“                      TINA'S LETTER

Sometimes life doesn't turn out they way we want.When growing as a kid, you always have a dream. Some kids want to be doctors,pilots or teachers. That was the same for Tina, she wanted to be a psychologist, deal with other people's problems even though she couldn't solve her own problems.

Tina grew up as a smart kid,so dedicated to her school work ,courageous and ambitious.

It was so fortunate of her because she grew up with both parents and she had all the support from her family, even though sometimes she felt like she was been side line in her own home, but that was only a mind of a kid when things doesn't go her own way.

Things changed when she got to high school,where she started failing grades

People would be surprised,asked themselves questions as they knew her as a smart kid.

The thing they failed to ask themselves was what influenced her behaviour.

They couldn't understand the change they saw in her,but still no one seemed to care anyway.

After her matric class Tina wanted to do it for the second time, but peer pressure got to her and decided to register for electrical engineering at a college.

Even though she obtained a Diploma she managed to register at Western college (Randfontein campus).

Doing electrical engineering wasn't Tina's dream, in fact she hated it, she just didn't have a choice. She wanted to make her parents happy and proud of her since she disappointed them by failing her grade 11 class and getting a Diploma in grade 12, well at least she felt she disappointed them and which was wrong.

Her parents expected the best from her and she didn't want to disappoint them.

She had hope that maybe when she's done with electricity she'll apply in a university to do what she always wanted to do.

Tina had a passion for psychology, she was a good counsellor, a good advice giver and knew how to solve problems.

That's the reason she never gave up on it, she always kept it on mind and had faith in everything, she believed that she's still that girl who can change the world.

Everyday she would fight to find her way, do things the way she had planned but it's unfortunate life had took a turn.

" I just want to set the world on fire, I will, I can" that was Tina talking to her self on the mirror

That was her daily morning routine before attending classes

"What are you doing? Asked Judy who was Tina's roommate and bestfriend

"Doing my thing, talking to the inner me. I believe in her" Tina respond while grabbing her backpack

"I believe in her too, than the outer Tina" says Judy while laughing

Tina and Judy were bestfriends since their grade 10 class. They had a lot in common, some people sometimes would mistake them for twins, even some of their teachers would ask if they're related somehow.

They both wanted to be psychologists, but life happened and that dream never came true.

Judy wasn't only a bestfriend to Tina, but she was also a sister.

She took care of her like her younger sister,they had sisterly love.

That day Tina never came back from school, and this had Judy wondering

She tried calling her but her phone went straight to voicemail.

It was 3 hours after Tina's class has ended, so that gave Judy a hope that she'll come back.

Hours and hours passed with no sign of Tina.

Judy got relieved when she saw an sms coming from Tina.

"Don't worry about me,I'm safe I'll come back tomorrow morning" the sms reads

A lot ran on Judy's mind when she tried to reply to the sms but it couldn't go through because the phone was off but she just let it slipt her mind. She was just relieved Tina's fine.

In the morning of the following day Tina showed up as she promised that she'll come back in the morning.

"Hey I'm glad you're back , I nearly went insane yesterday. How could you do that to me. I thought maybe you're dead" Judy said while giggling and giving her a friendly punch

"As you can see I'm safe and sound" Tina replied heading to the shower

She shuts the door.

Judy could see that her friend wasn't the same as she left yesterday, something was eating her up inside.

Tina took longer than other days in the shower.

Finally she showed up after some time.

"I thought the shower has swallowed you" says Judy laughing, trying to cheer her friend up

Tina smiles

Judy saw that definitely therr was something that was bothering Tina

She asked out of care" Are you okay,because I'm trying to hit a joke and you're not laughing. Or are my jokes not funny anymore?

"Your jokes are never fun, I laugh because you're my friend" Tina replied, hiding herself under the blanket.

Judy pulled the blanket "hey wake up, you've a class to attend, you lazy girl"

" I have late classes today, so please try to mind your own business" says Tina pulling back her blanket.

Judy went to class,but skipped the last one so she can  come back early to talk to Tina.

When she arrives Tina just went to the shop. Judy did some cooking while waiting for her friend to come back.

After some time Tina came back

"I didn't expect to see you here so early" Tina said staring at Judy

Judy avoided what Tina said but asked a question instead

"Out with with it,what's eating you up?. What happened yesterday, I want the whole story leave no detail out"

"No need to give me a serious face, I slept at a friend. We were doing this practical and it took longer than expected, I wouldn't come back it was late" said Tina avoiding to look at Judy in the eyes

Judy could see Tina was lying but she pretended to believe her "Next time let me know when you're not coming back, I nearly got a panic attack when I don't hear from you"

Tina nodded

As days goes by things were also changing for Tina,she was no longer the same person who always had a smile drawn on her face. She started skipping classes, have sleepless nights she would only toss and turn until the dawn comes.

