm and oh so boring husband decided that enough was most definitely enough. He packed a bag and moved in with a mousey lady that he worked with. I was devastated when he left, for at least a week.

Then the thought of Mr Moran moving in and living in a state of marital bliss with me overcame the devastation and I threw myself into my new fairytale relationship.

It was not long before I realised, that John Moran was not quite what he appeared to be. He would often tell me he was in one place when a parking ticket or a missed phone call would clearly say he was in another.

Of course, John always had a perfectly good explanation for this set of circumstances and strangely it often turned out to be my fault. I had misunderstood him, I had not listened well enough to him, I was accusing him and being ridiculous.

Four years into our relationship and having never seen his house, because it seemed somehow to always being decorated, or having major work done to it, or he had relatives staying in it, he proposed to me and presented me with a 1.5-carat diamond solitaire ring.

I wondered at the time if the ring was new as the gold band looked a little worn. However, this man was a dream man to have around, much more exciting that poor hubby so I ignored my thoughts and accepted the ring with grateful tears. Just like the poor unassuming girls from the fairy tales.

My daughter was a Facebook geek and before I knew it she had posted our engagement on Facebook for all the world to see. That evening while I was watching television and waiting for John to come home, the phone rang.

‘’Is that Sue’’

‘’Yes’’

I replied.

‘’This is Tracy, I hear you and my Dad have got engaged?’’

‘’Oh, Hi Tracy, yes we did, how did you know?’’

‘’Facebook’’

‘’Oh ok, that must be my daughter she loves Facebook’’

I laughed.

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

‘’That will be an interesting marriage, I will be there with Dad’s other children and of course his wife’’

‘’Is she coming back from Spain then?’’

This time it was Tracy’s turn to laugh.

‘’Are you some kind of idiot. He’s not divorced, he lives with us in Essex, please don’t tell me you didn’t know?’’

‘’I; for God’s sake Tracy, of course, I didn’t know, what do you think I am, he told me he was divorced years ago and that you all lived in Spain with your Mum’s Spanish lover’’

‘’Good luck with that one then, you idiot’’

The phone clicked and I looked for a chair before I fell to the ground.

I sat looking at the phone for what seemed like hours, I had no idea how long it was. Eventually, I heard the door open.

‘’It’s me Love’’

‘’Your daughter just rang me’’

John did not reply he just looked with his familiar twinkling deep sky blue eyes.

‘’You are still married, or had you forgotten?’’

‘’Darling, the marriage is over, it’s been over for years’’

‘’Over, are you mad? You set me up, you told Liam you were divorced so the when he told me, it would have more credibility. You disgust me, you are a downright liar, a cheat, get your stuff and jog on back to Essex to your wife and children, who you should never have left in the first place.

All the work you have been doing, so that you are almost never home, the weekend away with work, the mystery surrounding your house that I could never see. Oh my God, how could I have been so stupid? Get out’’

We argued for hours but eventually, John Moran packed what little stuff he had at the house and left in floods of tears.

My anger knew no bounds, I phoned my daughter.

‘’Can you come over, I have been a complete and total idiot, I need to talk’’

John Moran was so clever and so calculating that over the next few years he would send me flowers and letters telling me how much he loved me and how he could not live without me.

To satisfy my curiosity, one day I drove to his house and waited just down the road. Eventually, he emerged from the house with a small dark-haired woman following him. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek and I almost lost my lunch. He was back living with his wife and children.

How could an intelligent, ambitious, feminist woman be so duped by this man? I had lost my marriage, given my children no end of grief, and had my heartbroken. How on earth could this happen to someone like me?’

A year passed, I carried on working and by now my two children had left home and I was living alone in my big beautiful house that once held so much promise. Now it just seemed to be like a big empty coffin and I often went from room to room wondering how my life had come to this.

Liam walked into my office, it was a lovely day, the sun shone through the window outlining his young fresh face.

He handed me some orders to sign.

‘’You know that John Moran?’’