One morning her friend asked if she was okay

"Do you think I'm unworthy? I mean why do some people like to make other people worthless" Tina asked with teary eyes

Judy was surprised to hear Tina talk like that

"What are you talking about? I'm lost, I don't understand where's this coming from"

"I'm just a girl with a dream, fighting everyday to make my dream come true but some people just have it in their blood to break and hurt other people" Tina continued but her friend was still confused.

Tina seemed broke, somehow got lost

"We can't always live in fear because people want to satisfy theirselves while on the other side they're destroying other kids life"

"Tina, don't tell me you're still whining for your ex-boyfriend, that guy moved on and he chose someone over you. That made it clear that he want nothing to do with you, why can't you get that into your head and move on with your life too" Judy said, thinking Tina was talking about her ex-boyfriend

Judy continued"

I might not know what you're going through because you are keeping it from me, but I'd advice you to stay strong ."

"How did I get here, where did I go wrong?"

Tina blust into tears and Judy try to comfort her friend and make her calm

As days goes by things were getting worse with Tina, she wasn't only missing classes, but she missed tests too. Sometimes she would refuse to eat, lock herself in the room and didn't want to talk to anyone .

One day when Judy went to class Tina sent a letter for Judy with one of the girl who was living with them in the yard.

"What is this ?" the girl asked

Give it to Judy, I'm visiting my sister and I might not come back today so I don't want her to wonder where am I.

The girl did as she was sent, gave the letter to Judy


Judy was surprised to see the letter

" why would Tina send me a letter, we stay together whatever she said her she would tell me when I get back. Maybe she thought it would take time for me to come back, I might as well read it "

The letter read

"Dear Judy

I know you will be surprised to see this letter, but I thought it would take time if I waited for you to come back.

I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. When I met you, we were just friends and it grew to being bestfriends. We always had each other's back, did the good and the bad together until to the point that out friendship grew into being more than bestfriends, we were now sisters.

Sister's not by blood but by hearts

There's a lot that you've done for me, and expected me not to pay you back, always took care of me not because you were supposed to but it was love that you had for me and always wanted to be there for me.

I know there's a lot we were suppose to do together but I'm glad we also did a lot together.

The memories we have together it will always play in your mind.

I remember high school when we failed our grade 11 class, we used to make fun of it but promised ourselves that this time we'll do better than the previous year.

We had so much in common and that made our bond so much strong. We had the same dream, always believed we can change the world together but somehow our lives took a turn and we fell, but I believe you can still change the world alone. Don't let your dream die."

As Judy was reading the letter she got more and more confused by that time tears we falling down her cheeks, she sat down and continue reading.

"I saw me in your eyes, and you saw yourself in mine, we didn't want perfection but we wanted the best.

I know you'll be angry with me, but I ask you to forgive me. If I had another way to change this I would, but I'm just a girl in pain, I'm broken and I'm even lost.

Sometimes in life we meet people who come to do more harm than good in your life.

I'm a walking dead person.

I always believed that I'm strong, I always heard that women are the strongest of them all and it's true but when it comes to me it's not true, I feel weak.

I'm broken, I always wish these bruises would heal.

I wish I could find a place where I can hide for the rest of my life or sleep forever, but everyday I wake up to this pain.

I tried to pray hoping God will take this pain away, but my God works on his own time.

I'm hurting, I'm dying a slow painful death.

I still remember the day, it was the 15th of April.

I remember the pain, the pain of being a girl.

Tears were falling and I was helpless.

You should have seen me, lying there helplessly and him having the best time of his life.

I only saw it in movies, I never thought it would happen to me but it did.

I closed my eyes and open them again, thinking maybe it's a dream

It was a dream that became real

I tried crying for help but he strangled me, telling me to close my mouth.

"Shut up, you're making noise.

If you don't close your mouth I'm gonna kill you" he said to me

It was either my innocence or my life.

I wish I chose death because living it's now useless.

2 minutes felt like my whole life.

What made it worse was hearing him say "babe you're nice"

His heavy breath over my neck made me cry even more.

I know you'll be angry at me for keeping this from you.

Trust me I tried talking to someone but talking sometimes doesn't help. I can't live with this memory that left scars in my life.

By the time time you finish reading this letter I'll be long dead. Don't cry for me, I died the day I lost my innocence forceful. Take care of yourself, the world is dangerous.

I love you


By the time Judy finish reading the letter her face was wet with tears.

People surrounded her, they were surprise what could be making her cry this much.

Some tried helping her and getting her calm but they couldn't.

After someone had picked the letter and read they tried taking her back to the room.

When they get there Tina was lying there long dead as she mentioned on the letter.

Judy couldn't control herself, she fall down and everything went blank for her.

October 20, 2019 19:29

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