‘’Umm, yeah, what about him?’’

Once again, I was doing my best to be nonchalant.

‘’He’s dead’’

I stopped signing orders and looked at Liam, with a look that under any other circumstances would have melted steel.

‘’What are you talking about, of course, he is not dead. He is only about 52’’

‘’He’s dead, it was in the paper’’

‘’Show me’’

I practically screamed at the poor lad.

Liam went as quickly as he could out of my office and returned in a nanosecond with a newspaper already opened at the relevant page.

I read the words about John Moran’s death by a heart attack. It was his name, his date of birth, his address in Essex, it was obviously him.

‘’Thanks’ Liam, can you leave this with me?’’

Liam nodded and left, quietly closing the door behind him.

I did not tell anyone what I had read. I just read it over, and over again as if it needed to really sink into my brain.

Eventually, I put the newspaper away and got on with my life.

It was a Tuesday; my daughter and I were shopping in Bluewater shopping centre. They have designer shops there, and a really mixed bag of eating places it is one of our favourite places to go together.

‘’Are you ready to go, Mum, I’m exhausted?’’

‘’Yes, darling let’s go and get some dinner shall we’’

We started to leave when my daughter said;

‘’Oh, that’s John over there’’

I spun around to look in the direction she was pointing, and sure enough, there was Mr John Moran holding hands with a very attractive woman.

They were looking in a shop window and laughing. I started to walk towards them.

‘’Mum, where are you going, don’t make a scene. I wonder what he is doing here and who is that he’s with. It’s not his wife is it?’’

My daughter was transfixed.

‘’No, it’s not his wife, I’m going to say hallo’’

‘’Mum, do you have too’’

‘’Yes Darling, I’m afraid I do’’

I replied as sarcastically as I knew how.

I walked towards them and stood just inches away. They had not noticed me.

‘’Hi John, how are you?’’

John turned and looked at me with his deep sky blue eyes which were still twinkling with delight he smiled and said;

‘’I’m sorry, did you speak to me’’

‘’Hi John, how are you, fancy seeing you’re here, how’s the wife?’’

There was a silence that seemed to fill the whole of the shopping centre.

‘’I’m so sorry you have the wrong person, my name is Martin, shall we go darling?’’

John Moran got hold of the woman’s arm, in exactly the same way he had held mine, many times.

The couple walked away and turned the corner toward the car park and I decided to follow them.

He would not get away with this again, I would have it out with him and warn this poor unsuspecting woman, how dreadful this man was.

I turned into the car park and frantically looked around. Two rows over I heard a car start and within a few seconds, a Jaguar drove past with John at the driving wheel.

I stepped forward in a stupid attempt to stop the car. Of course, it did not stop and as it passed me, I saw the number plate…JOH 11.

I laughed out loud at his stupidity, who was he trying to kid with a number plate like that?

I stood in the car park while the rain fell on me, straightening my hair and doing its best to bring me to my senses.

My daughter’s voice bought me back to reality at last.

‘’Mum, what are you doing? Are you ok? What’s going on?’’

I turned towards her and wiped away the angry and desolate tears that were by now pouring down my face and ruining my designer handbag which, together with the rain was making watermarks on the designer material, which did not fill me with glee.

‘’Come on Mum, let it go’’

My daughter's face was filled with concern and my heart sank as I realised what I had put my family through with my selfish idiotic behaviour.

We drove to the restaurant in silence.

I know for sure that it was Mr John Moran, Mr Cool, Mr Smooth, Mr Liar, Mr Cheat.

I have no one to blame but myself. Where I go from here, I just don’t know. There is nothing worse for the brain than an unanswered mystery, but John Moran will remain forever my unanswered mystery.

How do I stop this mystery from driving me insane, how do I heal a broken heart and a broken life?  I have no answers for myself. So, for now, I will get up every day, go through the motions of life and pray to God that a John Moran never walks into my life again, my fairytale is well and truly over.

The End